Dear God,
I am grateful for this month of reflecting on my own worth. In doing so, I have been reminded of how important it is to me to speak with integrity. It reminds me of a conversation I had with a colleague recently about knowing when to allow myself to speak and when I need to breathe love into my being and remember the Sufi teaching about the questions I must answer before speaking. Is what I want to say truthful? Is it necessary? Is it kind? It parallels the teachings of Toltec Wisdom and don Miguel Ruiz about being impeccable with my word. When I speak with integrity, I am only saying what I mean and when I combine it with the Sufi teaching; I know that how I say what I mean also comes from an intent of love.
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I just have to say that sometimes I am much better at following the four agreements than others. It seems that most of the time I am impeccable with my word, I do not take things personally, I seek clarification and don’t make assumptions and work to always do my best. Then there are those moments, whether it is because of a super moon, a total eclipse of the sun or that we are in some planetary retrograde. There are those moments when, for whatever reason, I forget and take something personally.
When this happens I know I am not upset with the person who said or did whatever, I am upset with myself because I allowed myself to take it personally.
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Trying to undo all these years of internalized negativity and oppression is not always easy. I have clearly made progress in my pursuit of living the four agreements. I have made significant progress in terms of never saying anything negative about others. It seems like that was the easy part, although there are a few times when a student will say something, which I allow to get on my nerves for a moment. Then I have to stop and ask myself “why are you taking this personally, this is not about you?” This just happened to me recently and as I worked through it, I realized that I had internalized some fear from a conversation with someone a few years ago. I had to release the fear so that I could let it go. The thing I am happiest about is that I have learned how to make these moments commercials and not allow them to become full-length documentaries that take over my day.
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Dear Sharon –
I just wanted to let you know how proud I was of you yesterday. You spoke your truth in love. In a space where you could have responded out of anger, you chose to respond out of love and compassion and help the other person release their guilt. I know that forgiving them was important. I also know forgiving yourself was equally important. In doing so, you set both of you free. I know there were moments where you wanted to listen to the Inner Judge telling you how this was your fault. However, you need to remember that when you made the decision you did, it was the best decision you could have made in those circumstances
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