I am More

I Am More

I turned 70 this year,
and those who do not know me,
I mean really know me,
wonder why I am still working.
There is a myth that women over 60 cannot work well.
Know this!
I am more than the myths about old women.
Grandma Moses started painting at 78
and my gifts and talents are emerging and evolving
and enabling my lights to shine.
Being an old woman does not mean
I am weak and of poor health.
It does not mean I do not feel passion
or romance or want to spend time with the one I love.
Being an old woman means
I see the deep meaning in life.
I am emotionally resilient.
I am connected to the universe and to life.
It means I have spent decades
growing and evolving and
learning how to cope with loss,
finding peace,
and am on an ongoing journey of self-discovery.
I am more than the stereotypes others have heard.
I am the one who has learned to dance
in the most spiritual of ways.
I have learned which values work for me,
and which I need to let go or.
I am led by guides and mentors,
while guiding and mentoring others.
I continue to move away from caring how others value me,
and caring more about how the Ultimate sees me.
I am more than how my body may appear.
I am the one who has learned to cope with all of life
to be strong through life’s changes
and to stay calm in the storm
I am the who hungers for quiet times with the Ultimate.
who craves time to breath and reflect.
I am the one who hungers to support others and
to be supported by them.
I am more than the older gray haired woman.
I am me.
I am who I am
and who the Great I am
is constantly creating me to be,
whether I am 70 or 103.

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Leo Tolstoy and Me

Leo Tolstoy and Me

If someone had told me it would be Leo Tolstoy,
the author of so many amazing books,
that I would love to curl up with
and compare lives,
I would have laughed.
Today, though is a new day.
Leo and I grew up complete different lives
but we both operate as discerning reformers.
We bridge deep, systemic analysis with
a radical commitment to spiritual and social justice.
We definitely would not have always agreed
as we would have disagreed
about the human rights of women
and other marginalized individuals.
Leo wrote about the wrongs through literature still read today,
I live out those same core values in how I teach
and journey with others,
however, I teach and advocate for the liberation of all.
Tolstoy did not just write stories,
he gave us a microscope through which
he could introduce us to the details of humanity and society,
at least the part he saw as flawed.
We share the mind of an analyst.
We strive to point out the hypocrisies of society.
We work to dissect the complexities of this world,
breaking them down so others
can learn, examine and understand.
We share a commitment to spiritual justice,
not just one that is theoretical,
but one that is practical.
We write, to write the wrongs in this world,
speaking truth out of our commitment to liberation,
healing and social justice.
We have both moved away from empty dogmas
and embrace a theology about liberating the oppressed
and doing our work in peace.
Leo and I are storytellers.
He wrote to confront societies failures, inequalities and inequities.
I write to challenge the system,
but also to give humanity the tools to heal,
to waken their consciousness,
to help others,
and to give voice to the voiceless.
Leo Tolstoy and I refuse to accept things as they are,
I wish we had met.
Perhaps we will in the next realm.
Then we can talk about the tools we used
to pick systems apart,
what kept our spiritual fires alive,
and how we used all we have been given
to challenge what appeared to be unchangeable,
and make this world a better place,
one moment,
and one war at a time.
Perhaps, if Leo was with us today,
he too would be advocating for the rights of women
and all of humanity.
For now, I continue my efforts,
to change the world
one moment,
and sometimes one second
at a time.

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Selective Amnesia

Selective Amnesia

I have thought about what my life would be like
if I woke up with amnesia.
I sit here and think about
all I would have forgotten if I did.
but what if I could select what I forgot?
What if my amnesia was selective?
There are those who have it
because their brains have repressed memories
as a form of protection.
We have all had those moments
where we selectively forget
facts,
obligations, or
past mistakes
because it gets us off the hook.
There is more to spiritually selective amnesia
than just forgetting,
it is about letting go
of the past and all that keeps me
from being fully in this moment.
It is more about remembering than forgetting;
remembering who created me and lives within me.
It is about remembering the Ultimate
who has journeyed with me
and seen me through all of life.
It is about remembering
all the blessings I have forgotten about
even if for a moment.
It is about remembering all the revelations
I have gotten from Spirit
which led me through the storms
and reminded me
I am an overcomer.
I can feel spiritually selective amnesia
when I have moments of doubt
or worry
or find myself unable to give thanks
It sneaks in when I forget the one
who allowed me to live on
all the days I could have died,
the one who sustained me
when I didn’t realize I was being fed
and the who leads me forward
and never stops letting me know
my time here is just beginning.
Yes, there are moments I forget people, places and things,
but the one thing I work to never have amnesia about
is the Ultimate.

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Binging In and Out

Binging In and Out

I am not much of a binger,
well at least not when it comes to TV,
as we do not have one.
I don’t want to waste my time
mindlessly consuming
junk food and junk tv,
escaping from reality,
and not being in the moment.
Then I had to stop myself
because I have binged.
I have tuned into Youtube playlists
not for any of the reasons above,
but because like a theologian
I was looking for lessons
from the Divine
about others and for myself.
I listened for those spiritual lessons,
and answers to prayers.
I have realized that
binging caused me to
press the pause button
on my life
and have a Sabbath moment
that prevented me from burning out.
They reminded me of long
and meaningful conversations
which moved us past the superficial understanding
and towards a greater understanding of life
and of humanity
It’s not about
binging in or out
it’s about the intention
and the balance.

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Dear Me

Dear Me,
I look at this selfie
and I do not think I see
the me others see.
At first glance,
I see Sharon,
the name my parents gave me
but then as I sit and look
I see the one who says love me
the one originally called Claire,
then Clara,
then Claire again
and then my parents brought me home
and called me Sharon
but then my Bubby,
she looked at me
and gave me the name Sarah Bella
and ultimately that is who I see,
the one who gave me a prophetic name
Sarah Bella.
I see the beautiful princess
I was prophesized to be.
I see the grace I have received
and the grace I strive to offer to others
I see how my eyes look at the world
and the words I am hearing
as I listen to others.
I sense the tension in my environment
and the peace
I strive to radiate to others.
Just sit and be present
and let the beauty within you
shine through
and bless others.
This is what she would always say
and this is who and what I look for
when I look at selfies of me.

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More Than a Practice

More Than a Practice

My spiritual practices,
are like prescriptions which keep me
healthy and balanced.
I practice attention because it raises my awareness
and keeps me from being distracted.
I practice beauty because it gives me pleasure,
but keeps me from being so cluttered.
I practice being present because it gives me contentment
and keeps me living in the moment,
not the past or future.
I practice compassion because it makes me caring
and keeps me from being judgmental.
I practice connection because it is not healthy
for me to feel separated.
I practice devotions because it keeps me disciplined,
and committed.
I practice enthusiasm because it energizes me
and keeps me from feeling bored.
I practice my faith because it reminds me to trust
and not allow my heart to harden.
I practice forgiveness because it gives me freedom
and keeps me from being vengeful.
I practice grace because it causes to surrender
and keeps me from feeling shame.
I practice gratitude because it is important to give thanks
and reminds me from feeling entitled.
I practice hope because it keeps me optimistic
and washes away the despair.
I practice hospitality because it keeps me open and warm
and prevents me from being hostile.
I practice imagination because it frees me to be creative,
and it promotes me from being rational.
I practice joy because it keeps me happy
and keeps me from being sad.
I practice justice because I believe in fighting for equity
and dismantling all things oppressive.
I practice kindness because it reminds me to be generous
and not selfish.
I practice listening because it enables me to be discerning
and truly hear everyone listening.
I practice love because it promotes intimacy
and keeps me from making choices out of fear.
I practice meaning because understanding each other is so important,
and avoiding the challenges that come when we do not.
I practice nurturing because it promotes balance
and keeps me from feeling deprived
I practice openness because it encourages me to be flexible
and keeps me from being close minded.
I practice peace because it keeps me serene
and prevents me from feeling angry.
I practice play because it love being free spirited
and not always so predictable.
I practice questing because it reminds me that life is an adventure
and gives me the courage to be brave.
I practice reverence because it keeps me in a state of awe
and grateful for everything I have been gifted.
I practice shadow because it keeps me whole,
and realistic.
I practice silence because it keeps me contemplative
and helps me avoid chaos.
I practice teaching to share wisdom
and keep me from being egotistical.
I practice transformation because it is healing
and helps me fight for change.
I practice unity because it promotes solidarity
and not individualism
I practice mystery because it keeps me open to learning
and not feeling as if life is tidy and logical.
I practice being authentic and loving myself
because I am so worthy.
I practice zeal because it reminds me to be passionate
and keeps me from self doubt.
I practice yearning because it keeps me growing and evolving
and keeps me from being stuck.
I practice all my practices
because I have to practice them
so I can keep them
and keep myself practicing.

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Road Trip

Road Trip

Sometimes it’s the simplest of questions
like when or where was your last road trip.
I could not remember where or when
until I realized my life is a road trip.
it is all about the journey.
When I was younger,
it was all about the destination.
Now I shift gears
emotionally, mentally, and spiritually.
The journey of life I am on
leaves me with more than photographs and memories.
It has bought me to memories I needed to revisit,
to places that feel like home,
and to places that light up my senses
This road trip has reminded me
to unplug and embrace life.
it is teaching me to
embrace the detours
and learn something new
To tune in to what surrounds me
and the sensations which arise within me.
To always remember
I may find myself on a new path,
but I will never get lost,
I have my GPS
which lovingly reminds me to recalculate
in a voice from my GPS
also known as God’s Protection System.
Then I hear the reminder,
buckle up,
time for another road trip.

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