Wasting Time

Wasting Time

Sitting at stop lights (when I drove),
sorting through junk mail,
looking for that thing I cannot find,
waiting in line,
sitting on hold,
waiting for and riding the paratransit bus,
waiting for drs,
waiting for the microwave,
or the air fryer
these are just a few of the ways
I have wasted time in my life.
Moments here and there
that I am sitting
and doing nothing.
Just wasting time.
When you lose so many people in your life
you remember how precious each moment is.
I have a choice,
I remembered,
about how I use that time.
I can continue to waste it
or I can use it like a precious gift
and take those empty moments
and fill them with prayer,
with love notes I text to friends and family,
read or listen to a few pages in a book
meditate,
exercise,  
journal,
or perform a random act of kindness.
in those seconds or minutes
of time and fill them with
an appreciation of our time here
instead of just letting it pass.

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Interfacing

Interfacing

Anyone who knows me well,
knows I spend hours a day,
most of my days,
on the computer.
I use it to teach,
to build my business,
to help others heal,
to read,
to write,
to grade,
to do so many things.
Yet, how often do I give thanks
for the computer,
the phone,
the kindle,
and other forms of technology
which keep me connected
and independent.
Do I say good morning,
good night
or even say thanks or
I love you.
What if I did?
What if I looked at all the technology
in my life and treated it as if it is as
important to me as it is.
What else do I not give thanks for
that serves and supports me?
I sit here,
writing this on Labor Day,
while my technology is laboring for me
and allowing me to labor for others/
It has led me to think about
how I need to do something for it
and show it I care.
Maybe I should think about it
and give them names
and change the way we interface.

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All of Me

All of Me

I get so tired of having folks tell me
I would be prettier if
or I would feel better if
or whatever they think
would make me a better version of me.
If only I changed to fit their standards,
then I would be ok.
The reality,
well mine at least,
is that I love me just as I am.
I love all of me,
the parts I am proud of,
the parts I am working on,
and the parts that are on my
need to work on list.
Looking like X to make others happy
is about them, not me.
What is most important
is that I love all of me.
Not that I love me conditionally,
but that I love me unconditionally.
If I have to change
so you love me,
then you love the vision and fantasy of me,
you do not love me.
I cannot make you love me,
but I can choose each day
to love myself unconditionally,
not just some parts of me
but all of me.

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With Every Beat

With Every Beat

We would put our hands on our hearts
and say the pledge of allegiance
and my teacher said
it was how we honored our
flag, country and government.
When I place my hand on my heart now,
I have a completely different experience.
I am not thinking about pledging allegiance.
instead I feel my heart beating
and with each beat,
I am reminded that I am still here
and I am here to be of service to others.
I am here to show radical hospitality to others.
I am here to show compassion to others.
I am here to radiate love, light and positive energy
to all people,
to all living things,
to the entire universe.
My hand on my heart reminds me
of the warmth I feel,  
the things which bring warmth into my life
and the ways I radiate warmth to others.
My hand on my heart reminds me
about the miracles happening within me
and within you
that keeps our hearts beating,
and us waking up each morning.
It reminds me to be grateful,
to be appreciative
and to be joyful
for the miracle I get to feel
with every beat of my heart

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loving my adversaries

Loving my Enemies

My mother and my Bubby
taught me I should love my enemies.
Have you ever tried to do that?
Have you ever tried to love someone
you really do not like?
You know that person who hurt you so deeply
and so consistently that you didn’t even want to be
in the same room as them.
Then you are told to love them unconditionally.
I still remember the moment it hit me that
I am someone’s enemy
I am someone’s adversary.
Yet despite this,
I am the one the Ultimate has forgiven and transformed.
I am the one the Ultimate showered with grace
and helped heal.
I am the one.
If this was done for me as someone else’s adversary,
then shouldn’t I want this
for my enemies.
They too are the creations of the Ultimate.
If I can be transformed,
so can they.

The power of the Ultimate
is not just about loving me
but about showering that same
transformative and healing power
on my adversaries
because they too
are worthy of that loving grace.

 
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Feel It All

Feel It All

There are those feelings
I look forward to feeling
and those I prefer not to feel.
The reality is I have to
feel it all.
I can’t suppress one feeling
without suppressing others.
If I want to feel my joy,
really feel my joy,
I also have to allow myself to grieve
and cry
and feel the pain.
If I want to experience the wonder and
mysteries of life,
I have to also allow myself to
fear that which I do not want to feel.
I have to embrace all the feelings.
the ones that make me
jump with joy
and curl up in tears.
I have to find the courage
and the openness in my soul
to feel it all.

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Self caSelf care?re?

Self care?

Self care?
LOL me?
I am so much better at caring for others then myself.
My soul sister and wife
have been modeling for years
what self care looks like.
I am great at taking naps,
and making sure I am rested,
but doing things that bring me joy
has been hard,
especially since my paratransit disappeared.
Zoe tells me to buy what I want from the store,
make dishes I enjoy.
Eileen reminds me I deserve to do little things
like get my hair cut,
buy new clothes,
do things that bring me joy.
I am worthy of doing things that bring me joy,
of going places I want to go,
doing things I want to do,
re-exploring the world
now that I can leave my house again.
It is time for me to practice a different kind of self care.
the kind that involves friends,
pampering,
adventure,
and re-exploring the world.
this is why I am arranging
adventures with my soul sister
and my wife -
my two best friends/
This journey began a fewe months ago
with new socks, shoes,
and a new wardrobe.
Today it included things only I enjoy eating
like pickled tomatoes and half sour pickles,
ordering some vegan halva
taking a grading break
and rolling around the block
It may take me a moment to rediscover
what I enjoy
but what an awesome time of discovery
and self care.

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Hatred

Hatred

Hatred
I grew up thinking this was the opposite of love,
then I learned the opposite of love is fear.
Hatred comes from fear.
It is an intense negative response to
that which causes us fear.
It can be a fear of people,
things,
or even ideas.
Fear comes from
false things or beliefs
which appear real.
As much as I hate to admit it,
there are moments I feel hatred.
However, as I was once asked,
what are you doing with it.
my initial response was
nothing.
but then I realized holding on to it
was not helping me grow or evolve.
Hatred is now an opportunity to evolve.
it is an opportunity for me to let go of
that which is keeping me in fear.
When I use this to help me grow,
I leave the hatred behind
and grow in my capacity to love.

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Living Without

Living Without

Sometimes I close my eyes
and I remember you
and the memories flow back to me
and through me and keep me warm.
I look at those who are still here
and I remember how important it is
to create memories
with them while they are still here
so I can hold on to them when
the day comes that I have to live without them.
Then it dawned on me that
not only are those memories
important for me
but for you
as the day will come
when I am not here
and those memories
will keep you warm
when you are living without me.

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FEAR

FEAR

Fear,
I can live with it or without it.
Fear,
I was told is,
False Evidence Appearing Real.
I was told the way through it is to
Face Everything And Rise.
Facing everything has meant
I have to open my heart
to new ways of being and seeing in the world.
it means I have to seek the real
and not let it constrain me.
it means I embrace living
and not let fear kill me.
Living with or without fear is a choice.
Each day I choose to embrace life,
I choose to release my fears.
What have you chosen?

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Look Deeper

Look Deeper

I am always grateful to my ancestors,
and the wisdom they left me.
My Bubby and my mother,
both taught me about love.
There was one thing
both taught me to not say.
I hate you.
Those words,
they would say
are not of love.
Hate is not of love.
I could hate the action,
the behavior,
but not the person.
I think about that lesson today
with the political,
social,
civic,
and economic unrest.
I can hear them reminding
me that even those
contributing to the unrest
are of the Ultimate.
In the midst of the unrest,
I radiate love to all,
including those whose actions
I disdain.
However, rather then say I hate them,
I hold on to the wisdom
of my ancestors
and look deeper for the fragment
of the One who
created them as well.

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Roots

Roots

When I think about my roots
I find my heart going in multiple directions.
There are the roots of my parents who raised me.
There are the roots of the people who created me.
There are the roots of the foster parents who kept me safe.
They are all part of my roots in their own way.
Who I am today is rooted in their love.
My roots run deep and wide.
Some are like a tap root that is at the core of my being.
Others run wide and help me
love humanity
and not just those in my moment
or in my life.
The connection with my roots
is present whether they are or not.
Thinking about my roots reminds me
I am part of my son’s root system
and my wife’s
and people I do not know.
I must keep the love flowing
both into and out of my life.
Love is like the water of life.
It is what keeps us growing and glowing
no matter what life brings.
The love given to me
is what I share with others
and others share for me.
Love is the root of my life
and my relationship with humanity.

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Being Real

Being Real

Sometimes I get tired of looking like I have it so together.
I am like everyone else.
I have fears,
Issues,
challenges,
and struggles.
Having lost so many people to COVID,
and please don’t ask me what else was wrong with them,
I worry about dying unexpectedly.
I don’t so much worry about dying,
as much as I do those I love and
who will be there for them.
I worry about dying unexpectedly and
 leaving papers ungraded.
I worry about my death being an inconvenience for others.
No I am not planning on dying anytime soon,
but I want things to be organized
I want to know that those I love will be ok
until we meet again.
Until then, I work on getting everything organized,
decluttering,
getting things in order
I pull on my strengths to face my fears.
I face everything and I rise.
I focus on being real with those I love
and providing a space for them
to be real too

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i Celebrate Myself

I Celebrate Myself

I celebrate myself.
There is nothing wrong
with being able to stand in a mirror
and look at myself.
and say in myself I am well pleased.
I celebrate myself.
I celebrate who I am,
what I have come through,
how I have come through things.
I celebrate my faith,
my tenacity,
my compassion,
my patience,
my endurance,
and my love.
I celebrate all of who I am
and all of who I am becoming.
I celebrate my achievements,
my experiences, and
my existence.
In doing so,
I celebrate the one who
created me,
sustains me, and
maintains me.
I celebrate the love
through which I was created,
the love that flows to me
and through me.
For so many reasons,
I celebrate myself.

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Stones

I was reminded the other night
how fragile life is
as I remembered how
I almost died 4 years ago,
as a friend’s house burned down
and her cat died in the fire,
and a friend’s grandmother passed away
I remembered my mother and father
and the frustration I have about
my father not having a tombstone.

Then I thought about the stones
that sit on my shelf.
The stones that represent them,
the memories I hold of them
and the feelings which live in my heart.

My parents may be gone,
but like the stones I have
they live on in me and
the memories I have.
They are in the care of
the Ultimate and when
I hold my stones,
I know the Ultimate is
caring for them on heaven
as they were cared for on earth.

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Kindness

Piety used to make me think
of those who were holier than thou.
Then I learned that piety meant pious
which meant
kind

Kindess
is about showing
grace,
compassion,
gentleness,
love,
and concern for other

Kindness
is about the body, mind, and soul.
It is about our words
and our actions
being one

Kindness
is about being
loving,
giving,
caring,
empathetic and
generous

Kindness
is about doing unto others
as you would have them
do unto you.

Kindness
is unconditional.
It is about giving
without expectations.
It is about what we
experience
as much as what others do

Kindness
is about blessing
and being blessed.
It is all about being kind.

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We Get By

We get by
with a little help
from our friends,
from our spiritual community
and from those who journey with us.

We get by because they
inspire us,

encourage us,
challenge us,
laugh with us,
and love us unconditionally
for who we are in this moment.

We get by
because of this unconditional acceptance.
We get by because
they help us laugh at ourselves.
We get by because
they help us heal.
We get by because
it is easier then being
on this journey alone.

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Rest in Peace

Rest in peace
my friend.
It is what we say
when we lose a dear one.
When we know their
life’s work is done
and they can now
rest in peace.

What if anytime we
gave something time to rest,
we said rest in peace.
Like when one parks their car,
or lets their meat rest before cutting
or I shut my wheelchair off
or we shut our technology down
or we give anything that serves us
time to rest.

Rest in peace
my car,
my phone,
my computer,
my wheelchair,
my friend.
Thank you for your service today.
now rest in peace
until we meet again.

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Begetting

Goodness begets goodness.
kindness begets kindness.
Gratitude begets gratitude.
Love begets love.
What we put into the world
spreads out and touches others.

If I want to be surrounded by goodness,
I have to radiate it.
If I want to be surrounded by kindness,
I have to practice it.
if I want to be grateful, I have to have an
attitude of gratitude.
If I want to be loved,
I have to offer love.

I have to be the glue
to which goodness,
kindness,
gratitude,
and love
Stick.

I have to remember to beget
that which I want to birth
in this world.
What I beget is
what will continue to beget
long after I am gone.

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Caring for my Heart

Go to the gym
because your body needs
exercise.
Eat healthy.
All things in moderation.
These are a few of the things
I hear about caring for my body.

My heart needs more than
a cardio workout.
It needs love.
It needs to be touched,
caressed,
molded,
educated, and
refined.

It needs words,
actions,
feelings,
sounds,
images,
scents,
and ideas
which reach in and
caress my heart.

It comes to me through prayer,
meditation,
music.
art,
poetry,
and the whispers from above.

Sometimes it is the
creations of others
and sometimes it is the
conversations of my soul.
My poetry is
one way I speak
to my heart
and hopefully
to the hearts of others.

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