My Heart Condition

My Heart Condition

My heart is fine,
at least as far as I know,
so don’t worry.
Periodically,
I need to assess my heart,
I need to look for where it is hard,
where it is soft,
where it is closed,
open,
proud,
broken,
or tender,
Sometimes I reach in and lift it up
and feel it.
I feel for the hard spots
and massage them with love.
I have learned, over time,
to be my own cardiologist.
I work on the broken places,
and make them whole.
I look for the tender pieces,
and strengthen them
just enough to be loving and kind,
but strong and supportive.
I not only heal it,
removing the beliefs that cause it pain,
but I listen to it.
Not with a stethoscope,
but with silence.
The silence which allows
me to hear the Ultimate in my heart,
in each beat,
and in each sound surrounds me.
It is in the silence,
that I hear my heart beating,
and the heart of those who need me,
of the birds who sing to me,
of the flowers that bloom for me
and of the animals which bring me love.
I hear my heart beating
in the spirits which surround me
and the ancestors who travel with me.
When I hear my heart,
I hear the symphony
I can only hear in the silence
and which reminds me
of the open and loving condition of my heart.

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Pebbles

Pebbles

Pebbles,
they are more then a small stone.
Pebbles are about
grounding,
healing,
and connection to the Ultimate.
Pebbles
are about stability,
eternity,
and nature.
Pebbles have meant so many roles in my life.
I have used them to meditate,
give me inner peace,
help me find strength,
and heal.
Pebbles
I used to place them on gravesides
with the person’s name
to honor them
Now, I place them
in my meditation garden,
so I can always visit with
my ancestors and friends.
To others,
they may just look like a pebble,
but to me,
they are so much more.

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Murmuring

Murmuring

Sometimes murmuring is about
the way we speak,
soft, low, and secretive.
Murmuring
can bring healing or harm.
Murmuring can shift our attention
away from our inadequacies to others.
It is time to stop focusing on the lack in others
and focus on our own needs.
This is a season for us forgive ourselves,
others,
and work on our own growth.
Murmuring about others creates harm,
listening to the murmurs of our own heart
can help us heal.
May we focus on speaking peace and love into this world,
rather then murmuring hurt and harm

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Blessed and Highly Flavored

Blessed and Highly Flavored

I always tell people
I am blessed and highly flavored.
I know I am blessed.
I have been given so much.
Sometimes I have immediately seen the beauty
in God’s gift to me.
Other times,
I have to be like a chef
and work with what I have been given
and allow the flavors to develop and bloom.
The blessed comes easy,
but the flavored comes from my commitment
and my willingness to work through all circumstances
to find the beautiful while facing difficulties.
It is through the journey that I find the beauty
in the most difficult of times.
The blessed comes from God’s commitment to me
and the flavored comes from my commitment to God.
Together it allows me to know
I am blessed and highly flavored.

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Being Forgiving

Being Forgiving

Forgive them father, for they know not what they do.
For give us our trespasses, as we forgive those who trespass against us.
We all make mistakes,
we all have done something to someone
at some time
in some way
that have caused others to suffer.
Not only have we suffered because of others,
but we have contributed to the suffering of others.
Let me forgive others,
because I would want others to forgive me.
Let me forgive myself,
and ask for forgiveness from others.
Let us be forgiving,
so we can ease God into those spaces
where we previously stored hurt and anger.
Let us be forgiving,
so we can heal ourselves
and contribute to the healing of others.

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My Infusions

My Infusions

Last week I began weekly visits
back to the hematology center
to get another round of iron infusions
to help me battle another severe case of anemia.
My friends have all heard how horrific my first experience was,
but this center is infusing me with more then iron.
Honestly, it is not just me
it is everyone I have met there,
they infuse their patients
with love.
They remind me of how we are to treat others.
They treat each patient like a flower,
They care for each one of us,
helping us heal, grow,
and feel pampered.
I have seen how they take the time
to understand us,
to know what we need,
what makes us comfortable,
what makes us feel safe.
What if we treated each others like flowers
infusing each other with love and attention?
What if we made sure those we loved were watered,
nourished,
fertilized,
and getting everything they need.
My hemotology center is more than a place of healing,
it is a flower bed
and all work to keep
every life blooming.

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If I Laugh

If I Laugh

I woke up thinking about you
and how much I miss you
and even though you’ve been gone decades now
I still miss you with all my heart.
I have come to realize that
if I laugh,
even if it just a little bit,
it relieves the pain
that I feel when I want to talk to you.
If I laugh,
I can remember
the joyous memories I have of you
instead of the hole left
when you returned to the eternal home.
If I laugh,
just a little bit,
I can forgive myself
for the plans that didn’t work
that would have given me one more memory of you.
If I laugh,
just a little bit,
I can remember
how you taught me to laugh,
to be kind,
to have patience
and to the parts of you
which live within me.
If I laugh,
just a little bit,
I can find that place of peace
I have in my memories of you.
Sometimes when I laugh,
it is because it helps me through the grief
and leads me back to the joy.
so give me my space to heal
if you see me laugh,
even just a little bit.

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Being Chicken Soup

Being Chicken Soup

Having grown up in a Jewish household,
there were lessons I learned from my mother,
who was one of several women who taught me
powerful traditions.
My mother taught me that my presence,
my simply being present for another
could lift someone’s spirit and
help them to heal.
As my Buby once said,
being present for others can be as healing
as a bowl of homemade chicken soup.
We can be the chicken soup
which heals someone and
lifts their spirit,
simply by being present.
It may be nothing more than
a smile,
a friendly hello,
asking how they are,
or spending time.
We have the power to bring
the healing power of chicken soup
into their lives.

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Mercy

Mercy

As I look back,
I find myself giving thanks
for the people in my life
who have been like
heat sinking missiles
landing on and exploding
my most sensitive of areas.
Their presence has saved
me time and money in therapy,
as they have drawn my attention
to the areas
in need of the most healing.
I show them mercy
as I know others have shown me
when I have been
the heat sinking missile
in their life.
it is not that I want
these experiences in my life,
but that I need them.
They are the impetus for my growth,
my humility,
my reminder to be merciful
and to receive the mercy of others.

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Hard healing

Hard Healing

I love it when
the chances to grow and evolve
are easy.
It’s when they are hard
and they crack me open,
making me look at the wounds
and let the tears flow
so the healing can begin.
It’s when I find the hard spots
in my heart
and have to massage them
back into softness,
slowly letting and releasing
the scabs which had formed
over time and
a lifetime of injuries.
Healing is not always
bought about by the easy
things in life,
sometimes it is
the hard healing
which is the most powerful.

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My Places

My Places

There are days
and moments
that I wake up in fear
or in pain,
not physical,
but emotional, mental, or spiritual
and I just want to
curl up and cry
and scream stop.
Then I change my focus and
journey to my places
where I find peace -
my rocking chair,
the shower,
my prayer and meditation garden.
Each has something about it
which allows me to connect with
the peace which transcends understanding.
I find myself alone with Spirit,
experiencing healing grace,
love,
insight, and
understanding.
There is something about these places
which grounds me,
cleanses me
and brings me peace.
We all need those places,
where are yours?

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Healing

I can’t speak for anybody but myself,
but I hate those days where I just feel off.
Those days where I feel distracted,
where I feel off balance.
Those days where I am hungry,
but don’t know what I want to eat.
I am tired,
but I can’t seem to sleep.
I have tons to do,
but do not have the desire
or the focus to do anything.

My brain won’t shut off and
I just want to scream.
It is in the midst of that storm,
that the wise voice in me
tells me to just stop.
Eat, drink, make sure
I have taken my meds,
lay down,
stop the clutter in my head,
turn everything off,
and focus on the silence.
It is in the midst of the storm,
when I drag myself
to the silence,
that I find my peace
and clarity
and the wisdom
to repair what was broken
and remind me
what I need to do
to stay balanced, focused, and centered
and get back to that space
if sending and receiving
the most positive of energy
to myself and others.

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Beauty

Beauty, they  say
is in the eye of the beholder
But it is so much more.
Beauty is like a food.
It fills one’s spirit.
It helps us see things,
feel things,
understand things,
see things,
and experience things
in a way that
surpasses understanding.

Beauty
is healing.
nurturing,
transformative,
and evidence of the
Divine.

Beauty is
about you and me
and the way we see
ourselves and each other.
When we look for it,
we will see it all around us.
The more we look for it
the more it will surround us.

Beauty
will keep you warm on cold winter days
cool in the summers,
birthing newness in the spring,
and being colorful and transforming
in the fall.
Beauty is
what you as an artist
create in yourself
with every stroke of your brush.

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The Mirror

I look in the mirror
and sometimes I love
what I see and
there are other times
I don’t
However, there has never been
a time when I hated
what I saw so much
that I could slash my wrist
or poison myself
or want to leave this world behind.

When I look in the mirror
what I see is a reflection
of the Divine,
the one who created me,
the one who designed me
the one who tells me
you are beautiful just as you are.

When I look in the mirror
what I see is a reflection
of the Divine
of the one who is love,
is about healing
is about grace
is about wisdom and
is about listening.

When I look in the mirror
I pray for those who
do not see what I see
or feel what I feel.
I pray for those who see
something so painful
that leaving feels better
than staying

When I look in the mirror,
I remember to pray
for those
I know,
those I do not,
those who are whole and
those who are hurting,
those who have asked
for prayer
and those who have not
because we are all
a reflection
of the Divine

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Music

Music is about healing.
it is the medicine which
can bless me,
cleanse me,
heal me,
calm me,
soothe me,
energize me,
and minister to
my soul

Music comes and ministers
to my senses.
it is not always the whole piece.
Sometimes is it a single note.
a few notes
a word
a chorus
or the way it is played.

Music can create something
sacred within me.
It can be an offering
to the eternal.
It can be a reminder of
how the universe is greater
then any single moment in time.

Music is;
it it not always describable;
it just is.

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Held in Your Arms

There are days
when I just need
to be held.
When I want to be
a little gurl held
in my mother’s arms

Then I close my eyes,
wrap my arms around myself
and rock myself
until I feel myself being
held in your arms.

It brings me back in time
to those moments when
I was wrapped in the
arms of love and knew
all was going to be okay.

Now when I need to be held
I wrap my arms around myself
and rock myself like my mother did
until I am held by you
and rocked in your Divine love.

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Hospitality

I was reminded of a video
about a young boy and an older man
who created a space
to let each other in.

That is what hospitality is about.
its about taking people
into our worlds.
Its about letting them into
our hearts, mind, souls
and saying you are welcome.

Its about breaking down barriers,
tearing down walls,
overcoming obstacles.
its about building bridges which connect us,
not walls which separate us.
its about connecting people
and hearts
one at a time.

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Mending

I have to begin by owning my mistakes.
I cannot mend,
what I cannot own.
I cannot fix,
what I do not admit I damaged.

Mending the world
begins with me.
If I am living at peace in my soul
then my home is
When my relationship is joyous,
we share that with the world
When we share our joy
we make our community better,
which makes our region better,
which makes our state better
which makes our country better
which makes the world better.

My being mindful about mending
that which I need to mend
is about me making this world a better place.
it is about me helping to mend
the world.

What if each day we fixed our mistakes
before we went to bed.
What if we fixed things
as they happened,
instead of letting them build.
What if we focused on
mending
our lives,
and the world

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