The other day I challenged my readers to think about what they know, not what they believe, but what do they have that deep knowing about, that unshakable faith about. After having put that out there for people to think about, I realized I needed to do the same. I needed to articulate what I know, not what I believe. Today, this is my intent, to begin to articulate what I know and pray that the words exist to help me explain the unexplainable.
One thing I know for sure is that there is an Ultimate Consciousness in the Universe and regardless of what one believes, the journey one is on, or what one even calls this source, it exists. To discuss how one calls upon this source is something I choose not to do. It is as productive as discussing whether one calls a carbonated beverage soda, pop, coke, etc. What is important, for me, is that one acknowledges one’s source. How I have called upon this Divine source has changed over time in my life and still changes depending on whom I am speaking with about the Divine.
Read moreLast night, at our 4-year anniversary celebration, someone asked me how all this began. I could feel this little smile creeping up from inside me going, “it’s a faith thing.’ I would like to say that it began four years ago, but when I am honest with myself, I realize that I began manifesting this ministry years before I resigned from my pastorate. I remember having a conversation with a colleague who asked me what I would really like to do and I remember saying that I wanted to work with people who want to grow and evolve spiritually. I think that is when I first manifested this into being. When I told the Ultimate this is what I wanted to do, the Universe began to put everything in place for this to happen. However, one of the things that I came to realize is that I could not create this ministry while I was still pastoring and so things began happening to help me make the difficult decision to leave. While I will always care and pray for the congregation I left behind, the minute I announced my resignation I felt this wave of light and energy sweep through me from the crown of my head to the soles of my feet.
Read moreI just have to say that sometimes I am much better at following the four agreements than others. It seems that most of the time I am impeccable with my word, I do not take things personally, I seek clarification and don’t make assumptions and work to always do my best. Then there are those moments, whether it is because of a super moon, a total eclipse of the sun or that we are in some planetary retrograde. There are those moments when, for whatever reason, I forget and take something personally.
When this happens I know I am not upset with the person who said or did whatever, I am upset with myself because I allowed myself to take it personally.
Read moreSo today, I just want to thank my Bubby for teaching me how to seek out the gratitude in all situations. This message has been hitting home for me repeatedly this week. Each day, as you know, I start off the day with five things I am grateful for that day and then before going to be tell Zoe one thing about her I am grateful for or one thing she did for which I give thanks. My Bubby used to tell me that if I could see the positive in any situation, then I am going to be okay. Just say thank you for the gift, she would say. Hmm, I wonder if she said the same thing to Meister Eckhart, or if at least spirit conveyed those same words to him. He once said something similar. He said, “if the only prayer you said in your whole life was “thank you,“ that would suffice.” At the end of each Oneness Blessing gathering, we take a moment to say, “I am blessed, and full of gratitude. Today, my affirmation was “my life is blessed, and I am so grateful.”
Read moreI read this quote recently by Janet Jiryu Abels that said, “You can’t face yourself or turn away from yourself because you’re it. What do you need to understand? Can the eye see itself?” So today, I just need to sit with that because I am it. I guess it is as I wrote about the other day; I have to be at peace with what I do understand and what I don’t. As don Miguel Ruiz say, “it is what it is.” We are not to make any more or less of it then it is. I am who I am. I am exactly who I am supposed to be at this very moment in time. I am it.
Read moreYesterday was the 4th of July. I have mixed feelings about this holiday. On the one hand, I have these amazing memories of picnics, time with family barbecuing hot dogs and hamburgers, swimming in our pool, eating watermelon and then going to the fireworks at night. As an adult, however, I have found that I struggle with celebrating a day that celebrates Independence from those we considered subjugating only to do the same to others. At the same time, every year there are people we know who are looking for a space to gather with friends and family and so the spiritual being in me feels called to open our doors and host our now annual Fourth of July potluck barbecue. This year, I think I came to a space where I could participate in this day in a new way. I have come to a place where I can honor the memories of the past, the inequalities that continue to exist today, be of service to the other beings in the Universe, and at the same time have a deeply personal reason to celebrate. So this year I celebrated my personal independence day.
Read moreAll this month, I have been thinking about forgiveness. Each week, I have learned something new about myself, something I need to let go of within myself and forgive myself for thinking, feeling, or internalizing. Planning Zoe’s 60th surprise birthday party has brought up a few things I needed to forgive. This week, I have had to learn to release expectations about people and events. I had to learn to let this weekend celebration of Zoe’s life be what it was supposed to be. I had to release my expectations that people would communicate with me when there was a change in plans, as I would have with them. I had to release my desire to have the whole family together at one time. As with relationships, once I learned to release expectations around how things were going to be, it was just fine. However, for that hour or so that I was working on releasing my dreams and fantasies, I have had to forgive myself for self-imposed suffering.
Read moreThis weekend is father’s day and Monday will be my birthday. So it is a bittersweet weekend in my life. I am grateful because I am here to celebrate one more year. At the same time, I miss you more then there are words to express. It is hard to believe that you have been gone for 9 years now. I remember how many times my birthday fell on Father’s day and you would tell me that I was your Father’s Day present. So today, I just want to take time to tell you how much I love you and how grateful I am that you fathered me for so many years. I am grateful that you and Mom birthed me into your hearts and raised me as if I was your own.
There is not a day that goes by that I do not think of you. Every day I think about how you were supposed to be here living with Zoe and I I think about how much Zoe and I were looking forward to spending time with you, caring for you, and getting on your last nerve.
Read moreThe other day, during our angel card reading practice night, a friend told me that I needed to stop and smell the flowers. I know I have been working very hard lately and trying to work my way through the pile of things before me. It has felt like there was one deadline after another and I was sitting here thinking I need to just stop and play for a while today. My friend Kerry asked me when I crocheted last and to be honest, I could not remember. How sad. I have books I could read, but by the time I stop, I am too tired to read. So I knew that I needed to claim the time this weekend to play. I had told myself I just wanted to do two more things for sure today: take time to journal (which I am doing now) and finish my piece on forgiveness for the newsletter, as it is the last thing I have to give Zoe for the newsletter which she will be finishing tomorrow.
Read moreLast night, during our living the five agreements group we began talking about Bryon Katie’s book “Loving What Is: Four Questions that will change your life.” For me, her “The Work” is similar to what Toltecs call stalking. As I was sharing one of the stories about relationship from her book, I came to realize that I have to accept that my son is growing up. As much as he will always, in some respects, be my little boy. He, in reality, is now a 32 year old man who is developing his own way in the world and no longer needs to talk to me as often as he once did. I realized I have had to let go and let him grow. He will call when he needs to talk to me and I will call when I need to talk to him.
Nick came into my life when he was 10 and until recently he would call at least weekly. Now, he has entered this new phase in his life and calls about once a month or every other month
Read moreThis morning I was reading a devotional by Iyanla Vanzant about the holes in our life. She asked us to consider how or if we filled the holes. It got me thinking about all the holes I have experienced in my life and how you have helped me to climb out of them and then fill them with love and positive energy. It also got me thinking about all the lessons I have learned about myself in the process of climbing out of them.
One of the holes that I have been dealing with most recently was the hole that was created when I was five years old and had a traumatic experience while having blood drawn. I cannot remember how many times they tried to draw blood, but what I do remember was that with each failed attempt I became increasingly terrified, which made it even harder for them to draw the blood.
Read moreDear Ultimate Consciousness,
Just wanted you to know I got the message. How many days in a row can I shuffle my angel cards for daily guidance and have the same card jump out at me. Literally, this card keeps jumping out of the deck – Notice the Signs. I thought I was pulling it for a friend the other day, but maybe it was really for me. I pulled it again yesterday and then again today. So I think I get the message I need to stop and notice the signs. Thank you for the reminder that I am surrounded by your loving guidance and that you have sent a circle of angels to guide, protect and love me.
Read moreThis morning I awoke to a picture and a story a friend has posted on Facebook of a humpback whale. This is what it said:
A female humpback whale had become entangled in a spider web of crab traps and lines. She was weighted down by hundreds of pounds of traps that caused her to struggle to stay afloat. She also had hundreds of yards of line rope wrapped around her body, her tail, her torso, a line tugging in her mouth.
This is her story of giving gratitude.
Read moreI just wanted to take a moment to thank you for all you have taught me about hearing how I speak and the intention others hear when I speak to them. One of the things I have come to realize is that I have not always spoken to myself as lovingly as I do know. I used to think it was a good thing that I could speak to people in such a kind way that they did not realize they were bleeding until after I had left. I used to think that was a good thing, but then I realized that the intent behind the kindness was not coming from a space of pure love and compassion.
How could I be loving and compassionate with others, when I was not even being loving and compassionate with myself. So thank you for modeling for me how to be more loving and compassionate with myself.
Read moreMy brain has been all over the place this past week, well probably this whole month as I have been intentional about acknowledging different aspects of my life, my choices, the people in my life, those who have left, etc. This past week has been interesting because I have had to acknowledge the ways I still pastor and minister to people and how I have needed to define those terms for myself and acknowledge that they mean to me. I had to acknowledge those places where for me they were still artificially attached to my being attached to a formal congregation, which met in a formal building, and had formal worship services. It was reminders from my wife and friends who helped me in the process of detaching from the meanings others had and still do ascribe to those words and to redefine them for myself.
I have had to acknowledge how when people hear I am a reverend that they fill their minds with assumptions about who I am, what I believe, and my life in general. While I have no control over how others perceive me, I do have control over how I perceive myself and the image and story I create for myself and for others to observe.
Read more I came from a history of addiction. My father was an alcoholic. My mother was a sewaholic, sewing was her drug of choice. My brother was addiction to prescription medications for a while. I have battled an addiction to food most of my life. But I have also realized lately that I have some other addictions that I need to terminate and for which there is no 12 step group. I am still a “I am not good enough” addict. My addiction to not being good enough goes back decades, more than half a century in reality and stems from the day I was born and was given up for adoption. That was the first message that I was not good enough. Then I was not good enough to stay in the foster home. Then the rest of the not good enough messages began to filter into my life and resulted in my becoming a full blown “I am not good enough addict”.
When I was in seminary, I began facing that addiction and wrote a poem I have shared before called I am enough.
Read moreThis morning something challenged me to acknowledge a different aspect of negativity in my life. I have been intentional about working on keeping the 1st agreement and being impeccable with my thoughts and words. I have been intentional about avoiding gossip, criticism, thinking negative things about others or myself. I have been intentional about sending love, light, and positive energy to those who do not appear to be vibrating at the same level that I am, or who appears to be in need of healing.
Then it hit me, who am I to determine they are in need of healing or not vibrating at the same level then I am. How do I know that? How do I know what someone can or cannot do? If they think they cannot do something, then that is about them. If I think they cannot do something, or I cannot do something, then that is about me. Why would I contribute to the belief that something is not possible? Why am I judging others and their abilities?
Read moreI don’t know who said, "A picture is worth a thousand words." So this image is not so much a picture, but it really spoke to my spirit this morning. It reminded me of a few other lessons I try to incorporate in my life. One being HALT (hungry, angry, lonely, or tired). If I am any of these, I need to halt before speaking or doing anything. When I am hungry, physically not emotionally, I need to eat something. When I am angry, I need to calm down. When I am lonely, I need to find a way to socialize with someone. When I am tired, I need to take a nap. I need to do all of these things BEFORE I say or do anything, which I may later regret.
Then there is the Sufi teaching, which reminds me that BEFORE I speak, I must answer three questions: is it truthful; is it necessary; and is it kind. If they are not, then I do not need to speak those thoughts into being. I need to remember to think BEFORE speaking or doing.
Read moreSo as you know I have a routine spiritual practice each day, but periodically, I feel led to draw a card from one of my decks for inspiration and meditation. This morning, I drew the Queen of Fire from the Osho Zen Tarot deck. This card came bearing the message that I have so much more to share with the world than I realize!
Sometimes it is easy for me to forget that my small, positive actions, words, and deeds have a huge impact on the “big picture.” I am not always conscious of the ways what I do and create has a radiating effect on the world. Yesterday, one of my students shared with me how they believe the legacy I am creating will continue to influencing the planet long after I have forgotten about it or no longer exist on this plane. This card reminded me that my contribution doesn’t need to be some big flashy deal to have a transformative impact.
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