It’s in the Process.

It’s in the Process.

It’s in the process,
my parents would say.
Never give up.
Keep digging.
You can do this.
These were the words they gave me
Don’t stop believing.
Don’t stop achieving.
Don’t stop building.
Nothing just happens.
I have what I have and
you have what you have
because we have grit.
We work on building relationships
with the Ultimate and with others.
We keep digging away
until we see the light at the end of the tunnel.
It is our commitment
and our consistency
which brings us to the light,
knocks down walls,
opens doors,
and creates possibilities
it's all part of the process.

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My Legacy – Beginning

My Legacy – Beginning

I listen to my friends
as they talk about their families
and the legacy they are leaving behind.
It causes me to stop and think about
what my legacy is.
What is it I am leaving behind.
I will leave Nick behind and
he is a legacy of the transformative power of unconditional love.
Being his mother has not always been easy.
There are days that have been filled with joy,
and others filled with pain,
but the one thing I am leaving in him
is knowing how the love we share 
has transformed his life.
I hope, however, that there is more to my legacy
then what I have bequeathed him.
I think about this often.
What will people say about me
or remember about me when I am gone.
Perhaps it is time for me to dive within
and write the story of my life.
Maybe its time for me to write
about what is important to me and why.
What do my words,
my writings,
my poems
say about me and my legacy.
What is the wisdom I want to leave behind?
What is the advice I want to pass on?
What are the blessings that have changed my life?
Maybe these words are just the beginning
as I reflect on my spiritual legacy
and the gifts I bequeath to the world.

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The Impossible Dream

The Impossible Dream

Music has been inspiring me lately.
I would love to say today was a piece of dance music
or pop culture, but it was a song from my childhood,
which taught me about fighting for
The Impossible Dream.
It would be great if when we stood up and spoke out
that the world always listened.
It doesn’t, but we are still called to stand in solidarity
and fight for what is right.
Tonight, I was asked to stand with a friend,
and I did
and I am still standing with her
and fighting for her.
Whether the world hears me or not,
she has heard me
and felt my solidarity.
At the same time, there is a piece of fiction I am reading
about a young woman whose dying wish
is to go to Coney Island with a prisoner on death row
whose journey changed her life.
Her dying wish is denied, but then
her friends and family fight for them to meet
for one day before she dies.
Their meeting is an impossible dream
for both of them,
and their time together
leaves their hearts peaceful and calm.
The struggles we feel called to fight for
are not always easy
and may mean we have to struggle
and fight
and give everything we have
and know that even when others do not want to listen,
we must stand up and shout,
standing in solidarity
and not stopping until
 we have stood up,
spoken out,
and achieved the dream,
no matter how impossible
it may have seemed.

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In that moment

In that moment

In that moment it all changed.
It started with something simple.
All I did was open my office door.
I opened it, that was it
and then this pain shot down my right leg
and then nothing -
nothing but numbness.
In that moment, it all changed.
I had no feeling in my right side
from my waist down.
My right foot flopped like a rag doll.
I did not know where my leg was anymore.
I could not walk without fear of falling.
I could not drive.
I could not even put my foot in my shoes.
In that moment, it all changed.
It wasn’t just the physical, it was everything else.
My so called friends disappeared.
i acquired a disability
and went from being able bodied to disabled
and learned how to fight for my rights
and to be treated with the same dignity and respect as before.
In that moment, it all changed.
I lost things like feelings, friends, and freedom
but I gained things.
I gained a deeper relationship with the Ultimate.
I began walking in faith,
not just spiritually but physically.
I gained a new spiritual vision, and gifts
which is why you are even reading this.
I gained a wisdom and a voice
that I could only have gained because of what I had lost.
I gained witness to what unconditional love feels like.
I had it before with Zoe,
but with all the changes to my body, mind and soul
she has loved me.
She loves me no more or less
because of what happened
but because she loves me.
In that moment, it all changed,
just because I opened a door.
It was just a door, but what it opened
were doors to so many opportunities
so many gifts,
so many journeys,
and it is still opening doors in my life.
In that moment, in that very moment,
it all changed, and I am grateful for that moment
and everything which has happened since.

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Connecting the dots

Connecting the Dots

How do you do that she asked?
What?
See how x is related to y? 
How do you do that?
As I sat and thought about it,
I realized I first learned to do it
with those connect the dot games
I used to do.
I loved watching the magic happen
as you figured out where to draw the line
in a way that allowed you to see something
more then just the dots.
There was so much more then just the dots.
There was a lesson focused on teaching me
how to connect the dots in my life.
When I draw upon that same imagination,
I begin to discover relationships
and meanings
and understandings that light up my world.
When I connect the dots today,
the world sheds light where I could not see.
and encourages me
to keep connecting the dots.

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Day 99 and Counting

Day 99 and Counting

Joyce
John
Matt
Gina
Felix
Kyleigh
It’s just day 99 of 2024
and already i am pouring libations
and remembering those whose work here is done.
Some of these people I was closer to then others,
but I knew them all,
had memories with them all,
needed time to grieve them all.

Some I am still grieving.
some died earlier in the year then others
and some just died.
Some I am still struggling to even say
they are dead,
but they are.
Grieving, like living,
is a process
and I will do both
until my time and my work
is done.
For now, I count each day I am alive
and celebrate the lives and the legacy
of those who are not.

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Diaballein

Diaballein

Crazy how one word
can make you think.
I am not even sure how I found this word
or how it found me,
but today’s word is
diaballein.
It is a word I do not like.
without even looking up the meaning,
it sounded diabolical.
In some respects it is,
it's about slander and accusing
and tearing things apart.
Diaballein
builds walls not bridges,
divides rather then unifies,
and creates tensions rather than community.

Diaballein challenges us to pick sides.
It seeks to separate

Mind and body,

Head and heart,

Secular and sacred,
and pit one against the other.
May we push back
and serve as symbols,
celebrating the wholeness of who we are,
the threads of commonality which bond us,
and live and love in ways that
build bridges not walls,
and bind us in ways that
promote, love, dignity and respect
for ourselves and each other.

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Happy

Happy

I remember the first time I heard the Happy song.
I just wanted to clap along
and could spend all day listening to it
and singing it.
What I was really happy about
was all that I had to be grateful for.
What makes me happy is my life.
I have times that are easier then others,
but in every moment of every day
is something for me to give thanks for
and it is in the midst of the thanksgiving
that I am happy.
I have been taught to give thanks
in all circumstances
and when I do I am
happy.
So like Pharrell Williams
it might seem crazy what I am about to say
but when you are done,
try giving thanks
in the midst of all
and know that in the midst of your truth
is happiness.
Create your own way to give thanks
in the midst of doing so
you may find yourself
happy.

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It Is Good

It is Good

I am always amazed at the wisdom of my elders,
especially as I age myself.
My Bubby used to advise me to
look for the good in every situation;
especially in the challenging of times.
There have been things I have been through
which may be seen as horrible,
but in the midst of it all,
I have seen the blessings and
the presence of the Ultimate.
In the midst of it I can reflect and say
it is good.
It is where my faith leads me
so that in the midst of illnesses
I can say it is good.
in the midst of grieving,
it is good.
in the midst of the pain,
it is is good.
It may not feel good,
It may not be what I wanted,
but the one who created me,
sustains me
and nurtures me
knows what my Bubby taught me to know
that in all of it is a blessing
and a space where I can say
it is good.   

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Thank You

Thank You

What are you thanking me for?
it’s what they wanted to know.
Thank you are the two words I work at saying
to as many people as I can each day.
Thanking others,
helps keep me humble
and reminds me how blessed I am.
Saying thank you
is a way of blessing them.
It is a way of living by grace
and finding reasons to be grateful
and give thanks
even when we are not sure if or why.
As I move through my life
I try to find someone to thank.
Not just the one’s easy to thanks,
but the one’s that challenge me to dig
deeper into my life
and find a reason to say
thank you.

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Angels

Angels
I remember sitting with my mother
watching the blades of grass move.
The angels are protecting them,
just like they protect us, she said.
We always have this Divine force
which watches over us and
supports us
no matter how the winds of life blow us.
It is these words of comfort and wisdom
which remind me that during times like this
when I am feeling those winds
that there are angels surrounding me
and bringing me through.
I may not see them
or feel them
or even sense them,
but that does not mean they are not there.
Like the blades of grass,
I go with the flow and know
the Ultimate has sent angels to guide me through.

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Seeing it

Seeing It

How do you do it?, he asked.
Do what?, I asked.
See the presence of Spirit in everything.
What I wanted to ask was
what keeps you from seeing it.
Seeing the gifts, blessings and opportunities
is something my Bubby taught me to do decades ago.
Seeing it,
was like breathing.
Spirit is everywhere and in everything.
If you look for its presence
you will see it.
Sometimes you will find it that which brings you joy,
other times in the challenging times.
You will see the Divine in those you like and love
and those you do not.
You will feel it in the news which brings you joy
and that which makes you ask why and wonder.
Bubby taught me to see the Ultimate
with each of my senses
and to keep looking
deeper and deeper
until I saw the gift.
She taught me to see the blessings
in even the smallest of cookie crumbs,
especially when we would combine them
to make the base of a cheesecake.
Together those crumbs achieved more
then anyone of them could alone.
It enabled me to see it.
Right now I am seeing it
and looking for it
and in some situations seeking it
until I am seeing it
and hoping you are able to see it too.

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Born Before Roe vs Wade

Born Before Roe vs Wade

It started off with a student asking me about  books to read  on women’s history
and then I found the one that forced me to stop
about women who gave children up before Roe vs Wade.
That was me.
I am one of those children whose mother did not have a choice.
She might have given me up anyway
but I will never know.
The reality is she had no choice,
at least not a safe one.
Perhaps that is why choice is so important to me.
I want to have choice in my life,
about how to live,
who to love,
what to do with my body
and I want others to have choices as well.
I have long thought of my birth mother
as a woman of strength and courage.
I can only imagine what she sacrificed for me.
I always say I was conceived, born, and raised in courage.
The courage of a Jewish woman who at least for one night
dared to lust, if not more,
for a black man.
of my foster parents who cared for me
as a biracial bay in the 1950’s
of my parents, who adopted me, and
always taught me to walk in my truth
and supported my choices,
even when they did not agree with them.
The stories of these women have been documented,
but now I wonder what the powerful stories are
of children like me
who were born before Roe v Wade.

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Keep on Learning

Keep on Learning

“In the beginner’s mind
there are many possibilities,
in the expert’s mind
there are few.” Shunryu Suzuki
I love this quote,
because it reminds me to
always be learning something new.
The more often I make myself
a beginner,
the more possibilities unfold
before me.
I keep learning
because it means i continue to see
that which I could not see before.
Every time I give myself the chance to learn,
I also give myself the chance to share
and make a difference in my life
and yours.

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I Got This

I Got This

It was just supposed to be routine bloodwork,
then it wasn’t.
Your severely anemic again.
All of a sudden all I was hearing
were all the things that could be wrong with me
and causing me to once again be severely anemic.
What I needed to hear
was no matter what I would be fine.
I needed the reminder that the Source
who brought me to this,
would bring me through this.
I needed the reminder that
I am an overcomer.
I knew I would need more transfusions
but what I didn’t need was to be told
I was not going to be okay.
Words are powerful
and they can help us manifest healing.
I had already seen that my body was self healing
with no pills and no transfusions.
I knew it might be a long journey,
but my body could and would heal.
I am an overcomer,
so please don’t tell me I’m not,
remind me that I am.
Prop me up with positives,
not negatives
and remind me
the healing is happening.
Feed me with optimism
because the reality is
one way or the other,
no matter what I am going through,
I will be fine. 

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Moist Heart

Moist Heart

You have a moist heart,
this woman at the First Nations center said.
It has been years
since she told me my tears
watered my heart and soul.
She said your moist heart
keeps you humble and fertile
so you may keep birthing.
I have not always understood what she meant
but on those days when the pain I witness
or even hear about makes me cry
I remember all this is to keep me with
a moist heart.
What moistens your heart?
Do you even allow yourself to have
a moist heart?
Do you allow yourself to feel the pain and suffering
in this world and
and have a good cry?
What if we moistened our hearts
and used this moistness
to fertilize the world?

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Learn to Love

Learn to Love

I remember the year
we had voles in our yard.
The rodent specialist gave us a few options:
He could use traps that would kill them,
or traps so he could move them
or we could come to love them.
So we learned to love them
and then they disappeared
as mysteriously as they had appeared.
we all have things we have to
learn to love.
When you can’t fix it,
or change it
or get rid of it
just learn to love it.
When you do
things change.
It is not the situation,
it is you.
when we learn to love
we open our hearts and minds
to experience everything a new.
Just for today,
learn to love

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My Cloud of Witnesses

My Cloud of Witnesses

There are moments I feel as if
I am on this journey by myself.
Then I remember that I am surrounded
by a cloud of witnesses.
There are those who are walking with me,
my dearest of friends and my soulmate.
There are who walk behind me.
I may not be mindful of their presence at all times,
but they truly have my back
and advocate for me,
even when I am not aware.
There are those ahead of me,
who may not seem as if they are with me,
but they are clearing the path for me.
Finally, there are those who created the path
on which I am now walking.
They are the ones who fought for my rights
before I ever existed.
Together,
they are my cloud of witnesses,
who love and support me
in ways I may never understand,
or be mindful of,
but are ever present for me. 

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Healthy

Healthy

Over the last year,
I have said goodbye to so many people I love.
Doing so has reminded me how important it is
to feed our zest for life.
I watched a friend choose to die
because she got tired of fighting.
We can never take our life,
the quality of it,
or our control over it for granted.
Our health
is a gift.
It is one we must examine,
develop,
and sustain.
I have watched others die
from the same struggles I have overcome.
I am grateful
for the gift I experience each day.
I may not have the health I would like,
but it does not mean I cannot give thanks
for what I can still do
and for what I have not had to go through.
Each day I give thanks for my health
and remember to give thanks
for what I have,
what I can change
and what I can do to celebrate.
How do you celebrate
your health,
that which you have overcome,
that which you have
and that which is coming.

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You Know Who You Are

You Know Who You Are

I am blessed to have people who love me unconditionally
and call themselves my friend.
But there are a very few,
not more then two in my life
who are more than friends.
They are the ones I feel safe enough to get spiritually naked with.
I can share not only my greatest joys,
but my deepest fears.
I can share things with them
I cannot share with anyone else.
I am sure you probably have someone like this too.
They are the one you can confess
the worst of you --
your sings and faults,
but also your aspirations -
your hopes and dreams.
They know not only what you share with others,
but what you do not.
They are more then your friend,
they are your soul friend.
Not only do you share with them
with such vulnerability and transparency,
but they do the same with you.
My soul friends know things about me
and how I feel and think
no one else does
and most likely ever will.
I don’t know who they are for you.
but they know as they read this,
that this is about them
and I need not say a word. 

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