Nothing Can Hold Back the Spring

Nothing Can Hold Back the Spring

Nothing can hold back the spring.
I remember Rev Callan saying that
as if it were yesterday.
We were in the midst of an ice storm
and people were without power
and everyone was struggling
in the midst of a really rough winter.
It was all going to be okay,
because nothing can hold back the spring.
In the midst of the storm,
it was hard to image that the season would pass
and the flowers would bloom
and we would be enjoying all the gifts of spring.
In the midst of it all he reminded us that
nothing can hold back the spring.
I have been through some rough times in my life,
as I am sure you have
and I am sure there have been moments
where you wondered
am I going to make it through.
Then you did,
you made it through the frustration,
the pain,
the tears,
the challenges, and
the depression.
You made it through the times
you wanted to hibernate,
escape from reality,
and pretend like it just wasn’t happening.
In the midst of it though,
we have remembered that
nothing can hold back the spring.
Nothing keeps us from overcoming,
from surviving,
from regenerating,
from rejuvenating,
and from thriving.
No matter what you are going through,
no matter how challenging it may be,
just stop, pray, breathe and give thanks and
remember nothing can hold back the spring.

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I Wasn’t Even There

I Wasn’t Even There

I wasn’t even there,
when he died,
but I knew it before my brother called.
I couldn't sleep,
I tossed and turned,
then I felt the blood drain out of me
and then I was at peace.
I knew he was gone.
It had happened twice before.
I was writing my dissertation
when I felt this wave of cold,
followed by the peace.
I called my friend
and she said I knew you would know.
he told me you would.
He just passed.
Then there was the morning my mother died.
I kept having dreams I was being held.
I could hear her telling me goodbye
and thanking me for saying her goodbyes.
I knew this day was coming.
I had dreamt of doing her funeral
and then my father called and
said she was gone.
I may not have been there,
for any of them,
but I was
and they knew it
and so did i.
sometimes we are there
even when we are not.
Being there is not about our bodies,
but about our souls.
it's why I can say
I wasn’t even there
when I was.

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Connecting the Dots

Connecting the Dots

I loved connecting the dots
when I was a child.
My crayon would go from dot to dot
and with each movement,
what I saw changed from
a sheet of dots
to an image,
all because I drew a line
that connected the dots.
Life is like that,
just about connecting the dots.
it's like seeing that the tree
is connected to the air,
the earth,
the insects,
the sun,
the rain,
and everything else
which in any way, shape or form touched it.
Life is like a constellation.
We may not see the lines
that connect the events,
the achievements,
the moments of happiness,
and patterns,
but when we step back
and look at the big picture,
we see the celestial story
of our lives
all because we took the time to
connect the dots.

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Thich Nhat Hanh

Thich Nhat Hanh

It’s been almost 4 years,
since you passed away,
but there are moments
like now
where it is hard to believe you are gone.
Maybe it’s because your words
and your teachings live within me
and help me to find peace in every breath.
You helped me discover equifinality
and understand we are each on our own path
to the place of relationship with the Ultimate.
Our paths may be different
but they are all going to the same place.
You taught me to live in this moment,
to be mindful
in how I eat,
drink,
connect,
walk and
breathe.
You taught me to face my fears
and move through them
and to calm them.
You taught me
it’s okay to be alone.
You taught me
that I will never be alone,
You touched my heart and soul
and left a piece of you in me.

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When It’s My Time

When It’s My Time

I remember when my father was grieving
the loss of his wife and my mother.
He would wake up having nightmares
about not knowing what to do
or how to plan for his own time.
We worked together and planned
where he would live
and what I would say at his funeral.
A few days ago, I remembered
the 24th anniversary of my mother’s passing.
Remembering her bought back so many memories
and then questions.
Questions about when it’s my time.
I am not afraid to go to the next realm,
but I worry about going first
and leaving Zoe here without me.
But when it’s my time,
it will be my time.
I want to give back to this world
that has blessed me with so much.
I want what can be used by others
to be used.
I want what is left to be buried with
rainbow hostas on campus
and I want people to tell stories
about me and my legacy.
stories about what I taught them,
about meals I made them,
about times I touched their lives.
I want people to know they are not alone.
I want people to meet people
connect, comfort, and celebrate with each other.
I have not wanted much in my life,
but to do what I can to make this world a better place.
I had no control over the legacy I inherited,
but I realized long ago,
I had control over what I leave behind.
I hope no matter how or when I go,
that I leave behind a legacy
filled with people who remember
me with love, light, and laughter.
Until then,
I will keep living my life,
working to raise the vibrational frequency in this world
and letting others know I am grateful
for their presence in my life
and the love they have shown me.
I will do all this
until it is my time.

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When the Student Was Ready

When the Student Was Ready

I have had amazing teachers throughout my life.
There were times, however,
I was just not ready to learn.
When I remembered to be a beginner
then I opened myself up to learn,
but there were times I thought
I was an expert and I knew it all.
There were times I was dealing with so much
emotionally, mentally and physically,
that I could not process anything new
My Bubby taught me to quiet my soul
by walking, rocking in my chair, and
turning the noise in my head off until
all I could hear was the symphony of silence.
Come, Sara Bella, let’s walk
and then we would walk in silence
until she was ready to teach and
I was ready to learn.
My grandmother taught me to value crumbs.
She would gather them
and then she would blend them all together
to make the base of a cake.
Nothing, she would say,
is invaluable.
What my ancestors gave me
was a foundation and skills
like focusing,
following directions,
feeling emotions, and
being curious.
They guided me to tools
that continue to teach me today.
like respecting others
and not offering unwanted advice.
They taught me to think before speaking
and reframe what I say
so it always truthful, necessary and kind.
What they could not teach me
was the deep desire to understand,
the willingness to become more in tune with the Ultimate.
I had to be ready,
they would say,
to quiet my mind and soul,
and walk in silence with the Ultimate
as I was taught at the University of life
where I continue to study sign language,
not ASL,
but DSL – divine sign language
so I can learn how to learn from
all the Ultimate
sent me to learn from.
I just have to
stay ready to learn.

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Soup

Soup

We would gather in the kitchen,
my mother and I to make soup.
She always made chicken noodle soup from scratch.
Making soup was more than a time together.
It was a time when she taught me life lessons,
a time we connected, and
a time of meditation and focus.
Serving the soup,
or being served a bowl
was healing.
I could taste my mother’s love in each spoonful.
It carried with it memories.
Memories of patience,
memories of love,
memories of faith and
memories of compassion.
Making soup,
my mother would say,
is a form of prayer.
It is a time when we focus
on the experience,
the sights,
the sounds,
the smells,
which ushered us into prayer
and gratitude for the blessings.
Making soup,
she would say,
is about trusting the process,
as we trust in the Ultimate.
Making soup,
she would say,
is more then a bowl of soup,
it is a time to connect with the Sacred
to no that each spoon was a reminder
of how we are fed each day
and where our food comes from.
It is a reminder of how everything works out
as it should
and we are to savor each spoonful
and know that soup is
more then just eating a meal,
it is about deepening our relationship
with the Ultimate,
being filled with holy warmth,
and remembering there is more
in the bowl then just soup.

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RIP Sam Rivers

RIP Sam Rivers

You like Limp Bizkit?
Believe it or not – yes.
I had not listened to their music in a while,
but then Sam Rivers died.
I started remembering
the call to unite under a common good.
RIP Sam Rivers
for being a part of that call to unite humanity.
You called for the uniting over shared values
that are greater than any denomination or school of thought.
You may not have always sung it,
but you and the others lived it.
When it came to human dignity,
you and your group were more than
your bands name,
you were all about healing
and encouraging others to
heal through conversation.
I grieve your talent as a musician,
but more so I grieve
your calling as a healer,
as a part of something
which reminded us to never
judge a book by its cover.
RIP Sam Rivers
who always said music was
a way to combine intellect with the soul.
Your music
was an expression of your spirituality.
There was nothing pretty about your music,
but that is what I loved about it.
There was a primitive beat,
which reminded me of the chaos
in which we all came out of.
Listening to you reminded me
of the beauty and the power
which flows from our soul
when we just allow ourselves
to develop our own voice
and be the authentic one
we were created to be.
RIP Sam Rivers
and know that your
power is undiminished
and the music and lessons you taught will live on.
RIP Sam Rivers -- RIP

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For A Long Time

For A Long Time

For a long time,
i have wanted to fit in.
I have wanted to stop feeling like a round peg
in a square hole.
Most of my life
others have reminded me
I was not enough
or I was too much,
or I was different in a way
that left me knowing
I did not fit.
When I thought I had found my fit
I learned I was now a round peg,
trying to fit in a triangular hole.
I was so busy trying to fit,
that I was unable to see
the people and places
looking for round pegs
They were looking for people
like me who could see
beyond the binaries,
beyond the hierarchies
beyond the walls
and focused on bridges
and commonalities,
and creating ways out of no ways.
They were looking for round pegs
not just so I could fit in,
but so I could be in the midst of roundness,
because together we helped each other
grow and evolve
in spaces that were not just for square pegs
or triangle pegs or round ones,
but one where we all fit and
celebrate each other
for who we are,
and who we were working together
to help each other become.

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If I Were You

If I Were You

If I were you
I would kill myself, she said.
My response to this woman who had offered to help me
was “Well then, I am glad I am not you.”
And I wheeled away
to finish my grocery shopping.
Acquiring a disability
is neither the best,
nor the worst thing in the world.
It just is.
If I am being honest,
maybe it is the best.
it has allowed me to meet people
I may not have met.
It has allowed me to be heard
in ways I was not heard before.
it has allowed me to teach
classes I was not considered for before.
It has reminded me that
I am not my disability
and my disability is not me.
but at the same time remember I have a disability
and also forget that I do.
Don’t assume I am like everyone else you know,
if you know anyone who has one,
because none of us is the same,
but we all are the same.
See we are each human beings.
We each are living our lives
to our fullest.
So if you ever acquire a disability,
like so many people do,
don’t stop being you.
If I were you,
I would live life like I did before,
celebrating each day
and living life to its fullest.

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Not Finished

Not Finished

I am not a finished creation,
I am a work in progress,
But all the Ultimate needs me to be
is open to being transformed.

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Black

Black

“Why do you always wear black?
Black is dark, depressing and evil” he said.
But black for me
is more than that.
It is in black
that I escape into the mystery,
the sacred time with the Ultimate
and the holiness and holisticness I experience.
It is the black of my tea
in which I taste the earth
entering and grounding me.
Black is the silence,
the absence of earthly sounds
which bring me to the sacred time with the Ultimate.
I enter a space where I can hear
the symphony of silence
and the whispers of the ancestors.
Black is the ever changing beauty
which unfolds before me
like the pieces within a kaleidoscope.
Black reminds to be humble
as I feel the power and the touch of the Ultimate
in and on my life.
Black smells like
the morning dew
reminding me to give thanks
for this new day,
this new opportunity,
a new attitude.
Black grounds me,
transports me
and transforms me.
Black is all this and more

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“Why do you always wear black?
Black is dark, depressing and evil” he said.
But black for me
is more than that.
It is in black
that I escape into the mystery,
the sacred time with the Ultimate
and the holiness and holisticness I experience.
It is the black of my tea
in which I taste the earth
entering and grounding me.
Black is the silence,
the absence of earthly sounds
which bring me to the sacred time with the Ultimate.
I enter a space where I can hear
the symphony of silence
and the whispers of the ancestors.
Black is the ever changing beauty
which unfolds before me
like the pieces within a kaleidoscope.
Black reminds to be humble
as I feel the power and the touch of the Ultimate
in and on my life.
Black smells like
the morning dew
reminding me to give thanks
for this new day,
this new opportunity,
a new attitude.
Black grounds me,
transports me
and transforms me.
Black is all this and more

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Spiritual Feminist

Spiritual Feminist

My students have been discussing
the types and perspectives of types of feminists.
So what type are you they asked?
and the words floated to me and through me
as I answered
spiritual feminist
It is me.
it is why I teach as I teach
and write as I write
and live as I live.
It is what has led me on this journey to
and understanding of
the Ultimate.
It is what has emancipated me from organized religions
and the doctrines they teach.
It is what has led me to qualities,
principles,
characteristics,
which guide how I live my life,
minister to others
and work to heal and liberate the world.
it is why I strive to be loving and kind,
to purify the elements around me and within me
the fire,
the air,
the earth and
the water.
It is what has brought me to a place
where what is most important
is not what others think of me
but the integrity of my heart.
Spiritual feminism is what guides me
and why spiritual feminist,
activist for the Ultimate
is who I am
and how I move through
and connect with this universe.

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My Legacy

My Legacy

You can do nothing about the legacy you inherited,
but you can do something about the legacy you leave behind.
That is part of the legacy
my friend Alan Johnson left behind.
What am I leaving behind?
I would like to believe my legacy
is more about qualities
then things.
I doubt it will be about material wealth,
but more about spiritual wealth.
I would like to think my legacy
will be about the love and kindness
I have shown others.
I would like to think my legacy
will be about the wisdom I share with others
that my ancestors and those who came before me,
shared with me.
I would like to think my legacy
will be the advice and guidance
that I have offered to help others on their journey.
I would like to think my legacy
is in the poems and prose I have offered to the world.
I would like to think it is in my stories,
the ones I enjoyed learning
and those that were difficult, but transformative.
In the years I have left on this earth,
I am developing my spiritual estate,
with an inheritance to those who come after me
or who have walked with me
that my spirit and wisdom
might walk with them
and live in them
as all the teachers in my life
have done so in me.

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Let Go

Let Go

Have you ever heard
let go and let God?
it got me thinking
about all the things
I have filled my life with
and need to let go of.
If I let go,
then I make room
for so much to be birthed
in the emptiness I create
when I let go and let God.
When I let go,
I get to dance with the Ultimate
with an intimacy I could not,
I get to breathe
with a clarity and healthiness
I could not before I let go.
I let go of stress, anxiety and frustration.
I let in
peace
liberation,
resilience,
and clarity.
I let go of barriers
and birth opportunities.
Letting go
allows you and I to grow and
develop bonds
of trust and love,
with each other.
Letting go,
means
I get to make more room
for the Ultimate
each and every time
I let go.

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Stay Excited

Stay Excited

I woke up hearing
I’m so excited
and I just can’t hide it.
I try to stay excited
about everything I do,
because it energizes me
and gets me through the day.
There is something energizing
about finding joy and excitement
in all that we do.
Getting excited
makes me feel like a took a nap
I never took.
It reminds me to give thanks
for the gifts and blessings
in everything I do.
What if we stayed excited,
and did not hide it?
Would others feel it,
internalize it
and feel energized from
their own excitement.
Let’s energize our communities
and share our excitement.

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Win or Lose

Win or Lose

I have fought so many battles in my life.
They have not been against others,
but within myself.
At times, I have had to fight
just to survive
It started the day I was born
and had to fight to live.
There was the fight to be loved,
until my parents found
and adopted me.
Then there was the fight to be accepted
because I was always told
I was not enough.
I was not white enough
or black enough
or lesbian enough
or Jacobson enough
until I fought back
kicking the lies to the curb
and winning the truth
that I was more then enough.
I won the truth
that I was who the Ultimate created me to be.
I am who I am
and who the Ultimate
helps me to become.
My life is not battle free,
but the difference is
that I always emerge stronger
winning grace and mercy
from the Ultimate
and losing
those qualities which hold me back
and seek to destroy me.
In the battles I enter now,
I always win because I work with the Ultimate.

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What Are You Wearing?

What Are You Wearing?

Do you have an outfit
or something you wear
which makes you feel loved.
I have this long sleeved black dress
that wraps around me and
fits me perfectly where it should
but also makes me feel like I
an wearing a baggy sweater
which is soft and warm
and makes me feel loved.
There are some places
baggier then others
especially as I lose weight.
Everytime I wear it though
I feel as if the Ultimate
is around me,
wrapping me in love,
grace,
and compassion.
What are you wearing
and does it feel like
God is on you and with you.

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Simmering

Simmering

It was one of those cooking show lessons,
about meats that are tough
and need to spend hours simmering.
Over time of simmering in broths or juices
they become tender, juicy, and full of flavor.
It is the process that I enjoy.
Most people I know,
do not simmer,
but perhaps we should,
Simmering requires us to slow down,
to plan,
and to allow time and space
for transformation.
It means we step away from
the fast, rapid and instant prep
and take time to simmer
not just in our food prep
but in our spiritual transformation.
Sometimes we need to simmer
in the wisdom and mystery
the Ultimate puts before us.
Sometimes we need the time to
sit with it and simmer.
There is a time for microwave magic,
and a time for us to sit and simmer.

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Beginner’s Ears

Beginner’s Ears

"In the beginner's mind there are many possibilities,
but in the expert's there are few"
Shunryu Suzuki said.
What if we applied that to
what we hear.
How often do we not hear
or hear what we think people are saying
because we have expert ears?
What if we listened with beginner’s ears?
Would we hear with wonder and bewilderment?
Would we hear rhythms and vibrations,
would things sound like words
or like music
or something else I can’t imagine?
Or would I even hear with human ears?
Would I hear the symphony of sounds
and of whisperings
coming from the Ultimate
in a way that can be heard
only by beginner’s ears.

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