Journaling

I struggle to journal
or so I said,
but I have my journals
where I have chronicled
what I am grateful for,
what inspires me,
what I intend to manifest,
and what brings me joy.
It never ceases to amaze me
the memories and
the lessons
which come back to me
when I go back and read them.
I see patterns,
understandings,
beliefs,
attitudes,
and actions,
when I look back
and see things I
could not see in the moment.
I see growth,
I see emotion,
I see healing,
I see transformation.
I laugh,
cry,
and sit in the moments
my entries bring back
and then I give thanks
get inspired
and remember
what I wanted to manifest
and what I need to do
to bring more joy into my life

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Asking

Asking

Asking questions
is so important.
It is what helps me grow
in my understanding of life
and of humanity.
At the same time, sometimes
asking questions can be scary.
It takes courage
to ask questions.
It takes courage
to want to dive deeper
to seek understanding
where there is confusion.
Sometimes I want to ask,
but also want to feel safe
with the person
or in the situation.
Sometimes I find it easier
to ask questions
of the Ultimate
then I do of others.
Perhaps it is because
of the trust
or lack there of.
In any case,
not asking
keeps me paralyzed
and asking
while scary
brings me to a deeper
relationship with others
and with the Ultimate

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Learning

my brother tells me
I am a perpetual student.
I love learning.
Every moment,
every experience,
everything I do,
and every one I meet
s an opportunity to learn something new.
Learning for me,
is like being given a ring of keys
to the Universe.
I learn more about the Universe,
the people in it,
the way things work,
the way they do not,
the gifts we all bring to the table,
the way the Ultimate works
in the lives of others.
The more I learn,
the more I am able to teach others,
because my understanding
is deeper and broader.
The more I teach,
the more I learn.
My students teach me
what they are learning,
and it becomes like a meal
a potluck of wisdom and knowledge
we share with each other.
Learning opens my eyes,
my heart,
my soul,
my senses, and
my mind.
Perhaps it is this
ever sense of
evolving and transforming
which makes me love
learning.

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Grappling

When I grapple with the complex issues I teach,
I find myself breaking it down to
three questions.
Should I care,
should I do anything,
and what should I do.
I do care.
I care about the injustices
in the world
and to varying degrees
I feel as if I should do something.
I want to do something for others
and their inequalities
and injustices.
Sometimes I just don’t know what
to say,
to do,
or how to begin.
Sometimes I care
and I want to do something
I just don’t know what.
Sometimes I need to sit and listen
to the ideas and needs of
the ones I want to fight for.
I need to listen to those who
understand the cultural,
political,
economic,
spiritual,
sociological
and other complexities
which
shape what I call an injustice.
More importantly I need to listen
to see if others even consider
what concerns me
to be an issue.
What appears to be an injustice to me
may not be to others.
That can be so frustrating,
but then I remember people
do not see my inequalities
as inequalities.
They do not see my injustices
as injustices.
I grapple with that as well

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Every Move I Make

Every thing I do
every thing I think
is a spiritual task.

I sat there this morning
as I was feeling the warmth
of the cast iron bowl in my hand
that this was the warmth and comfort
I feel when I know
I am with the Ultimate.
When I see the sacred in everything,
whether it is taking out the trash
or cleaning
or cooking
or eating
or sitting in a meeting,
then it takes on a new meaning.
It is not just a chore to be done,
it is time with the Ultimate.
It is a reminder that the next moment
is not promised.
I have to live each moment
as if it were my last
and perform each task
as if it were a spiritual one
a way of connecting
with the One.

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Teaching and Learning

teaching and learning
are not about what happens
in the classroom.
Teaching and learning
happens in every moment of life.
Everyone I have ever met
no matter for how long
has been a teacher.
Whether I allowed them to teach me or no
was about me.
They were sent to teach me.
Being a teacher has nothing to do with
age,
relationship
or lack there of.
I have learned from
the homeless,
the prostitute.
the professor,
the child,
the repairman
the trash man,
the stranger on the street.
The world is my university,
whether I attend and am open to learn or not
is about me.
I am also my own teacher.
The thoughts and feelings
which run through my head,
and bubble up from inside me
are lessons I choose to learn or not;
be taught or not.
Even this poem
as simple as it is,
is teaching me about teaching and learning

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Making the Time

How many times have I said
I am too busy
I am too tired
I have too much to do
I am in too much pain
I am whatever the excuse is.
The reality is that
I have to make the time
for what is important
I should never be too tired to pray
or too busy to read
or crochet
or the things which
bring me joy.
I should never be working
so much that I cannot
have time with my wife
There are always things to do
but time with family and God
and time for myself is important.
I deserve the time to write my poetry,
to read or listen to an audio book
to spend time with Zoe
to listen to the inspiration
and guidance and answers
that come from the Ultimate.
I will still get it all done,
but I am also going to
make the time
for that which I say are
priorities in my life.

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Knots and Bridges

I was a little girl
when my Bubby taught
me that being me
meant I had to learn how to
tie knots and build bridges.
It meant I was always supposed to be
hospitable,
whether I wanted to or not.
it wasn’t about being nice or kind,
it was about being the one
who tied knots and built bridges.

it was about me moving
outside my comfort zones
and helping others move beyond theirs.
It was about helping start conversations
between lose threads
and building bridges
where opposing sides
could safely meet.

Your job is
to tie knots and build bridges.

It is about you finding that
wholeness and peace
within yourself
and allowing others to
see and understand
 you have and are
tying knots and building bridges
in your own life.

This is why I named you
Sarah Bella, she said
beautiful princess.
Your mission is to
unify the world
in your own way
as only you can
by tying knots and building bridges.

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Three Things

There are 2 things you must do
Pat Parker said
in a poem,
which lives with me today
White people, if you want to be my friend,
there are two things you must do.
First, you must forget that I am black.
Second, you must never forget that I am black.
It is that dance between
remembering and forgetting
which opens us up to
knowing people for who they are
in a way we are not
always mindful of.
So who ever you are
if you really want to be my friend
you have to forget all the things
you think you know about me
you have to stop dressing me
in the stories, stereotypes, and discourse
about the identities you dress me in.
At the same time
don’t forget any of those identities
because they have shaped my life
and continue to do so
whether I want them to or not.
While all of that is who I appear to be
I am more than any of that
and the me that is rarely seen
is the one who I am
when I am alone with
my private dancer.
That dance is where
I grow and evolve,
allowing myself to
become one with the one
who knows my soul
and teaches me how
to radiate love
to all as I teach them
to dance with me.
So if you want to be my friend
really be my friend,
there are three things you must do.
First, forget all the identities you dress me in.
Second, never forget those identities you dress me in.
Finally, remember that like a dance,
I am never the same person twice.

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My Tears

My tears
they roll down my face
and sometimes
when I am having a good cry
they moisten the ground
because the pain flowing
out of my heart is so power
and so intense.
Like the Native Americans
of days gone by
I leave a trail of tear.
These tears are a trail
that pre pare me for the future.
My tears are like rain,
they keep the soil most
so growth can happen.
My tears  
keep my heart moist
so it never becomes
hard and uncaring.
My tears
keep me humble
and help me give
thanks for all I have
not had to endure in my life.
My tears
keep me connected
to humanity and
allow me to empathize
with their pain.
My tears
enable me to give thanks
to the universe
for the pain and suffering
without which
I would not be me.

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Darkness and Light

Darkness and light,
they are not as separate
as we would want them to be.
It seems like each step
I take towards the light,
I see a bit more of the darkness.
With each step I move forward
I am confronted by that which
I need to let go of.
it is like a dance with the partner
I want to be with
and the shadows that live within me.
I tell myself I can do this
and the shadows surface and
remind me all I need to let go of
the self doubt,
the fear of being abandoned,
the voices saying I am not enough
and then the light speaks to me
and reminds I can do this
and I will never be alone
and I have everything I need
to achieve my dreams
I just need to believe.
So I focus on
believing and achieving
and know that I am not alone
in having to find the courage
to battle my darkness.
In the process,
I give thanks for the darkness
because it brings me
closer to the light.

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i am Worthy

If you want it,
just get it for yourself.
My wife says this to me
all the time,
because I rarely
buy anything that
is just for me.
I am worthy of
treating myself to
something every once in a while
like an everything bagel
with lox and Temptee cream cheese.
or getting my hair done
or sleeping in
or buyins some seafood
or new socks.
I am worthy of
rewarding myself for
the hard work that I do.
Those treats do not need
to cost much,
they just need to be
something I desire,
something I would not
normally do for myself.
These gifts are vital to my well being.
They are me paying me
for what I have accomplished.
They are those special moments
where I say I love you to myself
and remind myself
I am worthy.

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Celebrate the Moment

Happiness,
like other feelings,
is a moment.
It is not a wave,
it is not a length of time,
it is not unending.
It is like a wave.
It comes,
we experience it,
and it is gone.
Then it comes again.
In that moment
we celebrate the way we feel.
We celebrate the
happiness,
the experience,
the situation, and
all that is.
It is that moment,
when the joy spreads through us
and fills us with that feeling
which only happiness can bring.
It is then that we sit and
celebrate the moment.

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Sometimes

Sometimes I love being who I am

other times I wish I didn’t need to explain that

I am not black,

I am not white,

I am me.

I am the blend of those who came together in love

and created me.

Sometimes I am grateful

to have had my light skin,

and sometimes I hate it

because it leaves me feeling

and being told I do not belong

When I stand up for my blackness

I am no longer white enough.

When I come out as mixed,

I am not black enough

Sometimes I wish my skin

was just a shade darker.

so people could see my blackness.

But then I remember

I am perfect just as I am

and what matters most is

my pride in being biracial,

my remembering that I represent

what wholeness can look like

Sometimes I get tired of feeling

like the bridge that helps people understand

Then I realize this is my purpose

to be the bridge.

To be able to talk about

white privilege

racism,

colorism,

and all the other ways

we have come to distrust each other

and ourselves.

Sometimes I wish

I didn’t need to be a bridge,

but then I give thanks that I am

because bridges make it easier

for us to connect,

to cross divides

to move over walls

to find solutions

which could not be found

without the willingness

to use a bridge.

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On the Edge

There are days we all feel
as if we are on the edge.
There are those moments when we feel
as if we have done all we can.
Those moments when we feel as if
we cannot handle anything more.
While a song tells me
I should just stand,
the voice within me
says I have you.
Trust me.
Take one step towards me.
Hold on to me.
I won’t let you fall
And I do
and the edge moves
and my faith becomes stronger
and I make it through
the very situation
which felt overwhelming,
crippling,
and left me feeling
on the edge.

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Giving Birth

Each day of my life
I have the opportunity
to give birth
to new possibilities,
new ideas, and
new understandings.
However, first I must let go.
I have to declutter myself and
my inner space.
I have to get go of ideas,
beliefs,
explanations,
relationships,
and all that are cluttering
my mind and soul.
As I do,
I open myself up
to the possibility
of giving birth
to that which
will help me
grow and evolve
as I give birth
to new paths
in my journey.

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Giving Thanks

As a child I would get a toy
and it would be the focus
of all my attention
until it was no longer new and
then I began paying it little attention

Life is like that as well.
We have so many things
we forget to give thanks for
because they are no longer new
sparkling, and the focus
of our attention

Then something happens and
we begin to give thanks for that
which we once took for granted
like sitting next to someone
and holding their hand.
or breathing,
traveling,
walking,
visiting and
living our lives

May we give thanks for
the times which remind us
that these are gifts
not to be taken for granted,
because someone,
somewhere
cannot just do them
for a moment,
they cannot do them at all
I give thanks
for what I am mindful of
and that which I am not.
May the universe continue
to remind me of that which
I have, like an old toy,
forgotten and taken for granted.

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Solid and Calm

I remember reading
how the disciples woke Jesus
up in the middle of the storm
and all he said was
“Peace, be still.”

He did not panic
or stress
or worry,
He just laid there
solid and calm
and said
peace be will

What if we did that
when others are
stressed and worried?
What if we are the ones
who are solid and calm?
What if we are the ones
who remembers
this too shall pass
amd models that for others?

We have the power
to be the solid and the calm
in the midst of the storm
and help others
make it through

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My Brace

They gasped,
as I took my brace and shoes off
and placed it on the altar.
They wanted me to move them
but all I could ask was
how many braces do you see.
They answered one
and then again requested
I take them off the alter.

For them the table we used
as an altar was holy,
but the brace,
which keeps me from falling,
is not.

When we stop and look at our lives,
we all have ways the Divine
keeps us from falling,
stabilizes us,
holds us,
whether we see it or not.
When they looked at my shoes
all they could see was the visible
they could not see
the presence of the Divine
in the one that
appeared empty.

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Simmering

The advice has always been the same, let the sauce simmer,
and for hours it would,
because it takes time
to develop layers of flavor
It takes longer periods of time
to cook some cuts of meat.
They just need to cook
low and slow,
until the meat falls off the bone.

There is something about food
that has been simmered.
It is full of flavor
and every bite seems to have
one layer after another.
The problem is
we rarely simmer anymore.
We microwave,
pressure cook,
and do whatever we can
to speed up the process.

The same is true
in our spiritual journey.
There are some situations
we can microwave our way through,
but there is a wisdom and understanding
which comes from time,
meditation, and
reflection.
It comes when we allows
the ideas
to simmer within us
allowing us to gain
a deeper understanding
from the time we
simmering.

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