The last few days I have been feeling as if I was entering a different state of being and have not been able to figure out where this shift is coming from. Then I remembered that this is October, the month where my body remembers to grieve the loss of my god-daughter, the leaving the adoption center, the birth into my family, the severing of yet one more umbilical cord in my life and the creation of another one.

Reading Thich Nhat Hanh’s book on fear has reminded me how you have always been my umbilical cord. When it was time for me to leave the safety of my birth mother’s womb, you were there to protect me. You brought me into your utero for just a moment while they worked on saving my human life and the life of my birth mother. Even when my spirit returned to my infant body, my umbilical cord to you remained attached. When I was moved to the foster home, my umbilical cord to you remained attached. When I was brought to the adoption center, my umbilical cord to you remained attached. When my parents adopted me, my umbilical cord to you remained attached.