Sunday morning meanderings

I just wanted to take a moment this morning to just be. I am sitting at my computer and everyone else in our home is asleep. In the quiet, I can hear the birds outside having a conversation with each other. I wonder are they saying, come eat, the feast is prepared because the bird feeder was refilled yesterday. When we feed them, do they understand and feel the love and gratitude we have for them. When we water the plants in our yard, are we doing it with an attitude of love or obligation. I am always amazed at how everytime I water them, I can see a rainbow in the water.  I hope our plants feel the love and our concern for their health and well being. As I think about this, I am thinking I need to talk with Zoe about watering our grass. What are we saying when we do not -- we do not care for you. Just because others in our neighborhood do not water there lawns, does not make it ok for us to not water ours. It is time to show a little love to that which we look at everyday and have not been paying adequate attention to, other then to mow it.

I fell down and _________.

Sometimes I just have to laugh at myself, especially when I do not take my own advice. I am not sure where my brain was Thursday morning. It was obviously not in my head. Zoe and I went to the Public Market to do some shopping. After having a not so great veggie breakfast empanada, I decided to see if any of the little shops that are normally open on Saturdays in this indoor section were open on Thursday and sadly they were not. As I came back out, I failed to look for the curb cut and sailed off the curb in my wheelchair without my seat belt on and went flying landing on my hands and knees. It was one of those in slow motion moments. Before I knew it Zoe and a slew of men were there wanting to help me and make sure I was ok.  Fortunately, I was fine and outside of a few sore areas in my knees and back (the two healthiest parts of my body -- lol) I was fine. The frustrating part was getting back on my feet. I knew what I needed to do. I was able to get my left foot on the ground. However, I had trouble communicating what I needed people to do with my right leg. Ultimately, I was able to communicate what I needed them to do to help me and my right foot was on the ground and I was back in my chair.  So what did I learn from this great adventure. Well, for one I saw the love in Zoe's eyes and it was a blessing to know how after all these years she still loves me. I learned that I need to remember to stay in the present and be mindful of my surroundings. I am not sure what time zone I was in at that moment, but it was not the present. I was reminded that we all fall down. Sometimes we can get back up on our own. However, sometimes we need the help of others. The important thing is that we keep trying and that we do get back up again. And so I did, finished my shopping, and came home, and then left again to teach Queer Theory at SUNY Brockport. I wish I could thank all those who helped me get back up again. Hopefully, someone will be there for them as they were there for me.

It's been an Independence kind of year

I have been thinking about how much my life has changed this past year. In some respects I look like the same person, but internally, spiritually, emotionally, mentally, I have changed. Physically, I have also changed in ways that are visible and invisible. As Alice Walker's writing once taught me, "we are never the same river twice." Even by the time I finish this reflection I will physically be a new being. Cells will have died and others will be in their place. I still have things I am working on in my life, but changing the things I have agreed to in my life have created a more peaceful, loving and energizing world.  Everything in my life is being or has been decluttered. I am making myself a priority because I am worth it. From coloring my hair burgundy with red and purple highlights this weekend to buying new and nice clothes to releasing relationships with were energy draining it has been about sharon loving sharon. So today as I get ready for our 4th of July BBQ, I am celebrating my independence from all that which weighed me down and was zapping my energy.  Free at last, free at last, thank you Creator, I am free at last.

It's Time for a Change!

So this past year has been an amazing journey for me!  Inspiritual will be one year old at the end of this month. Whoo hoo! I have grown by leaps and bounds in my own journey. I hope some of the people who have been journeying with me have grown as well. I have seen several of my clients transform before my eyes. While I am excited for them, I am excited about my own growth and evolution. I have gotten rid of the majority of my black clothes. I have gone from wearing the cheapest things I could buy, which fell apart fairly quickly to investing in a few things which look awesome, are bright and colorful and which say to the world -- "I love myself."   I have been losing weight, eating healthy, getting out in the sun more, doing all kinds of things that are good for me.  Yesterday, I got my hair styled.  After 10 years of shaving my head, I decided to let my hair grow out and so I told my stylist let's do this.  I am going back to see her today to get it colored -- goodbye grey -- nothing wrong with the grey -- but I am not a grey kind of gurl -- so brown and burgundy it is :) What does the song say -- I feel good, I knew that I would,  now So good, so good, I got me (ok, i know it says you, but this is my song today). It is going to be a great day!

Let the journey continue

So my time working through Denise Linn’s book is over.  I have not been led to another place, so for now, I am just going to write her as I feel led to.  It will continue to be my private space to write about what is going on within my soul.  For now, all I know is this; my goal is that I strive each day to be filled with the love and light of the Infinite Presence and to share that with all that I meet on a daily basis.  So for now, be blessed and know you are were created in the image of the Creator who is love, that you are love, and are loved.  Be blessed.

My Earth Goals

During Earth week, I will be working on the following goals:

  • Becoming more connected to my body.
  • Attending to my health.
  • Detoxifying my body.
  • Understanding how to use my body’s physiology.
  • Connecting more fully with nature.
  • Creating a home for my soul.
  • Taking action for a positive future.

My Fire Goals

While I am working through the exercises for this week on fire, my goals will be:

  • to meditate on my inner light
  • to have fun
  • to step into a deeper level of trust and faith
  • to listen to my intuition and any inner voices urging me in new directions
  • to change some of my routines and habits
  • to take risks
  • to spend more time being creative
  • to examine my fears
  • to spend time with my spiritual partners
  • to move out of the shadows and into the light

My Water Goals

As this week is about emotional cleansing, these are my water goals for this week:

  • Continue to explore my emotional life
  • Continue to cleanse and declutter my home and office
  • Evaluate my relationships
  • Speak my truth in love
  • Connect with my inner child and take time to play
  • Embrace my childlike wonder.
  • Examine childhood issues
  • Explore my dreams
  • Follow my intuition
  • Allows the water in the shower to cleanse my body and my spirit
  • Check my plumbing and fix any leaks
  • Experience the spirit of water
  • Drink at least 64 ounces of water each day to flush toxins out of my system

My Daily Affirmations

April 1, 2011 -- My evaluation of myself is not who I am.



Air Goals

As this week is focused on clearing out mental debris and clutter and focusing on the air that I breathe in, my goals for this week are as follows:

  • To assess and evaluate my life
  • To clear out the clutter in my home
  • To make commitments that empower me
  • To do things I have been putting off or make a plan to do them
  • To organize my home and office space
  • To examine my beliefs
  • To breathe before speaking
  • To listen to inspirational music and become aware of the sounds in my home
  • To use my voice
  • To speak my truth



My Joy Journal

One of the things I will be doing over the next 28 days is keeping a joy journal. At least once a day I will be writing about the joyful, magical or great moments in the day. I will be journaling about experiences, writings, images, etc.
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Week 9, Day 7 – Rewarding Yourself, The Grand Adventure

The goal for today was to plan this great adventure to some place we want to go and go there. my great adventure is to go ride the ferries in New York state. I love ferries. We were to write about what permits us or doesn’t permit us to have what we want right now. We were to write down what the world of our wealth is right now. She also suggested we right about how the state of your birth, the feelings of your future, and eh wanderings of today affect and show who you are. Write what you know about rebirth in living. Write what your soulful self wants you to know. So if I were really going to have this grand adventure, I would do one of two things.
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Week 9, Day 6 – Rebirth

I have been thinking quite a bit about this whole notion of life, birth, and rebirth. Life for me is the entirely of my journey from birth to death. Birth is the moment I came into this world, until then and since then I was and am a work in process. For me, the time in between birth and death I am in a constant state of rebirth, whether it be conscious or unconscious. Every moment of every day there are countless cells in my being being regenerated, so physically at the end of the day I am not the same person I was when I woke up that morning and I am not the same person I was when I went to bed the night before. The same is true in every other aspect of my self, every movement that I make in my life consciously or unconsciously which takes me to that higher place of spiritual evolution is about my being reborn
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Week 9, Day 5 – Death

If this were the last day of my death, and I knew it, I think I would make a point of being with those people who are nearest and dearest to me and sharing stories of love and gifts that I would want them to have. I would want the opportunity to say goodbye to them in my own way and on my own terms. I would not want it to be somber, but a time of celebration. I would eat and drink whatever I wanted and throw all caution to the wind. I am reminded of this scene from the movie Chocolat and how the old woman celebrated her last birthday. That is what I would do if it were my last day. the practical side of me would make sure I sent an email and an excel file to my department chair so she knew how students were doing, I would let Zoe know what I wanted for my homegoing, and I would write a final reflection for Inspiritual telling everyone thank you for being part of my ride. And of course, I would leave Zoe a things to do list, which she will definitely procrastinate in doing
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Week 9, Day 4 – Aging

As I reflect on this period of my childhood, I remember having this sense, as a child, that I was not fully appreciated for who I was and what I was growing to become. I rarely felt fully seen or fully appreciated by the members of my family. While there are many experiences of joy during this period, it was also a time where I went from feeling as if I were an integral part of my family to feeling as if I were not as much a part of my family as my brothers. There was this clear sense of otherness that developed as I was growing up, of not fitting in. Yet at the same time, there was this fear of being abandoned, rejected, and set aside. There was also this fear that if I was abandoned then something bad would happen like when I was sexually abused by my dentist. What I did not realize was how that experience also moved me to a place of fighting for my dignity and the dignity of others. For example, in nursery school there was this boy who tried to kiss me. I said no. So he peed on me.
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Week 9, Day 2 – Present Time

Hmm, I am sitting here wondering if I have done anything kind today. I am sure I have, but that I am not even aware of it is interesting. When I asked my wife if I did anything kind for her today, as she is the only I have seen, she looked at me like I am crazy. She said, hmm, well obviously you have kept me on track with my school work and kept me out of panic city and that in and of itself is worth a lot of money. When I stopped and thought more about it, I began to see all the little things I do each day not just for my wife, but for our kitties, friends, clients, students, etc. I guess it is just such an inherent part of who I am that I am not always mindful of it anymore. So am I not mindful of it because it is not the present, this morning is the past, or am I just not being present. Zoë can get pretty stressed and off track with her studies, and so she asked me to put a daily schedule together for her as I am the just do it gurl.
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Week 8, Day 7 – Rewarding Yourself, The Choice

So today was to be field trip day and we were to go out and look at fences. We were supposed to notice how they were made and the purposes they serve. are they about holding something in or keeping something out. how do fences give us peace of mind. Finally, have there been different kinds of fences in our lives at different times. I would so love to do this, but when the weather is in the single digits and the snow cannot seem to stop falling, my ideal field trip is not to go strolling looking for and at fences. Not even sure that with all the snow we have right now, I could even see someone’s fence. In fact, in my neighborhood, there is not a single house with a fence.
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