Every morning one of the first things I do is to take time to thank you for at least five things I have been blessed with in my life. Sometimes they are not things in my life, but the absence of things in my life. When I hear of people who are struggling with and dying from addictions to drugs, or in abusive relationships, or homeless, and the list goes on, I am reminded to give thanks for all that I have not or am not experiencing in my life at this time.
One of the things I am eternally grateful for is that you love me unconditionally. You know my heart, and all the thoughts that float through my mind and you still love me unconditionally. You have loved me even when I have not always loved myself.
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Recently, a fellow blogger, Ariffa, nominated me for The Versatile Blogger award. It was not like it was one of those big deal awards. It was one of those ways of getting to know other bloggers and to allow other bloggers to get to know you. It was a simple process. You had to list fifteen bloggers that you follow with links to their websites (that was the easier part for me). Then you had to list seven things about you that were interesting. This is where I found myself being stuck. I realized as I stared at this blank screen that I did not think I, or my life, was interesting. The two things I wrote down were not things that I found interesting or thought other people would find interesting, but maybe different or unique. That was that I had six parents (birth, foster, and adoptive) and that I used to say I was part Vulcan as my left ear has a slight point to it. Neither of which seems to fit the definition of interesting, or so I thought. According to the dictionary interesting means, “arousing curiosity or interest; holding or catching the attention.” The only thing I could think of is that sometimes I am able to arouse the curiosity and interest of my students through the material I share with them in the classroom.
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This morning I came
across this quote from don Miguel Ruiz Jr.’s book, The Five Levels of
Attachment. He wrote:
"The main job
of the ego is to protect the false image of a separate self. One way it
accomplishes this is by reinforcing the illusion of personal importance.
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I have been thinking a lot about respecting myself. One of the most powerful things I ever read in one of Don Miguel Ruiz’s books was that others can only abuse you to the level you are willing to abuse yourself. Abuse is a form of disrespect. I can take that term, substitute it into Don Miguel’s writing, and say others can only disrespect me to the level I am willing to disrespect myself. If I allow others to treat me in a way that violates my agreements, then I disrespect myself.
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For the past few days, well maybe longer, I have been thinking about the whole notion of respect. I found myself remembering the chorus from the old Aretha Franklin song RESPECT. However, when I read the lyrics to her song, I realized that while respect might have meant one thing to her, at least from the lyrics, it meant something completely different to me. As her song says, find out what it means to me.
For me, respect is an expression of love. It is about love for myself and love for others.
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I just want to give thanks for a new perspective on yesterday. As I was praying about my not having liftline services for a few weeks, I found myself having some new revelations. The first was that this was just going to be about 3 weeks of not being able to go places. However, it was just a few years ago, that I had to spend five months in bed and was in far more pain and on so many more pain medications then I am now. If I could make it through five months, I can surely make it through three weeks. It is all about perspective. Then I began to think about how I had begun to take this liftline service for granted. Is it perfect, NO! There are some real systemic issues with the service. However, I am grateful to even have the service. I guess it took the Creator saying, hmm, see this can be gone like that to make me realize how grateful I am to even have the service. So thank you! It made me realize how often I take things for granted and do not give thanks for them as much as I should. It is like breathing, how often we forget to give thanks for the simple things, like breathing, moving a limb, going to the bathroom independently, taking a shower by ourselves, being able to hold a bottle by ourselves, drink, or eat by ourselves. All of a sudden, I found myself giving thanks for something that yesterday had made me feel frustrated. As I came to think about where the fear was coming from, it was related to my job and not being able to get to school. And then I found myself going gurl, do you not have faith in the Creator. This too will pass and it will all be ok. You have already done every thing you had to do and now it is in the hands of the Creator. So chill and give thanks for even this time. What a difference prayer and meditation can make.
Probably the feeling I have to work on the most is
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