A few days ago, we celebrated Valentine’s Day and I have to say I have mixed feelings about this holiday. When I was a child I used to love it for the candy and cards, I got from my peers in school. As an adult, I have come to not like it for the commercialization of the idea and the focus and pressure some people experience to be in an intimate relationship.
Zoe and I no longer celebrate Valentine’s Day. For us, everyday is Valentine’s Day. We do not do anything special just because the world says, “It’s Valentine’s Day.” Rather, at the end of each day we take a moment to share at least one thing the other one has done that has made us feel loved. Sometimes we do them throughout the day, especially when one of us is not feeling well and may not be awake at the end of the day.
While I am grateful to be able to share my life with my soul mate, I found myself once again hearing from people who doubted their worth because they were not in an intimate relationship with someone. I talked with three people who were struggling with why someone they liked and who seemed to like them, but did not want to be intimate with them. It has saddened me that our culture has placed so much attention on being in an intimate relationship, that we have forgotten how to just celebrate being in relationship with those who care about us.
Sometimes we forget that we can care about someone and not have to talk to him or her everyday or be around him or her 24/7. Sometimes we confuse having needs and desires and thinking that we have to have someone who can fulfill them all the time. We can have relationships with people in our lives that care about us and whom we care about without them having to become intimate relationships. They can just be what they are, loving and supportive relationships.
Whether we are single or not does not say anything about who we are as a human being, other then we are choosing to be in the relationships we are in, regardless of the type they are. We can be in a relationship and celebrate the mental, spiritual, and emotional intimacy without sharing physical intimacy. We can celebrate being in loving, caring, and supportive relationships with others and not see it is as a form of rejection that they do not want to be physically intimate with us.
Being in any kind of relationship with people is a choice. Whom one chooses to be in a relationship with is about them, not you. So do not take it personally. Rather then focus on the type or relationship one is in; celebrate all the loving, caring, and supportive relationships you are choosing to be in. Celebrate those who have chosen to be in a loving and supportive relationship with you. Today, and every day, celebrate the choices you and others have made to be loving and supportive with each other.