Someone I know once told me they would rather be in a relationship, which was abusive and miserable, then be alone. The other day someone told me how being alone was the scariest time in their life. Increasingly, I am encountering people who would rather be around people who they do not like, then be alone. So what has made being alone such a thing to be feared? The question I asked both of them was what is it that you see in yourself when you are alone that makes it feel better to be treated badly by someone else? What they both said was that it was not about them, but that they did not want to be alone. What I have come to realize over the course of my life is that until we can be alone with ourselves, we cannot be present with anyone else.
There is a difference between desiring someone to cuddle with at night. There is nothing wrong with wanting to share a meal or talk with someone over a glass of wine or cup of coffee. Part of who we are as human beings is the desire to commune with others, to communicate and seek companionship and camaraderie. However, it can be unhealthy to avoid the sacred nature of being alone because one is scared to spend time communing with one’s self.
Sometimes being alone can be one of the most sacred times in our life. It is in my time by myself that I have been able to become familiar with my voice, my way of being, the way I feel, where I feel things, and my own senses. When we are alone, we learn to appreciate quiet time with special things that you do just for yourself. It is as if we are on a date with ourselves. We can take ourselves out for a romantic date for just one. We can pamper ourselves, be extravagant with ourselves, and have conversations with ourselves without anyone wondering if we need counseling. Our time alone can be a sanctuary where we can examine our thoughts, feelings, and all the things we did not feel safe feeling or thinking while we were around others.
For those who have avoided being by alone, this is a time to ask your Higher Power to show you how you can make it feel better, how you can create a safe space for you to be alone. At the same time, acknowledge that you are never alone because your Higher Power is always with you. Explore the gifts your Higher Power is prepared to share with you when you are alone.