I’m Coming Out

I’m Coming Out

I’m coming out.
no, not as a same sex loving woman,
or as a biracial woman,
or as person with a disability
or as any other label others have told me
I should be out about.
I am coming out as who I am
and encourage you to come out too.
Come out
about your strengths and weaknesses.
Come out
about your fears and your courage.

When we come out
about all of who we are
we live in an honest and authentic balance.
I love tattling on myself,
outing myself about my being human.
When we come out
we give equal time and attention
to all of who we are
and in doing so
open the opportunities to connect,
to share,
to grow,
to evolve,
and to help others
come out
so they can do the same.
I’m coming out,
are you?

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Divine by Design

Divine by Design

I am divine by design
because I was designed by the Divine.
What if we each said that
and believe it
because it is true.
There is not,
never has been,
never will be
an individual exactly like you.
Do we recognize that we are works of art
breathed into creation
by the artist of all time.
We are each works
hanging in the museum of life
appreciating all the pieces in
the collection of the Divine.
This is what brings us all together -
we are Divine by design.

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Character Defects.

Character Defects.

It is so easy to point out what I do not like in others,
but one day I came to realize that
the defects I see in others,
are really about things I do not like in myself.
One characteristic I used to and still dislike are makeover queens and kings.
It generally comes when people tell me
that I would be physically beautiful if only
I would use their skin care program and wear makeup.
I stopped and said I would be more beautiful if
I wore make up and used skin care.
It was not the latter part that so much rang true,
but the I am beautiful part.
Now I focus on my own beauty.
I recognize that what makes me beautiful
is not product I use,
but the way in which I move through this world,
radiate love to others
and let my inner beauty shine.
What if instead of saying I don’t like how Barb puts me down,
I said, I don’t like how I put myself down?
Is there truth there?
Who are the people who you dislike or whose behaviors you do?
Rather then focus on why you dislike them,
see them as a blessing
and a mirror to help you in your own growth journey.
 Take those defects and make them blessings.
Transform them,
by being willing to look in the mirror
and let those defects reflect back.

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Adab

Adab

So you practice adab, he said.
I had never heard this word
but it sent me on yet another journey.
Adab
is about us being humane.
When I work on evolving and transforming
my heart, mind, and soul,
I am practicing adab.
Adab is about recognizing and transforming
my own faults,
not focusing on others.
Adab
is about releasing all that binds and preoccuplies me.
Adab
is about being of service to one’s Higher Power
Adab
is about humility and invisibility.
It is about doing until others,
not shining the lights on one’s self.
Adab
is about how we live
and how we interact with others.
Do I remember to be patient, loving and kind
with myself and with you.
Adab
is about remembering
to practice adab
even when
and especially when
I do not want to.
That is
adab.

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I Celebrate Myself

I Celebrate Myself

"I celebrate myself,"
Walt Whitman wrote.
What is it like?
What does it take
to be able to celebrate one’s self.
This morning I shared a nomination with friends
and there was joy in doing that with them.
What would our lives be like if celebrated ourselves,
every aspect of our selves -
our achievements,
our experiences,
our relationships,
our very existence.
What would it be like
if we looked at our selves
in the mirror and
told ourselves
this is good
or if we could hear our selves say
like the Ultimate,
this is my child
and I am well pleased.
We are experts at pointing out our flaws and weaknesses,
but what if we stopped saying
I criticize myself and
like Whitman began with
I celebrate myself.

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Lessons from the Zebra

Lessons from the Zebra

Do you see it?
Do you see the balance,
the harmony
and the unity,
Do you just see the stripes
or do you see them as being part of something bigger.
which seem to appear when you really look at
the zebra.
They remind us to look at the interconnectedness of life.
it is not about about light or darkness in our lives,
but light and darkness and
how the dance together in unity,
working together in ways only understood
by the one who created them both
and the one who created us.
In our own ways,
we are all zebras.
We are not yin or yang
we are the relationship between the two.
We are the adversary to ourselves
as well as the lover of ourselves.
We are the good and the evil
We are the stripes of the zebra,
who dance together in our own lives,
in a way that reflects our balance and harmony.
We are a reflection of everything
we were created to be
and to reflect.
We, like the zebras,
are more then just a stripe,
or a pattern of them,
we are the whole collection of them
that moves as one,
just like a zebra.

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Giving Thanks

Giving Thanks

When you can see the good in any situation,
my Bubby would say,
then you know everything will be okay.
She taught me
that seeking the blessings,
seeing what I had to be grateful for in my life
would change my perspective.
Sometimes it has taken longer for me
to give thanks, then others,
but if I work at it,
I can change my perspective
and gain a new vision.
It is never too late to give thanks.
So decades later
I can give thanks for the people who bullied me,
before bullying was even a thing,
because they taught me how to stand up for myself,
to use my voice to speak truth to power.
I can give thanks for my parents separation
and them getting back together
because it taught me what it takes to get through
and to love someone unconditionally.
I have learned how to give thanks for this moment,
because doing so keeps me centered
and focused on peace.
Giving thanks for this moment
takes away any anxiety or stress,
because I am in this moment,
not the past or the future.
Giving thanks for the future,
enables me to see
what I am supposed to see
and know what I am supposed to know,
no more and no less.
Giving thanks for what is to come
keeps me excited
and positive
because I know that no matter what it brings
the blessings will be in it
and I will find them
and give thanks for them
and grow because of them. 

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It’s in the Process.

It’s in the Process.

It’s in the process,
my parents would say.
Never give up.
Keep digging.
You can do this.
These were the words they gave me
Don’t stop believing.
Don’t stop achieving.
Don’t stop building.
Nothing just happens.
I have what I have and
you have what you have
because we have grit.
We work on building relationships
with the Ultimate and with others.
We keep digging away
until we see the light at the end of the tunnel.
It is our commitment
and our consistency
which brings us to the light,
knocks down walls,
opens doors,
and creates possibilities
it's all part of the process.

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My Legacy – Beginning

My Legacy – Beginning

I listen to my friends
as they talk about their families
and the legacy they are leaving behind.
It causes me to stop and think about
what my legacy is.
What is it I am leaving behind.
I will leave Nick behind and
he is a legacy of the transformative power of unconditional love.
Being his mother has not always been easy.
There are days that have been filled with joy,
and others filled with pain,
but the one thing I am leaving in him
is knowing how the love we share 
has transformed his life.
I hope, however, that there is more to my legacy
then what I have bequeathed him.
I think about this often.
What will people say about me
or remember about me when I am gone.
Perhaps it is time for me to dive within
and write the story of my life.
Maybe its time for me to write
about what is important to me and why.
What do my words,
my writings,
my poems
say about me and my legacy.
What is the wisdom I want to leave behind?
What is the advice I want to pass on?
What are the blessings that have changed my life?
Maybe these words are just the beginning
as I reflect on my spiritual legacy
and the gifts I bequeath to the world.

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The Impossible Dream

The Impossible Dream

Music has been inspiring me lately.
I would love to say today was a piece of dance music
or pop culture, but it was a song from my childhood,
which taught me about fighting for
The Impossible Dream.
It would be great if when we stood up and spoke out
that the world always listened.
It doesn’t, but we are still called to stand in solidarity
and fight for what is right.
Tonight, I was asked to stand with a friend,
and I did
and I am still standing with her
and fighting for her.
Whether the world hears me or not,
she has heard me
and felt my solidarity.
At the same time, there is a piece of fiction I am reading
about a young woman whose dying wish
is to go to Coney Island with a prisoner on death row
whose journey changed her life.
Her dying wish is denied, but then
her friends and family fight for them to meet
for one day before she dies.
Their meeting is an impossible dream
for both of them,
and their time together
leaves their hearts peaceful and calm.
The struggles we feel called to fight for
are not always easy
and may mean we have to struggle
and fight
and give everything we have
and know that even when others do not want to listen,
we must stand up and shout,
standing in solidarity
and not stopping until
 we have stood up,
spoken out,
and achieved the dream,
no matter how impossible
it may have seemed.

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In that moment

In that moment

In that moment it all changed.
It started with something simple.
All I did was open my office door.
I opened it, that was it
and then this pain shot down my right leg
and then nothing -
nothing but numbness.
In that moment, it all changed.
I had no feeling in my right side
from my waist down.
My right foot flopped like a rag doll.
I did not know where my leg was anymore.
I could not walk without fear of falling.
I could not drive.
I could not even put my foot in my shoes.
In that moment, it all changed.
It wasn’t just the physical, it was everything else.
My so called friends disappeared.
i acquired a disability
and went from being able bodied to disabled
and learned how to fight for my rights
and to be treated with the same dignity and respect as before.
In that moment, it all changed.
I lost things like feelings, friends, and freedom
but I gained things.
I gained a deeper relationship with the Ultimate.
I began walking in faith,
not just spiritually but physically.
I gained a new spiritual vision, and gifts
which is why you are even reading this.
I gained a wisdom and a voice
that I could only have gained because of what I had lost.
I gained witness to what unconditional love feels like.
I had it before with Zoe,
but with all the changes to my body, mind and soul
she has loved me.
She loves me no more or less
because of what happened
but because she loves me.
In that moment, it all changed,
just because I opened a door.
It was just a door, but what it opened
were doors to so many opportunities
so many gifts,
so many journeys,
and it is still opening doors in my life.
In that moment, in that very moment,
it all changed, and I am grateful for that moment
and everything which has happened since.

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Connecting the dots

Connecting the Dots

How do you do that she asked?
What?
See how x is related to y? 
How do you do that?
As I sat and thought about it,
I realized I first learned to do it
with those connect the dot games
I used to do.
I loved watching the magic happen
as you figured out where to draw the line
in a way that allowed you to see something
more then just the dots.
There was so much more then just the dots.
There was a lesson focused on teaching me
how to connect the dots in my life.
When I draw upon that same imagination,
I begin to discover relationships
and meanings
and understandings that light up my world.
When I connect the dots today,
the world sheds light where I could not see.
and encourages me
to keep connecting the dots.

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Day 99 and Counting

Day 99 and Counting

Joyce
John
Matt
Gina
Felix
Kyleigh
It’s just day 99 of 2024
and already i am pouring libations
and remembering those whose work here is done.
Some of these people I was closer to then others,
but I knew them all,
had memories with them all,
needed time to grieve them all.

Some I am still grieving.
some died earlier in the year then others
and some just died.
Some I am still struggling to even say
they are dead,
but they are.
Grieving, like living,
is a process
and I will do both
until my time and my work
is done.
For now, I count each day I am alive
and celebrate the lives and the legacy
of those who are not.

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Diaballein

Diaballein

Crazy how one word
can make you think.
I am not even sure how I found this word
or how it found me,
but today’s word is
diaballein.
It is a word I do not like.
without even looking up the meaning,
it sounded diabolical.
In some respects it is,
it's about slander and accusing
and tearing things apart.
Diaballein
builds walls not bridges,
divides rather then unifies,
and creates tensions rather than community.

Diaballein challenges us to pick sides.
It seeks to separate

Mind and body,

Head and heart,

Secular and sacred,
and pit one against the other.
May we push back
and serve as symbols,
celebrating the wholeness of who we are,
the threads of commonality which bond us,
and live and love in ways that
build bridges not walls,
and bind us in ways that
promote, love, dignity and respect
for ourselves and each other.

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Happy

Happy

I remember the first time I heard the Happy song.
I just wanted to clap along
and could spend all day listening to it
and singing it.
What I was really happy about
was all that I had to be grateful for.
What makes me happy is my life.
I have times that are easier then others,
but in every moment of every day
is something for me to give thanks for
and it is in the midst of the thanksgiving
that I am happy.
I have been taught to give thanks
in all circumstances
and when I do I am
happy.
So like Pharrell Williams
it might seem crazy what I am about to say
but when you are done,
try giving thanks
in the midst of all
and know that in the midst of your truth
is happiness.
Create your own way to give thanks
in the midst of doing so
you may find yourself
happy.

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It Is Good

It is Good

I am always amazed at the wisdom of my elders,
especially as I age myself.
My Bubby used to advise me to
look for the good in every situation;
especially in the challenging of times.
There have been things I have been through
which may be seen as horrible,
but in the midst of it all,
I have seen the blessings and
the presence of the Ultimate.
In the midst of it I can reflect and say
it is good.
It is where my faith leads me
so that in the midst of illnesses
I can say it is good.
in the midst of grieving,
it is good.
in the midst of the pain,
it is is good.
It may not feel good,
It may not be what I wanted,
but the one who created me,
sustains me
and nurtures me
knows what my Bubby taught me to know
that in all of it is a blessing
and a space where I can say
it is good.   

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Thank You

Thank You

What are you thanking me for?
it’s what they wanted to know.
Thank you are the two words I work at saying
to as many people as I can each day.
Thanking others,
helps keep me humble
and reminds me how blessed I am.
Saying thank you
is a way of blessing them.
It is a way of living by grace
and finding reasons to be grateful
and give thanks
even when we are not sure if or why.
As I move through my life
I try to find someone to thank.
Not just the one’s easy to thanks,
but the one’s that challenge me to dig
deeper into my life
and find a reason to say
thank you.

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Angels

Angels
I remember sitting with my mother
watching the blades of grass move.
The angels are protecting them,
just like they protect us, she said.
We always have this Divine force
which watches over us and
supports us
no matter how the winds of life blow us.
It is these words of comfort and wisdom
which remind me that during times like this
when I am feeling those winds
that there are angels surrounding me
and bringing me through.
I may not see them
or feel them
or even sense them,
but that does not mean they are not there.
Like the blades of grass,
I go with the flow and know
the Ultimate has sent angels to guide me through.

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Seeing it

Seeing It

How do you do it?, he asked.
Do what?, I asked.
See the presence of Spirit in everything.
What I wanted to ask was
what keeps you from seeing it.
Seeing the gifts, blessings and opportunities
is something my Bubby taught me to do decades ago.
Seeing it,
was like breathing.
Spirit is everywhere and in everything.
If you look for its presence
you will see it.
Sometimes you will find it that which brings you joy,
other times in the challenging times.
You will see the Divine in those you like and love
and those you do not.
You will feel it in the news which brings you joy
and that which makes you ask why and wonder.
Bubby taught me to see the Ultimate
with each of my senses
and to keep looking
deeper and deeper
until I saw the gift.
She taught me to see the blessings
in even the smallest of cookie crumbs,
especially when we would combine them
to make the base of a cheesecake.
Together those crumbs achieved more
then anyone of them could alone.
It enabled me to see it.
Right now I am seeing it
and looking for it
and in some situations seeking it
until I am seeing it
and hoping you are able to see it too.

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Born Before Roe vs Wade

Born Before Roe vs Wade

It started off with a student asking me about  books to read  on women’s history
and then I found the one that forced me to stop
about women who gave children up before Roe vs Wade.
That was me.
I am one of those children whose mother did not have a choice.
She might have given me up anyway
but I will never know.
The reality is she had no choice,
at least not a safe one.
Perhaps that is why choice is so important to me.
I want to have choice in my life,
about how to live,
who to love,
what to do with my body
and I want others to have choices as well.
I have long thought of my birth mother
as a woman of strength and courage.
I can only imagine what she sacrificed for me.
I always say I was conceived, born, and raised in courage.
The courage of a Jewish woman who at least for one night
dared to lust, if not more,
for a black man.
of my foster parents who cared for me
as a biracial bay in the 1950’s
of my parents, who adopted me, and
always taught me to walk in my truth
and supported my choices,
even when they did not agree with them.
The stories of these women have been documented,
but now I wonder what the powerful stories are
of children like me
who were born before Roe v Wade.

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