This morning I awoke to a picture and a story a friend has posted on Facebook of a humpback whale. This is what it said:
A female humpback whale had become entangled in a spider web of crab traps and lines. She was weighted down by hundreds of pounds of traps that caused her to struggle to stay afloat. She also had hundreds of yards of line rope wrapped around her body, her tail, her torso, a line tugging in her mouth.
This is her story of giving gratitude.
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The
other day I was going through some of my old poetry and found a poem I had
written years ago, actually more like decades ago. I called it Afraid. I am not
sure why it spoke to me. Perhaps it is because a friend asked me the other day
what I am afraid of. So that question amongst others is what I have been
meditating about this week. Sometimes I wish my brain would not be so deep and
reflective, but that is how I am choosing to be at this time in my journey.
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I can always tell when Ganesha has been working in my life.
sometimes It is because I have had this lifelong dream of an elephant flying
into my life when I am in a space of struggle, wrapping its trunk around me,
flying me into the heavens, setting me on a cloud and leaving me there to rest while
it flew off into the universe. Later, it would come back, and fly me back to a
transformed setting where all obstacles had been removed and the path was clear
for a new beginning.
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This is one of those phrases most people have heard and may not know where it came from. When I went to seek out the source myself, I was reminded that it came from the New Testament and was a part of a scripture. Here the writer was saying that knowing Jesus would set you free. However, that is not how most people use it today. For example, in one of Oprah Winfrey’s life classes she used this to assist people in talking about how keeping secrets deeply hidden have impacted their life. Don Miguel Ruiz talks about the truth setting you free as the need to stop lying to one’s self and thus ending the suffering we create for ourselves.
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So often, we do not think about what we want or need in a relationship. Some of us are so hungry for a relationship that we settle for the first person to come along because we are afraid we will never find anyone else to love us. It is that fear that persuades us to stay in relationships that are not what we need and are often times abusive and neglectful. In those relationships, we do not have an authentic relationship with the person we are with, nor do we have an authentic relationship with ourselves. I would like to believe that most people do not want a relationship that is abusive, neglectful, and disrespectful.
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So today was field trip day. We were to go wherever we wanted to go today and observe the buildings, the people, the weather, and anything else that caught our interest. We were to notice what we were drawn to and what we learned in the process.
Ok, so here is the thing. I have begun to notice that whatever I am “assigned” to write on that day is what I really need to write about at that time in my life. So Tuesday’s are my busy day with school and this Tuesday was no different. I was gone much longer then I would have liked, but it was all good. Well except for the weather, as we prepared for the “blizzard” of 2011. In some respects, there has been this kind of emotional blizzard going on in my life around liftline, so the bitter cold, snow, and wind in the weather kind of matched some of what I was experiencing and like the blizzard,
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Ok, so here is the thing. I have a love hate relationship with the phone. On the one hand I want to be accessible to people, but there are times that I do not feel like talking to a person or people in general. So I make the decision to not pick up the phone. If I am feeling tired or not at a place where I feel that I could be present for a conversation with this person, I feel as if it is more respectful of me to not answer, then to answer and find myself thinking about doing something else. At the same time, I struggle with not being there for people. so I have this internal conflict going on because there are times that I do not want to be disturbed, like when I am journaling or having quality time with Zoë or after 10 pm when I am trying to get ready to unwind and relax for the night. I think part of my conflict comes from releasing the sense that I am on call, which is a remnant from my days of pastoring, to being in a new place in my life.
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