God has a real sense of humor. A few weeks ago, I talked about being released from fear. All I can say is that it was true for the moment. Since then I have had to face waves of fear that have risen from inside me. I had to look in what I call the mirror of truth and see through the fears, which have come rising to the surface. Sometimes it has felt like they were going, “so you thought we were gone, guess again. We’re back.” First, I had to work through my fears of anybody doing a healing on me. I had to face the fear that is within me related to “healings.” There was this immense power and clarity that came as I moved through that fear. The healing I had a few weeks ago, was healing and liberating. The other night the same person did another healing session on me and she said the energy was flowing more evenly. Hearing that news was not surprising, after all the first time my body was filled with fear about what might happen, what could happen, how I might respond.
Once I moved through that fear, I was faced with another one, the fear of learning how to navigate in our home and the world without my wheelchair. When the use of my wheelchair was taken away from me, I realized how safe I had become and that I had no longer been impeccable about how I used my body and my energy. Having to spend a week using my body in ways it has not been used in years was physically painful, it was also healing and gave me clarity as to how strong I am and that nothing in life is impossible for me to achieve.
Trying to do some things without my chair was easier to do then other things were. Walking up and down the hallway was fine, especially after I got the brace on my foot in the morning. However, things like chores, cooking, and other activities of daily living, which required constant movement, were at times quite painful. There were mornings that I woke up in such pain and had to consciously control my thoughts and move a state of peace.
One of the things I have been learning is how each day is faced with opportunities to face the unknown in life. If I can tap into the power to move through the unknown in daily life, then I can tap into the power to move through the bigger fears in life. I always have to remember that fear is nothing more then False Evidence Appearing Real. Even though the obstacles in front of me may appear real, they only exist in my mind.
It is like the story I was once told from J. K. Rowling’s first Harry Potter book. As young Harry is departing for wizard school, he is handed his ticket for the train called the Hogwarts Express. It says “Platform nine and three-quarters, at 11 o clock, the first of September.” But when he arrives at the train station trundling all his baggage and the required owl, he can find only platforms nine and ten: nothing in between, but a barrier that separates them. ....... With only ten minutes before the appointed departure time, Harry is desperate for how he’ll ever find the platform he needs, when he notices a woman with four boys in tow... each pushing a trunk just like his; and they, like Harry, also have an owl. Harry timidly stops her, to admit that he doesn’t know how to get onto the platform.
“Not to worry,” she said. “All you have to do is walk straight at the barrier... Don’t stop and don’t be scared you’ll crash into it, that’s very important. Best do it at a bit of a run if you’re nervous...”[1]
Although the barrier looks very solid, Harry starts to walk toward it, then more quickly. The barrier comes nearer and nearer, he feels out of control, knows he won’t be able to stop, then it’s only a foot away and he closes his eyes ready for the crash– but it doesn’t come. He keeps on running and opens his eyes. And there, waiting next to a platform packed with people, is a scarlet steam engine marked “Hogwarts Express.”
All I ever have to do in life is run through the obstacles in front of me and know I will arrive safely. When I do, I will encounter others who have moved through that same obstacle.
[1] Rowling, op. cit., p. 93.