Today I want to give thanks for the box from my brother and his wife. I have been sitting there staring at this box for about a week now, wanting to open it, but really just wanting to sit and be with my feelings about receiving this box. See the reality is that I really do not care what is in the box; it is just that I have the box. It is that he stopped and sent me a gift. It is that he took the time to think about me and let me know I was in his thoughts. I honestly could not care about what is inside the box, I am just enjoying sitting here looking at the box.
Here I am 59 years old and my brother is 57 ½ and he and I are exchanging gifts for the first time ever. I don’t ever remember getting a gift from him as a child and I know I never got one as an adult. So this box is more than just a box, it is a statement that he and I are connected and he cares. I didn’t always know that, but I do know.
I think it all changed when we were talking about our other brother, who has distanced himself from us. I had said something about my interaction with him, and Mark responded well I am not going to reach out because he will say the same thing to me. I said, “Well, maybe not.”
Mark said, “Why would you say that?”
Me well you are a real Jacobson, I told him. Remember, I am not.
Mark Where did that come from? Why would you say that?
Me it is what you and Jess used to say to me all the time when we were growing up.
Silence
Mark I am so sorry. I don’t remember saying that to you, but I can heart the hurt in your voice. You are a real Jacobson. You are my sister and I love you and always will.
Me thank you.
I don’t remember much of what came before or after, but I do remember how loved I felt when he said that. It was as if this hole in my heart filled with love and then sealed itself shut.
Then the box came. It was months later, but it came. It makes me wonder if this experience changed something for him as well
I guess it really does not matter. It is what it is. I am grateful for the gift. What he gave me is more than a box. It was a love letter from my brother and for that I will always give thanks.