Forgiftedness

Forgiftedness

I forgive myself for not remembering who taught me
forgiveness is about forgiftedness.
My forgiftedness
is about giving myself the gift of peace.
it is about giving myself the gift of
control over my life.
it is about taking my power back.
Forgiftedness is about me choosing peace
over the need to retaliate.
Forgiftedness is about me focusing on
my own healing and well being and
not enabling past hurts to continue to hurt me.
Forgiftedness is a gift I learn to accept
and then continue to learn from and about.
I have a choice of forgiving and forgifting
or living with a need for resentment and retaliation.
Forgiftedness is a choice.
Each moment I choose whether
to gift myself with peace or not.

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Welcome

Welcome

Embrace it.
Welcome it.
That’s what Bubby would say.
Whatever the Ultimate sent to me,
welcome it,
she would say.
There is a blessing in it.
It was part of a teaching,
when you can see the blessing
in any situation,
know you will be okay.
I wish I could say
my spirit is always welcoming,
but I am working on it.
Sometimes I want to avoid the pain,
I want to avoid the struggle,
but Bubby always taught me
welcome, do not avoid.
It is about me being open
to the mysteries of life
and of the Ultimate.
It doesn’t mean I like it,
but I welcome it,
sit with it,
embrace it
and grow with it
Then I give thanks
and make sure
the doormat still says
welcome.

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Teaching

Teaching

Oh, you’re a teacher?
What do you teach?
What I mention are the fields
or the courses,
things like intro to women’s studies,
intro to disability studies,
or global gender issues.
Those are the courses,
well a few of them,
but in all honesty,
it is not really what I teach.
What I teach,
at least try to teach
is how to quest.
Questing is about traveling into the unknown.
It is about a journey to learn, grow and evolve.
Sometimes it is difficult and dangerous
because you have to learn things that
challenge your belief system.
Questing is about leaving home
literally and figuratively.
it is about allowing your brain and soul
to travel places it has not been before.
It is about asking questions
and going where you have to go for answers.
It is about not stopping,
Not giving up
even if you fall. 
There is a thrill in the quest
as you see your horizons broaden
as your vision expands
as you watch yourself overcoming
and releasing the fear that holds you back.
Questing is about questioning.
Questioning that you know it all.
Questioning that you are enough.
Discovering in the quest
that you are enough,
always have been
and always will be,
as long as you continue
on the quest.

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Interfacing

Interfacing

Anyone who knows me well,
knows I spend hours a day,
most of my days,
on the computer.
I use it to teach,
to build my business,
to help others heal,
to read,
to write,
to grade,
to do so many things.
Yet, how often do I give thanks
for the computer,
the phone,
the kindle,
and other forms of technology
which keep me connected
and independent.
Do I say good morning,
good night
or even say thanks or
I love you.
What if I did?
What if I looked at all the technology
in my life and treated it as if it is as
important to me as it is.
What else do I not give thanks for
that serves and supports me?
I sit here,
writing this on Labor Day,
while my technology is laboring for me
and allowing me to labor for others/
It has led me to think about
how I need to do something for it
and show it I care.
Maybe I should think about it
and give them names
and change the way we interface.

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All of Me

All of Me

I get so tired of having folks tell me
I would be prettier if
or I would feel better if
or whatever they think
would make me a better version of me.
If only I changed to fit their standards,
then I would be ok.
The reality,
well mine at least,
is that I love me just as I am.
I love all of me,
the parts I am proud of,
the parts I am working on,
and the parts that are on my
need to work on list.
Looking like X to make others happy
is about them, not me.
What is most important
is that I love all of me.
Not that I love me conditionally,
but that I love me unconditionally.
If I have to change
so you love me,
then you love the vision and fantasy of me,
you do not love me.
I cannot make you love me,
but I can choose each day
to love myself unconditionally,
not just some parts of me
but all of me.

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My Legacy

My Legacy

I always say
I cannot do anything about the legacy I inherited,
but I can do something about
the legacy I leave behind.
I hope that my life will leave
a positive impact on others.
When my life here is done,
I hope those I know
and even those I do not,
will be able to share how
I made a difference in their lives.
I hope that the values
by which I live,
the lessons I teach
in and out of the classroom,
the ways I treat others
online or face to face,
and that which I have accomplished in my life
will resonate with
and inspire others.
I hope that I leave others with a legacy
which builds on that which I inherited
and takes on its own dimension
which reflects me
and all that I was created to be
by the great I am.

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Inexplicable

Inexplicable

I still remember the day I stood there,
staring at this life size painting of two women.
La Confidence,
There was then and still is today
something inexplicable about this painting.
There is so much one can see,
so much about their relationship that is revealed
and at the very same time,
so much that is concealed.
There are so many pieces of art,
which remind me how inexplicable so much of life is.
They remind me to look for the mysteries of life.
Artists both tell and conceal the story.
They are more then just painters,
they are mystery writers
who through their gifts
create understandings and mysteries
that are inexplicable.
Sometimes I wonder if my words are like paintings.
Do they seem simple and clear,
but do they also draw one into this deeper thought,
the mystery which lies deeper within,
that becomes increasingly inexplicable,
as we unravel the thoughts which
like a sweater continue to unravel
without ever stopping.
Is all of art there to remind us
to appreciate the inexplicable
and celebrate the deepening mysteries of life.

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Where Are You Moving?

Where Are You Moving?

With everything going on
and all the things one hears in the press
about what might happen,
what could happen,
So often what we hear and
what we are told,
makes us want to move
out of
or because of the fear.
Stop moving where the fear is leading you.
Move within,
towards the one who guides you.
Move towards the peace,
that place guided by an understanding
which comes from the Divine.
The place to go in times of fear,
is not towards the fear,
but the place where you have none
and it only moves you closer to
understanding the path you are to journey on.

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Accountabilitity

Accountability

Can we please hold ourselves accountable?
I see this lack of accountability
all over the place.
My students who like to blame me
for not understanding that they were on vacation
for a week during a four week summer intensive.
My son,
who wants to blame everyone else for his behaviors
and not look at what he needs to do differently.
Those who say it is God’s fault
we have climate issues,
political issues,
natural disasters,
global starvation,
and the extinction of species
yet do not want to look at their own complicity
and look at our accountability as a human species.
We would much prefer to blame the Divine
then examine our own choices as consumers
or our own lifestyles.
What are we doing to hold ourselves accountable
and to make a difference in the world
and the legacy we are leaving behind.

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Surprise !!!!

Surprise

I love surprises.
Do you?
I love surprising others
and being surprised.
Surprises remind me of the Ultimate,
the one who fills the world with surprises.
The one who says I am about to do a new thing,
did you see it?
Did you hear the surprise?
Did you feel it?
Did you taste it?
Did you smell it?
Did you see the unexpected?
Did you see the butterflies
gathered around a non butterfly bush?
Did you see the hummingbird
that hovered in front of you?
Did you see the wildflower
that grew in an unexpected space?
Did you allow yourself to be surprised?
Did something capture your attention
and say surprise _____
My friend has a surprise for me
and all I know is
it is too cute.
Life is full of surprises
full of reminders
that others will surprise us
and we will surprise others
and like the Ultimate
we are doing new things,
don’t miss them
Surprise !!!!! 

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With Every Beat

With Every Beat

We would put our hands on our hearts
and say the pledge of allegiance
and my teacher said
it was how we honored our
flag, country and government.
When I place my hand on my heart now,
I have a completely different experience.
I am not thinking about pledging allegiance.
instead I feel my heart beating
and with each beat,
I am reminded that I am still here
and I am here to be of service to others.
I am here to show radical hospitality to others.
I am here to show compassion to others.
I am here to radiate love, light and positive energy
to all people,
to all living things,
to the entire universe.
My hand on my heart reminds me
of the warmth I feel,  
the things which bring warmth into my life
and the ways I radiate warmth to others.
My hand on my heart reminds me
about the miracles happening within me
and within you
that keeps our hearts beating,
and us waking up each morning.
It reminds me to be grateful,
to be appreciative
and to be joyful
for the miracle I get to feel
with every beat of my heart

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Beyond Acceptance

Beyond Acceptance

The thing I love most about my friends
are those things that make them unique.
I love those idiosyncrasies that just make them who they are.
It’s not that I accept them for who they are,
I just love them unconditionally.
I struggle with acceptance,
because it suggests there is something I need to accept.
I need to accept your idiosyncrasies
or other things that make you who you are.
Acceptance may help us build bridges
but when I love you unconditionally,
it means I love you for who you are.
We are friends because we know how to put up with each other
in good times and bad,
We are friends because we are not
make up kings or queens with each other.
Our friendship is real because we
grow with each other
love each other,
and celebrate each other
just as we are.
There is nothing to accept
because our friendship is based on unconditional love.
We never ask or suggest that
we be something other then who we are.
I love you with all your idiosyncrasies
just like you love me with mine.
There is nothing to accept,
but so much to celebrate.
So thank you for being you
and letting me love you just as you are.

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Bridges

Bridges

As I look out into this world
I see so many who are building walls
not between countries,
but between humanity.
We pit people against each other.
We pit families against each other
constructing walls of war
and hatred.
We stop learning how to work with each other
and learn from each other.
Walls divide,
Bridges unite.
They bring people together
in places and spaces
where we listen to each other,
learn from each other,
grow with each other.
Bridges enable us to learn
not just about each other
but how the Divine is working
in and through each of us.
Bridges not only erase the excluded
but deepen our foundation
with the Divine.
Bridges enable us to feast together
even when it is not the same meal.
We drink together,
even if not from the same fountain.
We all live in the same world and
share the same problems.
Bridges enable us to talk together,
understand each other,
help each other
and be inclusive of each other.

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Playing With My Senses

Playing With My Senses

What am I smelling?
What am I touching?
What am I tasting?
What am I hearing?
What am I seeing?
Am I rushing through life at such a fast paced
that I am not experiencing
the wonder of my senses.?
I need to slow down and
play with my senses.
when I play with them,
I experience them differently.
It is the slow eating,
I see when watching judges eating
on some cooking show.
Their eating is slow and intentional.
They taste the dance in the meal.
They wonder at how these seeds and leaves
and micro herbs and greens
create a taste they had not experienced before.
How simple things like curls of carrot
bathed in whiskey
become something that tastes
neither like carrot or whiskey.
What journey would my senses take me on
if I slowed down and allowed myself to
play with them.
What would I wonder about when looking at the night sky
or when I smelled the fresh rain
or the newly cut grass
or the leaves in the fall
or the icicles in the winter.
I live in this magical world
that is a feast of wonders
that I have yet to explore
when I do not take the time
to just be and play with my senses.

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Celebrating Weirdness

Celebrating Weirdness

I am on the verge of turning 68 years old
and I have been told I have a lot of qualities,
but for my own reasons,
my favorite is weird.
Weird is one of those words that can mean so many things.
There is the dangerous weird,
but there are those who others consider
odd or unconventional
and I am ok with that.

I don’t think most people see me as
the dangerous or psycho weird,
but more the odd or unconventional.
We tend to stay away from those who are weird,
different from us,
and I know how that feels,
because to some
throughout my life
I have been weird.
Being weird, however,
is about me loving me unconditionally
and being able to love
the weird in everyone I meet.
We all have something odd about us.
When we can embrace our oddness,
we can embrace the weird in everyone.
Celebrating weirdness
reminds me to invite the odd and the unconventional
into my life.
As I celebrate our weirdness
I come to a deeper relationship with the Ultimate
who created each of us and our weirdness
Celebrating my weirdness
is about celebrating all of me
and all of who I was created to be.
Besides if I weren’t the weird
you have come to know,
you may not love me.
So I will celebrate my weirdness
and you can celebrate yours.

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Halo

Halo

You draw halo’s on your soles at bedtime for a week
and think about how blessed you are,
how holy you are.
She said her initial thought was how it tickled
and helped her fall asleep a bit more relaxed.
It's been more then a month now
and she’s still doing it, except now
she also draws halo’s on her palms
and it reminds her of her faith,
what she has been spared
and how she has been blessed.
Halos.
All she is doing is drawing circles.
Halos are more than circles,
they were a circular area,
which was kept extremely clean
and around which people walked
threshing the grain.
Threshing is a space of separation and revelation.
Drawing these halos
is more then just drawing them.
it is a physical way for us to release
that which is separating us from the Ultimate
and opening us to revelations and wisdom.
Are you ready to have your most valuable parts revealed.
How are you walking around
your halo?

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Now I lay me

Now I lay me

Now I lay me down to sleep,
and as I do,
I ask the Ultimate be with me,
silencing all the noise floating through me,
allowing me to hear nothing
but the symphony and the silence
from above.
I ask to be brought to this state
where I release all that binds me here
I open myself up to this state of innocence
I only feel with the one I trust
unconditionally and unfathomably .
Sleep is about me walking with the Ultimate
in a way that is prayerful,
in a place where the words flow to me and through me.
I remember the 20 steps I was given on
how to exegete a scripture
but I never made it past step 3
and then I would be called into this state of sleep.
It was during this time, the wisdom would flow to me,
and then through me
as I wrote down the words
which came from the deepest spaces
and from the one who whispered clearly and loudly
in the sanctity of
my laying me down to sleep.

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loving my adversaries

Loving my Enemies

My mother and my Bubby
taught me I should love my enemies.
Have you ever tried to do that?
Have you ever tried to love someone
you really do not like?
You know that person who hurt you so deeply
and so consistently that you didn’t even want to be
in the same room as them.
Then you are told to love them unconditionally.
I still remember the moment it hit me that
I am someone’s enemy
I am someone’s adversary.
Yet despite this,
I am the one the Ultimate has forgiven and transformed.
I am the one the Ultimate showered with grace
and helped heal.
I am the one.
If this was done for me as someone else’s adversary,
then shouldn’t I want this
for my enemies.
They too are the creations of the Ultimate.
If I can be transformed,
so can they.

The power of the Ultimate
is not just about loving me
but about showering that same
transformative and healing power
on my adversaries
because they too
are worthy of that loving grace.

 
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Hide & Seek

Hide & Seek

Growing up one of my favorite games was
hide and seek.
I had a few places I could hide
and nobody would ever find me.
I had friends though who would make it so easy
to find them.
They would make sounds
when they were ready to be found.
I don’t try to hide anymore,
kind of hard to hide in my wheelchair.
Sometimes though I feel like
I try to play hide and seek with God,
but God is like my friend,
always making sounds
so I can seek them out
and learn what I need to
and then the Ultimate will hide again.
There is something about playing this game
of hide and seek
that reminds me to enjoy the journey
and to have fun in the process
of growing and evolving.
Like this morning
when I realized there are moments I do try to hide
but the Ultimate reminds me
I am always seen and heard
so I just need to play seek
because I am not good at hiding.  

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Does Anybody Really Know

Does Anybody Really Know

“Does anybody really know what time it is?
(Care) does anybody really care?
(About time) you know, I can't imagine why
(Oh no, no) we've all got time enough to cry.”
The words from Chicago’s song have floated within me
as I have thought about time.
We should have the time to cry,
but also the time to laugh and experience joy.
We should have the time for all the seasons of life.
We need to make time for the springs and the winters
and the summers and the falls.
Each season of our lives
has an effect on and contributes to our being.
There are times in our life when we are growing
and times when we are decaying.
Our growth can be spiritual,
emotional,
mental, and
physical
and so can our decay.
They are not necessarily happening separately,
but sometimes simultaneously.
There are times we express our creativity
and times we need to follow in others footsteps.
There are times we are following
and times we are being followed.
We experience seasons of health
and seasons of illness
and those seasons are ever evolving
along with the wholeness of life.
There are times we need to express our power
and times when we feel powerless.
Life is never about one or the other
but both and.
We need to make time to not just cry
but to live,
to grow,
to evolve,
to transform
and to die.
We need to do all of this for ourselves and the world around us
and learn how to do it
in the waves of time we experience with Spirit.
Knowing what time it is,
is not just about the date and time,
but about knowing what time it is in
Kairos.

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