I am Enough: Now and Then

The other night I was having a conversation with someone who was beating herself up for not being enough of what she thought she should be. I could empathize with where this person was, as I could remember a time when I had internalized the message that I was not enough. I remember eventually reaching a space where I was so tired of being told that I was not enough of something or too much of something. I was tired of dating people who were makeover queens and always willing to tell me what I needed to change to become the perfect partner for them. I had finally come to this point of realizing that if they did not love me for who I was, then they did not love me. My therapist at that time suggested I write what I was feeling. Later that week, I sat down and wrote a poem for myself and to all those who had ever criticized me for being who I am. It is called I am enough

I am enough

to all those people
who have taken the time out of their lives
to tell me
where my deficiencies in life are,
I just want to say
thanks for your condemnations,
but
I am enough

to my brothers who have said that I am not Jacobson enough,
to my teachers who told me I was not smart enough
to the pastors who have told me that I was not straight enough or lesbian enough
to my ex-partners who have collectively told me I was not sexy enough, assertive enough, playful enough or forgiving enough
to the white people who tell me I am not white enough
and the black people who tell me I am not black enough
I want you to know, that no matter what you say, I know that I am enough

to those of you who told me that I was too much of something
to my father who told me I was too emotional
to those of you who have told me I am too serious
to my dean who told me I am too “out”
to those of you complain that I am too shy
to my colleagues who complain that I am too radical in my teaching
to those of you have complained because I am too whatever
I want you to know, that no matter what you say, I know that I am enough

I am enough,
because God made me the way she wanted me to be
she gave me enough words to make people feel loved
she gave me enough emotion to feel compassion for others
she gave me enough of every spiritual gift that I need to do hir will
She has given me enough of everything I need,
to be enough

so why are you so worried about what is wrong with me? 
have you looked at your own life?
pick up a mirror and
look at your own life with the same critical edge that you look at mine?
I could tear each of you apart,
the way you have torn me
but I know that each of you is
enough and so am I.

Well, a few years have passed, probably more like a decade now and I have to say that writing that poem was so cathartic for me. it helped me to release all the frustration I felt towards people, reject the messages others had tried to impose in me, and claim my power and control over my life. It was a time for me to say I know who I am and I am enough just as I am. if you can’t see it, well that is about you. Here I am about ten or more years later, and I am in a very different space then I was then, so I thought I would write a follow up to that poem about who I am now.

I am still enough

I am enough

And to all those people who once put me down, and mostly to myself
I am taking the time today
To tell myself
Where my strengths in life are

I want to thank myself
For all the affirmations
Because I am worthy and
I am enough

I am the beautiful loving spirit my parents helped me to become
I am intelligent
I am the perfect expression of love
I am sexy, assertive, playful and forgiving
I am a proud Halfrican woman
I was created by love in the image of love and am love
and that is enough

I am the perfect state of imperfection
I am love in all that I say and do
I am a serious in my contemplation and my playfulness
I am who I was created to be
I am a loving, quiet reflective spirit
I am a creative, reflective, and inspirational teacher
I am perfect, as are you
I am enough

I am enough,
because the Creator made me in the image of love
I have been given the call to share that love
I have been given the call to express compassion
I have been blessed with spiritual gifts beyond measure
I have been given everything I need
I am enough.

May we each focus on supporting each other in our journey
I will support you in  your journey
and you support me in mine
May we both have the courage to be honest with ourselves
As we move forward in our own evolution and transformation
that we might transform this world through love
because I know that each of us is
enough and so am I

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