Keep on Learning

Keep on Learning

“In the beginner’s mind
there are many possibilities,
in the expert’s mind
there are few.” Shunryu Suzuki
I love this quote,
because it reminds me to
always be learning something new.
The more often I make myself
a beginner,
the more possibilities unfold
before me.
I keep learning
because it means i continue to see
that which I could not see before.
Every time I give myself the chance to learn,
I also give myself the chance to share
and make a difference in my life
and yours.

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I Got This

I Got This

It was just supposed to be routine bloodwork,
then it wasn’t.
Your severely anemic again.
All of a sudden all I was hearing
were all the things that could be wrong with me
and causing me to once again be severely anemic.
What I needed to hear
was no matter what I would be fine.
I needed the reminder that the Source
who brought me to this,
would bring me through this.
I needed the reminder that
I am an overcomer.
I knew I would need more transfusions
but what I didn’t need was to be told
I was not going to be okay.
Words are powerful
and they can help us manifest healing.
I had already seen that my body was self healing
with no pills and no transfusions.
I knew it might be a long journey,
but my body could and would heal.
I am an overcomer,
so please don’t tell me I’m not,
remind me that I am.
Prop me up with positives,
not negatives
and remind me
the healing is happening.
Feed me with optimism
because the reality is
one way or the other,
no matter what I am going through,
I will be fine. 

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Moist Heart

Moist Heart

You have a moist heart,
this woman at the First Nations center said.
It has been years
since she told me my tears
watered my heart and soul.
She said your moist heart
keeps you humble and fertile
so you may keep birthing.
I have not always understood what she meant
but on those days when the pain I witness
or even hear about makes me cry
I remember all this is to keep me with
a moist heart.
What moistens your heart?
Do you even allow yourself to have
a moist heart?
Do you allow yourself to feel the pain and suffering
in this world and
and have a good cry?
What if we moistened our hearts
and used this moistness
to fertilize the world?

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Learn to Love

Learn to Love

I remember the year
we had voles in our yard.
The rodent specialist gave us a few options:
He could use traps that would kill them,
or traps so he could move them
or we could come to love them.
So we learned to love them
and then they disappeared
as mysteriously as they had appeared.
we all have things we have to
learn to love.
When you can’t fix it,
or change it
or get rid of it
just learn to love it.
When you do
things change.
It is not the situation,
it is you.
when we learn to love
we open our hearts and minds
to experience everything a new.
Just for today,
learn to love

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My Cloud of Witnesses

My Cloud of Witnesses

There are moments I feel as if
I am on this journey by myself.
Then I remember that I am surrounded
by a cloud of witnesses.
There are those who are walking with me,
my dearest of friends and my soulmate.
There are who walk behind me.
I may not be mindful of their presence at all times,
but they truly have my back
and advocate for me,
even when I am not aware.
There are those ahead of me,
who may not seem as if they are with me,
but they are clearing the path for me.
Finally, there are those who created the path
on which I am now walking.
They are the ones who fought for my rights
before I ever existed.
Together,
they are my cloud of witnesses,
who love and support me
in ways I may never understand,
or be mindful of,
but are ever present for me. 

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Healthy

Healthy

Over the last year,
I have said goodbye to so many people I love.
Doing so has reminded me how important it is
to feed our zest for life.
I watched a friend choose to die
because she got tired of fighting.
We can never take our life,
the quality of it,
or our control over it for granted.
Our health
is a gift.
It is one we must examine,
develop,
and sustain.
I have watched others die
from the same struggles I have overcome.
I am grateful
for the gift I experience each day.
I may not have the health I would like,
but it does not mean I cannot give thanks
for what I can still do
and for what I have not had to go through.
Each day I give thanks for my health
and remember to give thanks
for what I have,
what I can change
and what I can do to celebrate.
How do you celebrate
your health,
that which you have overcome,
that which you have
and that which is coming.

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You Know Who You Are

You Know Who You Are

I am blessed to have people who love me unconditionally
and call themselves my friend.
But there are a very few,
not more then two in my life
who are more than friends.
They are the ones I feel safe enough to get spiritually naked with.
I can share not only my greatest joys,
but my deepest fears.
I can share things with them
I cannot share with anyone else.
I am sure you probably have someone like this too.
They are the one you can confess
the worst of you --
your sings and faults,
but also your aspirations -
your hopes and dreams.
They know not only what you share with others,
but what you do not.
They are more then your friend,
they are your soul friend.
Not only do you share with them
with such vulnerability and transparency,
but they do the same with you.
My soul friends know things about me
and how I feel and think
no one else does
and most likely ever will.
I don’t know who they are for you.
but they know as they read this,
that this is about them
and I need not say a word. 

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Gifting

Gifting

What did you get for Christmas?
That is what I was asked.
We no longer exchange gifts on holidays
because we gift throughout the year.
Every day,
is a holiday and
a day to treat others and ourselves.
We all deserve little rewards
we do not need to wait for a specific day,
we can reward ourselves any day.
I love giving to others,
but I have to remember that I too am worthy.
Just like my gifts to others can brighten their day,
treating myself can brighten mine.
It’s the little things like
a plate of lox and cream cheese,
having a good cry,
laughing my ass off,
or a day to sleep in.
Rewarding myself for
what I have accomplished
and what I have done
is important and healthy.
If you get a gift from me
know it is because I was thinking of you
and wanted to brighten your day.
It is how I keep the season of giving
going all year round
for you and for me. 

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Remembering My Jyo

Remembering My Joy

Joy
have you ever thought about
what brings you joy.
I have come to realize that each day
is filled with moments of joy.
It is not ongoing,
but it is there.
It pops in and out of my life
at random moments
reminding me to celebrate it
and give thanks for that which
balances out the pain.
It is what I keep my joy journal
to remind me of those moments.
Like when I wake up and realize
I am still alive.
Or the joy in knowing that after 22 years
Zoe still loves me unconditionally.
Or the joy that comes from holding a warm cup of tea
on a cold wintry day.
Joy is the feeling that keeps me balanced
on the seesaw of life,
it is what reminds to smile and lifts me up
during those moments that losing a dear friend is bringing me down.
Joy is what makes me smile,
and makes me laugh like St Nick.
Joy is what I find in my heart
Sometimes joy finds its way to me
like when I am drinking my chai
and sometimes I have to seek it
by remembering all I have to be
grateful for in life.
Regardless of how I feel it,
I take time to remember my joy.

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In My Museum

In My Museum

I love the memories that live
in my heart, mind, and soul.
I began thinking about them as museums,
while watching a video on a museum of banned books.
I have memories that should be banned,
but not for some of the reasons books are.
They remain,
because they have helped me become who I am.
However, my museums are also filled
with memories of love.
Sometimes I just want to stop what I am doing
and go to these museums.
Like the museums of art, science and history
I enjoy visiting,
my museums are filled with collections
of memories which have left a precious memory behind.
I love going,
browsing,
taking in,
and reflecting
on each piece in the collection.
Sometimes when I look at a memory,
I see something new in it.
In each piece,
I find something to be grateful for,
something that warms me
and sometimes memories that bring me to tears.
I know I cannot live in my museums,
but they are an amazing place to visit
and remember
and give thanks for each collection,
individually and in its entirety.

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Just Be

Just Be

 So often we strive to be productive,
effective,
working towards something,
or becoming something.
Perhaps there are times we are meant to
just be.
Times when we don’t have to be worrying
about what we are doing
or saying
or if we are meeting some grand
or even less then grand expectation.
What if we let all that go and
just be.
I often think about these awesome trees
in my backyard.

They are not doing anything
but they are doing everything.
In the midst of their just being,
they provide shelter from the sun on hot days,
a quiet place to sit and meditate,
and a space for the creatures which live in our yard
to just be.
It is not worried about
whether it is tall enough,
or beautiful enough
or anything.
It is content to
just be
and in this state,
it is a blessing
if all it ever reminds us to do is
just be.

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Learning to Listen

Learning to Listen

So often, we talk about the
mind, body, soul connection
and we talk about listening to
the thoughts which float through our mind
and the voice that whispers to our soul,
but do we listen to our bodies
and the lessons it is trying to teach us.
Do we listen to how our body changes
from comfortable to warm or cold?
Do we feel the muscles tense and relax?
Do we recognize how what we are
thinking and feeling expresses itself
like waves in an ocean.
Our bodies teach us
how to self express.
dance,
move,
mourn,
make love,
and ride the waves.
Our bodies teach us to heal
and fight for us
to stay strong
as we go through
the changes of life.
As we listen to our mind and our soul,
may we listen to our body
and the lessons it is teaching.

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The Day You Went Home

The Day You Went Home

My Bubby used to always tell me
Look for the blessing, in the midst of the storm
and then you know you will be okay.
You fell today, but it was different.
Normally you would fall
and get back up,
but today you fell and just laid there.
That is when I knew
you were ready to cross the rainbow bridge.
I picked you up and
held you in my arms.
I knew you were tired.
I knew you were ready to go home.
I knew it was time before I even called the vet.
As I sat there and held you,
I was grateful I was here.
The thought of you laying there alone
was more then I could handle.
I may not have been there
when you took your last breath
but I was there
when you took your last fall
Together we were both there for you
on the day you said goodbye.
We are both filled with the blessings
you bought into our life.
We do not have to look for them,
they are written on our hearts.
We are better people because
you came into our lives.
Our hearts are breaking
because we had the blessing of loving you.

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Failing

Failing

What did you fail at today?
It was a question my father often asked me.
My failing for him,
was not a negative.
Rather, it was a positive.
It was a sign I was trying.
I was alive.
I was learning.
I was engaging in the journey.
We think of failure as a negative,
but to the Japanese it is a sign of nobility.
It is about being alive and living.
For others, failure is about living your truth.
It is about not always doing it
a specific way.
It is about setting aside
what is defined as success
and defining success for yourself
even when others think you have failed.
You can never fail at being you,
You can fail at living up to others expectations,
but you cannot fail at being you

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Beauty

Beauty

One day you will be beautiful,
that is what she said to me.
She had a litany of reasons
she saw me as ugly.
Her reasons really do not matter,
what matters is I know I am beautiful
just as I am.
I was created by
and in the image of
the Ultimate.
What makes anyone beautiful
is not necessarily what is on the outside,
but the beauty that radiates from within.
Have I met people that the world would view
as ugly?  Sure.
However, I know there is more to them
then what is on the outside.
I look for the beauty within everyone I meet.
Are they loving?
Do they treat people with dignity and respect?
If nothing else,
they are blessed,
because they too were created in the image of the Ultimate.
We were all created to represent
the diversity of life.
Beauty is
in the eyes of the beholder.
I will look for your beauty,
regardless of whether you look for mine.

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Choosing Silence

Choosing Silence

There are times
I choose to be silent.
I know people who talk all the time,
but my life and teachers
have taught me otherwise.
My Bubby would say
after you say hello,
choose your next words carefully.
Socrates advised thinking before speaking,
and only if it is truthful, necessary and kind.
It is not that there are times I do not want to speak,
but at times
what I want to say
does not answer those questions.
Words are so powerful;.
They are like marbles once they roll out,
they can go places
and affect the environment
with minimal control over their potential.
There are times to speak
and times to choose silence.

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Good Will Hunting Lessons

Good Will Hunting Lessons

We all have favorite films,
one of mine is Good Will Hunting,
because it taught me a few lessons.
It taught me,
"Bad things draw our attention to the good things we've overlooked."
This past year has been filled with losses
which broke my heart.
The pain helped me to reappreciate
the preciousness of life.
A dear friend lost both their legs to diabetes,
reminding me I needed to get serious
about controlling my blood sugar.
I had someone try abusing me again,
and it reminded me I was now strong enough
to stand up for myself and say no.
It reminded me of a lesson from my Bubby,
who would always say
when you can see the good in a situation,
then you know you will be okay.
There was also the therapists story about his wife’s farts
and how as much as he hated her farts,
she would love for her to be alive so he could hear them
one more time.
It reminded me that there are things
about those I love
that get on my nerves,
but I would miss them
if they were no longer here.
The last time Zoe left for a few days,
there were things I missed her saying and doing.
My ex died this year
but I would give anything
to hear her forget I did not know
the people she knew
or have her ask me for a date from 40 years ago.
It also taught me to not judge people.
People are so much more then
we see on the cover.
We need to open ourselves
and see all of who they are.
May the challenges in our life
continue to remind us how blessed
we truly are.

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Find the Blessing

Find the Blessing

It is like it was yesterday,
when my Bubby said,
when you can find the blessing in a situation,
you know you will be ok.
I needed those words the day I was told,
we believe you have cancer.
It was like getting caught in rainstorm,
without an umbrella.
I could hear my Bubby say,
let the rain be your umbrella.
There is a blessing in this,
find it.
I began to prepare myself for the worst,
trying to figure out how I was going to work
while going through an invasive treatment.
I prayed for the best,
we were wrong you do not have cancer.
I found blessings in my rain of tears,
my pain of no umbrella,
my faith in the possibilities.
Then the rain stopped
and even though I was soaked
the voice came and said
Happy Valentine’s Day!
You do not have cancer.
My oncologist and I,
we found the blessings.

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Bless Them

Bless Them

Every morning I write in my gratitude journal
and I give thanks for at least 5 things in my life
I am grateful for/
However, this morning, it dawned on me,
that I never ask for those people, places and things
to be blessed.
There are so many ways and situations,
that my life has taught me wisdom.
My wisdom has come through the good times and the bad,
my wins and my losses,
my illnesses,
that which has bought me joy
and that which has reduced me to tears.
Everything and everyone
I have met on my journey
has helped me to understand myself
and life.
I have been blessed with the opportunity
to sit at the table of the included and the excluded,
the friend and the adversary,
and with my parents and those who call me mom.
So now I begin a new habit of not only giving thanks each day,
but asking the Ultimate
to bless them
for their part in my journey.

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surprise!!!!

Surprise!!!!

Do you have eyes to see
or ears to hear?
Are you ready for how the Ultimate is
getting ready to surprise you?
It is so easy to be focused on the chaos,
the pain,
the challenges, and
the things we have to overcome,
that we miss the surprises in our life.
We miss the amazing way Spirit is embracing us.
We miss the signs the Ultimate cares about us.
We miss all those who are sharing
their loving hearts, kind souls and
their willingness to be of service and
be kind.
The surprises are not always huge,
but subtle.
They don’t always say surprise,
they just stop by to say hi and ask how you are?
The surprises come in those notes
reminding us we are loved.
The surprises sometimes come
when people randomly perform acts of kindness.
There are always the big surprises
but let’s look for  the little ones as well.
With each one,
let us hear
the universe saying
Surprise!

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