I am in one of those spaces where I have to really listen to myself and the wisdom you have shared with me over the years. I have to laugh at how my body keeps doing things that are supposed to be a rarity. First, it was the dually obstructed kidneys. Now, it is having hydrops for the second time, especially given that only 3% of those with keratoconus have it once. While I am not excited about having to experience either, I am grateful that in the midst of it all I am holding on to my faith and am surrounded by people who love and support me unconditionally. Zoe always tells me how special I am, I guess I must be that you keep using my body to defy the odds.
It would be easy right now to fill my heart with doubt, negativity, and worry about what is to come. However, I am choosing each day to fill my mind with positive thoughts, love, and visualizations of my being healthy and having my vision restored. I am also aware of the miracles that are occurring in my life. I remember when they told me I was in acute renal failure and all were prepared for me to be on dialysis. I can understand how they thought that when my creantinin levels were 10.77. However, after Dr Eichel put the stents in my levels began to drop and the urine began to flow and my most recent blood work showed my creantinen levels at below 1; the sign of healthy and efficient kidneys. Thank you for reminding me of the miracles you are able to perform in my life and in the lives of others
The same seems to be happening with my bilirubin. Once the stent was put in my bile duct, the bile began to flow and the levels began to drop. You directed me to a hospital where one of only three people in the city are trained in a technique that allowed them to ultrasound my organs from within me and get clear images. In doing so, you were able to show them that there were no masses, tumors, or evidence of cancer. That was enough to allow me to come home and rest and heal in my own home, where I am surrounded by love and healing energies.
I apologize for having a moment of weakness when Dr Ryan told me I had hydrops again. I had this moment when I violated my own advice and began to wonder what you were doing to me. Then I pulled my own head out of my ass and began the process of asking what you were doing for me in this challenge. Losing a significant amount of my vision has not been eays, but already I am seeing how this is giving me an understanding of what my friends who are legally blind go through on a daily basis and the challenges they face when they are in school or trying to do anything that requires their vision. I am so grateful for friends who have given me advice and inspiration on how to navigage my way through this so that I can continue to do my job, while my cornea heals.
I have to laugh because I know that each of these is about helping me become healthier. I have learned how to increase my fluids so that my kidneys are able to move toxins out of my system efficiently. I am learning how to create meals that are enabling zoe and I to both lose weight and become healthier. While 2014 might have ended with some challenging times, I am grateful that you brought me through and that 2015 will be the year of constructing a new and healthier Zoe and me.
I have also learned how to set boundaries around the use of my energy. I have had to delete those who bring negative energy into my life and reduce the number of things I was doing so I can invest more time focusing on making myself healthier and ensuring I get enough rest.
I guess I have been a bit more stubborn then I realized. However, I am grateful that you have never given up on me and do all you can to help me become the healthiest I can be. I think you for all those who have shared their gifts and talents to help me in my journey from the medical team at Unity Park Ridge to those I trust to do energy work on me, such as Zoe, Ursula, Heather, Sharon and Nina. I am grateful for all I am learning in this journey and the community which has developed around Inspiritual which never cease to support me with love, healing energies, and prayers.
If I have learned anything else it is to love and accept myself for who I am at any given point in time. So today, I am loving myself unconditionally with limited vision and my body and organs just as they are. I am at peace with my journey and at peace with my body in the condition that it is. Tomorrow I will be at peace with my body as it is then. While the status fo my body may change, I am going to be intentional about staying at peace with who am I at any given point in time.
For all this, I give thanks to you.