This morning I was talking to Zoe’s friend Barb who had come to visit for a couple of days. We were talking about my blog on testicles, which she enjoyed and she asked me where I got the inspiration for my blogs. I told her I could find inspiration in just about anything. I look for a message from the Infinite in all that I see and do in life. Later this morning, I asked her to bring me one of three boxes of Toltec Wisdom cards in the guestroom and then pick a card, which she did. I told her this would be the inspiration for my journal entry this week. The title on the front was “Create a Beautiful Dream.”
Read moreTruth, Honesty, Integrity
I love, love, love our Living the Five Agreements group. I love all of our groups for different reasons, but this group, perhaps because we are all so comfortable with each other, is one that makes me wonder why I even have an end time on the group because we have NEVER ended on time. For the last few months, we have been doing something interactive. I had bought three card sets dealing with Toltec Wisdom, one box of The Four Agreement cards, The Mastery of Love cards, and The Fifth Agreement cards. Each month, we have taken the cards for a different agreement and picked one that felt right for us. Then we have spent our time together discussing the cards drawn by our group members.
Read moreWarm Fuzzies
I am not sure why I have been sitting here thinking about warm fuzzies tonight. Maybe because I love getting hugs and they feel like warm fuzzies. When friends and clients come to visit me, I get lots of warm fuzzies and they get warm fuzzies from me too. I remember reading a story years ago about warm fuzzies, so I went in search of the story. Unfortunately, it did not end the way I remember. But it still affirmed for me the need to share my love openly with others. Love is one of those gifts we have which we can never run out of in our lives. one of the things I remember learning while reading don Miguel Ruiz’s book The Mastery of Love is about how what makes us happy is when we share the love we have inside us. When I do not share my love with others, or myself it is as if I am giving others and myself cold pricklies, not warm fuzzies. The more warm fuzzies (aka love) that I freely share the more opportunities I provide for others to share their warm fuzzies with me.
Read moreTaking the Hogwarts Express
God has a real sense of humor. A few weeks ago, I talked about being released from fear. All I can say is that it was true for the moment. Since then I have had to face waves of fear that have risen from inside me. I had to look in what I call the mirror of truth and see through the fears, which have come rising to the surface. Sometimes it has felt like they were going, “so you thought we were gone, guess again. We’re back.” First, I had to work through my fears of anybody doing a healing on me. I had to face the fear that is within me related to “healings.” There was this immense power and clarity that came as I moved through that fear. The healing I had a few weeks ago, was healing and liberating. The other night the same person did another healing session on me and she said the energy was flowing more evenly. Hearing that news was not surprising, after all the first time my body was filled with fear about what might happen, what could happen, how I might respond.God has a real sense of humor. A few weeks ago, I talked about being released from fear. All I can say is that it was true for the moment. Since then I have had to face waves of fear that have risen from inside me. I had to look in what I call the mirror of truth and see through the fears, which have come rising to the surface. Sometimes it has felt like they were going, “so you thought we were gone, guess again. We’re back.” First, I had to work through my fears of anybody doing a healing on me. I had to face the fear that is within me related to “healings.” There was this immense power and clarity that came as I moved through that fear. The healing I had a few weeks ago, was healing and liberating. The other night the same person did another healing session on me and she said the energy was flowing more evenly. Hearing that news was not surprising, after all the first time my body was filled with fear about what might happen, what could happen, how I might respond.
Read moreThe Journey Continues
I have lived through some scary things in my life, but today I find myself pressing through a fear unlike any I have ever known. I am not sure when it all began or that I can even explain it. It started years ago, while I was at praise and worship service at a friend’s church. They are a very energetically charged church where people dance, run, jump, and “get their praise on.” I remember thinking, as I was bouncing up and down, “gurl, you do not need to be doing this.” the next morning; I woke up in pain and had trouble walking. I barely made it to the doctor’s office and saw one of the doctors on staff who suggested I stay in bed for a few days, alternating hot and cold packs on my back and taking some pain relievers and muscle relaxers. Nothing seemed to help. Days turned into weeks, which turned into months. Surgery was schedule and then cancelled. Scared I would never walk or drive again, I asked my doctor what more I could do. Acupuncture relaxed me and water walking seemed to help a little bit. Each day, I was getting a bit stronger, but I was not 100%. One night, my neighbor came down and said God had given her the gift of healing and was told to lay hands on me. It was not that I fully trusted my neighbor, I didn’t. After all, she was the one who would have prayer vigils with others praying that God would cure me of my sexuality. She was just starting when my friend Steve came by and he got swept up by the power of the Spirit in the room and began speaking in tongues, something I had never heard him do. As she prayed over me, I could feel this energy flowing out of me and this new energy flowing through me. Without even thinking about anything, I hopped up out of bed without my walker and went to the bathroom. It was not until I was on the toilet that I realized I had walked unassisted.
Read moreReleased from Fear
The other day I was going through some of my old poetry and found a poem I had written years ago, actually more like decades ago. I called it Afraid. I am not sure why it spoke to me. Perhaps it is because a friend asked me the other day what I am afraid of. So that question amongst others is what I have been meditating about this week. Sometimes I wish my brain would not be so deep and reflective, but that is how I am choosing to be at this time in my journey.
Read moreImagine a Judgment Free World
What would it be like to live in a judgment free world? I have been thinking about this question for several days now. While I would like to say I am not a judgmental person that would be a lie. I am probably less judgmental of others then I am of myself. I have come to realize that every time I judge myself, I am also lying to myself. I am telling myself I am too much or not enough of something. There are aspects of my life I have been able to stop lying to myself about. the ability to do so, has taken time as my inner jaguar has carefully stalked that prey, ripped it out of my mind and then dug deep until the root system, which was supporting the lie was ripped out as well. With some aspects of my life I have been relentless; others I have not yet chosen to make a priority.
Read moreApples are not always healthy
Growing up I was always told an apple a day keeps the doctor away. While that might be true in one sense, this morning I realized that there were other apples I have eaten throughout my life which in their own way shape or form have banished me from my own Garden of Eden. It is not that I was not aware of the things from my past that I had agreed to which were toxic, but this morning while listening to Don Miguel Ruiz talk about Adam and Eve, the serpent, and the Garden of Eden, I realized I too had listened to and internalized others knowledge. In doing so, I had internalized “apples” that was toxic to my emotional, mental, physical, and spiritual well-being. Eating those “apples,” those pieces of knowledge that others had handed me telling me they were good in their own way banished me from my Garden of Eden.
Read moreWhen the Worst Possible Thing Happened
I was writing about courage this morning for our April newsletter and I began to realize how courageous I really am. I remember that season in my life all too clearly. It was about two years ago, July 2011, when we received two pieces of life changing news. Zoe was diagnosed with breast cancer and I was told that we were no longer in the service area for LiftLine, all within a few days of each other. I knew that treatments existed that would enable Zoe to battle the cancer and she has and she is still in remission and for that I am grateful. Crazy as it may sound, while that shook our world, it was the notion of not being able to leave my home and go to campus to teach, meet with prospective clients, apply for jobs, go out with friends, or even go to my doctor’s appointment or the grocery store, which made me face my greatest fear. Here I was a fairly independent person with a disability and then with one phone call I was told I had “limited” service. What that has meant is that in the last two years of calling for reservations, I have gotten them twice.
Read moreWhat I love about what I do is ______________
I have been wondering what I wanted to journal about, then I got an email from a client cancelling our weekly session. While I was grateful for some unexpected downtime in my day, what really made me happy was her reason for cancelling – a friend had invited her to do something fun and was choosing to do that. I enjoy my time with my clients. It is a spiritually gratifying time for me, however, I am always excited when I get to watch them evolve and grow and demonstrate healthy behavior. I found myself getting so excited because she was choosing to take advantage of this opportunity to have fun with friends. On a day when it is once again cold and snowing, the easier thing would be to stay inside and have a phone session. The challenging thing would be to go out in the snow and have fun. Her decision makes me want to do a happy dance.
Read moreEntering a Complaint Free Existence: The Journey Begins
A few weeks ago, I ordered 30 bracelets from A Complaint Free World and they arrived yesterday. My goal was to work with this organization and begin a complaint free movement here in Rochester, NY. Well Friday, my bracelets arrived and while in my head I realized that putting this bracelet on my head would be the start of something new, I was not prepared for what happened when I put it on and began re-watching the videos. As I did, I realized I had complained earlier in the day. It was not intentional, but I did complain.
My complaint free day began at 7:00 pm on Friday, March 8, 2013.
Read moreWhen The Air Blows
Ok, I am laughing about this now, but this morning I was not a happy trooper to say the least. It was a typical morning, Zoe had left for work, and I was working on the stacks of stuff before me when an 800 number began repeatedly calling me. It was my bank calling to tell me they were having a technical issue with several clients debit cards. So the next hour was about me
Read moreI am Enough: Now and Then
T
he other night I was having a conversation with someone who was beating herself up for not being enough of what she thought she should be. I could empathize with where this person was, as I could remember a time when I had internalized the message that I was not enough. I remember eventually reaching a space where I was so tired of being told that I was not enough of something or too much of something. I was tired of dating people who were makeover queens and always willing to tell me what I needed to change to become the perfect partner for them. I had finally come to this point of realizing that if they did not love me for who I was, then they did not love me. My therapist at that time suggested I write what I was feeling. Later that week, I sat down and wrote a poem for myself and to all those who had ever criticized me for being who I am. It is called I am enough
Read moreThank you Ganesha
I can always tell when Ganesha has been working in my life. sometimes It is because I have had this lifelong dream of an elephant flying into my life when I am in a space of struggle, wrapping its trunk around me, flying me into the heavens, setting me on a cloud and leaving me there to rest while it flew off into the universe. Later, it would come back, and fly me back to a transformed setting where all obstacles had been removed and the path was clear for a new beginning.
Read moreMy Spiritual Waters is on Sabbatical
I am taking a sabbatical for a while so I can focus on a writing project. Periodically, as I feel inspired, I may post something here. However, I will not be posting here on a regular basis this year. Thank you for all the love and support.
It’s naptime!
This week has been filled to the brim with things to do. Zoe’s high school friend Barb came to visit for a few days and I was busy grading final papers and ensuring that once again I was able to get my final grades submitted on time. While I knew there were other projects waiting to be worked on, the time demands on them were not as pressing as getting my grading done. However, now that I am done with my grading, I feel the need to just crawl into bed and take a nap.
There is a part of me, which feels as if now I should begin working on my next project. At the same time, there has been a part of me, which has been feeling as if it is time to lie down and take a nap. As I sat here and argued with myself, I received this message from God, an application on Facebook, that said “To make a big decision, give yourself time and space away from the mundane so that the sacred can emerge.”
Read moreOh what a beautiful morning!
I wish I could explain what is going on with me energy wise, but I am not sure that I can. All I know is that since December 13 I have woken up with bounds of energy. For the last several days, I have woken up singing Oh What a Beautiful Morning in my head. I have not heard that song for decades, but every morning I have been waking up singing this song in my head and the reality is that each day this week has been amazingly beautiful.
Some might say it is because there is a shift in the energy as we move closer to the end of the Mayan calendar. Others might explain it a diversity of ways. All I know is that this is how I am waking up and the attitude that has been prevailing in my spirit. Even the other day when I heard about the mass killing at the elementary school in Connecticut, my joy was not broken. That is not to say I did not feel compassion for those who were involved in this tragic event, I did and am still holding them in prayer. However, my feelings were not an either or but a both and. I felt deep compassion for those who were suffering, but could still appreciate the “bright golden haze on the meadows.”
Read moreWhat I appreciate
Most of this week, I have been thinking about my recent blog about the distinction between gratitude and appreciation.
“Melody Beattie said, “Gratitude unlocks the fullness of life. It turns what we have into enough, and more. It turns denial into acceptance, chaos to order, confusion to clarity. It can turn a meal into a feast, a house into a home, a stranger into a friend. Gratitude makes sense of our past, brings peace for today, and creates a vision for tomorrow.” Gratitude is the base from which we can gain a greater appreciation of life and its offerings.
Appreciation involves awareness and mindfulness. Our ability to appreciate all of what life is revealing to us is dependent on our being present, aware, and actively reflecting on why we are grateful for what we are. It is through our awareness that our appreciation of that which we are grateful grows and blossoms.”
Read moreMe and Masks
I have been thinking about something, which was said to me during a tarot reading a few weeks ago. The reader told me I have this external image of being peaceful, calm, and happy, however, there are things from my past, which weigh me down. In essence, there were masks I wore and parts of myself I did not openly share with others. Perhaps those were not the exact words shared with me; it is however how I remember it.
Those words have come and gone from my memory. However, this morning as I was reading from Don Miguel Ruiz’s Four Agreements Companion Book. He wrote, “We know we are not what we believe we are supposed to be and so we feel false, frustrated, and dishonest. We try to hide ourselves, and we pretend to be what we are not. The result is that we feel unauthentic and wear social masks to keep others from noticing this.” he challenged the readers to think about what masks we wear around others? Why do we wear them? What would happen if we took them off? What would it be like to express who we really are?
Read moreReleasing Judgment
Ah, to be seven again. It was interesting trying to explain the four agreements to a 7 year old last night. Trying to explain being impeccable with your word was fun. We talked about being positive in what you think and say about yourself and others and she looked at me with this and your point is kind of face. So following the third agreement to seek clarification, I asked her if she ever thought anything negative about anybody or herself. Her response was why would I. I then talked with her about the second agreement of not taking things personally and she again looked at me somewhat strange. So I said, well for example, if I told you that you were ugly, would you believe me. With her hands on her hips and a very strong face, she said NO! I am beautiful. Of course, I would not believe your lie. The other two agreements, seek clarification and do your best made so much more sense to her.
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