Playing With My Senses

Playing With My Senses

What am I smelling?
What am I touching?
What am I tasting?
What am I hearing?
What am I seeing?
Am I rushing through life at such a fast paced
that I am not experiencing
the wonder of my senses.?
I need to slow down and
play with my senses.
when I play with them,
I experience them differently.
It is the slow eating,
I see when watching judges eating
on some cooking show.
Their eating is slow and intentional.
They taste the dance in the meal.
They wonder at how these seeds and leaves
and micro herbs and greens
create a taste they had not experienced before.
How simple things like curls of carrot
bathed in whiskey
become something that tastes
neither like carrot or whiskey.
What journey would my senses take me on
if I slowed down and allowed myself to
play with them.
What would I wonder about when looking at the night sky
or when I smelled the fresh rain
or the newly cut grass
or the leaves in the fall
or the icicles in the winter.
I live in this magical world
that is a feast of wonders
that I have yet to explore
when I do not take the time
to just be and play with my senses.

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Celebrating Weirdness

Celebrating Weirdness

I am on the verge of turning 68 years old
and I have been told I have a lot of qualities,
but for my own reasons,
my favorite is weird.
Weird is one of those words that can mean so many things.
There is the dangerous weird,
but there are those who others consider
odd or unconventional
and I am ok with that.

I don’t think most people see me as
the dangerous or psycho weird,
but more the odd or unconventional.
We tend to stay away from those who are weird,
different from us,
and I know how that feels,
because to some
throughout my life
I have been weird.
Being weird, however,
is about me loving me unconditionally
and being able to love
the weird in everyone I meet.
We all have something odd about us.
When we can embrace our oddness,
we can embrace the weird in everyone.
Celebrating weirdness
reminds me to invite the odd and the unconventional
into my life.
As I celebrate our weirdness
I come to a deeper relationship with the Ultimate
who created each of us and our weirdness
Celebrating my weirdness
is about celebrating all of me
and all of who I was created to be.
Besides if I weren’t the weird
you have come to know,
you may not love me.
So I will celebrate my weirdness
and you can celebrate yours.

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Halo

Halo

You draw halo’s on your soles at bedtime for a week
and think about how blessed you are,
how holy you are.
She said her initial thought was how it tickled
and helped her fall asleep a bit more relaxed.
It's been more then a month now
and she’s still doing it, except now
she also draws halo’s on her palms
and it reminds her of her faith,
what she has been spared
and how she has been blessed.
Halos.
All she is doing is drawing circles.
Halos are more than circles,
they were a circular area,
which was kept extremely clean
and around which people walked
threshing the grain.
Threshing is a space of separation and revelation.
Drawing these halos
is more then just drawing them.
it is a physical way for us to release
that which is separating us from the Ultimate
and opening us to revelations and wisdom.
Are you ready to have your most valuable parts revealed.
How are you walking around
your halo?

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Now I lay me

Now I lay me

Now I lay me down to sleep,
and as I do,
I ask the Ultimate be with me,
silencing all the noise floating through me,
allowing me to hear nothing
but the symphony and the silence
from above.
I ask to be brought to this state
where I release all that binds me here
I open myself up to this state of innocence
I only feel with the one I trust
unconditionally and unfathomably .
Sleep is about me walking with the Ultimate
in a way that is prayerful,
in a place where the words flow to me and through me.
I remember the 20 steps I was given on
how to exegete a scripture
but I never made it past step 3
and then I would be called into this state of sleep.
It was during this time, the wisdom would flow to me,
and then through me
as I wrote down the words
which came from the deepest spaces
and from the one who whispered clearly and loudly
in the sanctity of
my laying me down to sleep.

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loving my adversaries

Loving my Enemies

My mother and my Bubby
taught me I should love my enemies.
Have you ever tried to do that?
Have you ever tried to love someone
you really do not like?
You know that person who hurt you so deeply
and so consistently that you didn’t even want to be
in the same room as them.
Then you are told to love them unconditionally.
I still remember the moment it hit me that
I am someone’s enemy
I am someone’s adversary.
Yet despite this,
I am the one the Ultimate has forgiven and transformed.
I am the one the Ultimate showered with grace
and helped heal.
I am the one.
If this was done for me as someone else’s adversary,
then shouldn’t I want this
for my enemies.
They too are the creations of the Ultimate.
If I can be transformed,
so can they.

The power of the Ultimate
is not just about loving me
but about showering that same
transformative and healing power
on my adversaries
because they too
are worthy of that loving grace.

 
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Hide & Seek

Hide & Seek

Growing up one of my favorite games was
hide and seek.
I had a few places I could hide
and nobody would ever find me.
I had friends though who would make it so easy
to find them.
They would make sounds
when they were ready to be found.
I don’t try to hide anymore,
kind of hard to hide in my wheelchair.
Sometimes though I feel like
I try to play hide and seek with God,
but God is like my friend,
always making sounds
so I can seek them out
and learn what I need to
and then the Ultimate will hide again.
There is something about playing this game
of hide and seek
that reminds me to enjoy the journey
and to have fun in the process
of growing and evolving.
Like this morning
when I realized there are moments I do try to hide
but the Ultimate reminds me
I am always seen and heard
so I just need to play seek
because I am not good at hiding.  

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Does Anybody Really Know

Does Anybody Really Know

“Does anybody really know what time it is?
(Care) does anybody really care?
(About time) you know, I can't imagine why
(Oh no, no) we've all got time enough to cry.”
The words from Chicago’s song have floated within me
as I have thought about time.
We should have the time to cry,
but also the time to laugh and experience joy.
We should have the time for all the seasons of life.
We need to make time for the springs and the winters
and the summers and the falls.
Each season of our lives
has an effect on and contributes to our being.
There are times in our life when we are growing
and times when we are decaying.
Our growth can be spiritual,
emotional,
mental, and
physical
and so can our decay.
They are not necessarily happening separately,
but sometimes simultaneously.
There are times we express our creativity
and times we need to follow in others footsteps.
There are times we are following
and times we are being followed.
We experience seasons of health
and seasons of illness
and those seasons are ever evolving
along with the wholeness of life.
There are times we need to express our power
and times when we feel powerless.
Life is never about one or the other
but both and.
We need to make time to not just cry
but to live,
to grow,
to evolve,
to transform
and to die.
We need to do all of this for ourselves and the world around us
and learn how to do it
in the waves of time we experience with Spirit.
Knowing what time it is,
is not just about the date and time,
but about knowing what time it is in
Kairos.

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My Infusions

My Infusions

Last week I began weekly visits
back to the hematology center
to get another round of iron infusions
to help me battle another severe case of anemia.
My friends have all heard how horrific my first experience was,
but this center is infusing me with more then iron.
Honestly, it is not just me
it is everyone I have met there,
they infuse their patients
with love.
They remind me of how we are to treat others.
They treat each patient like a flower,
They care for each one of us,
helping us heal, grow,
and feel pampered.
I have seen how they take the time
to understand us,
to know what we need,
what makes us comfortable,
what makes us feel safe.
What if we treated each others like flowers
infusing each other with love and attention?
What if we made sure those we loved were watered,
nourished,
fertilized,
and getting everything they need.
My hemotology center is more than a place of healing,
it is a flower bed
and all work to keep
every life blooming.

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I Didn't Know

I didn’t know

You are such a trooper.
You are so strong.
You are such an inspiration to so many.
I am not sure where all these affirmations came from yesterday,
but they flowed into my life
from random people
in random places.
Then I kept hearing Whitney Houston
singing I didn’t know my own strength.
it made me realize that I never think about
how strong I am.
I just focus on getting through.
I just face the challenges
and I find what I need to get through.|
I call on my ancestors.
I remember my father saying
you are like a timex watch,
you take a licking and keep on ticking.
Do I even know my own strength?
The last several years have been filled with challenges,
and sometimes I get tired,
but I know I have to move through it.
As Whitney said,
I may tumble,
but I do not crumble.
I just move through each day
one moment at a time
and focus on where I am heading,
not what I have to overcome.
I don’t focus on the obstacles.
I focus on being an overcomer.
My soul is what reminds me
that the Ultimate will bring me through.
With my faith, I can make it through.
I may not see my strength,

Until others point it out to me.
I just knew, as the song says,
I was not meant to break.
I have always been meant to overcome.
I didn’t’ know, my own strength,
but I am beginning to understand and own it.
Soon,
I will know my own strength.

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Label Free

Label Free

It was an exercise I gave my queer theory class one day.
Let’s be intentional about trying not to label this week.
Labeling, I explained
creates expectations which affect our vision
and change how we see things.
We see people as the label
not necessarily as they really are.

When I see you as your label
then there are things I think I know about you,
because you are everything I believe about that label
and I miss everything about you that is new and exciting and
you do the same with me.
When we build relationships based on labels
we are in relationship with our expectations,
we are in a relationship with the stories we create,
and only partially with the person for who they truly are.
What if we lived without labels.
If we learned to care about each other
not as a sex or a gender
or as a race or an ethnicity
or a sexuality or
a class
or any other label
that carries with it a story.
Would you see me differently?
Would I see you differently?
Would we see each other a greater clarity
and truer expression of who we were created to be?

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Doing It

Doing It

I know how to fix it.
I know how to change it.
I know what needs to be done.
I just need to do it.
All too often we know what the problem is.
We know all about the problem.
We know the answers and the solutions.
We just do not act on them.
As a friend says about her weight,
I know how to lose it
I just don’t do it
and even when I do it.
I don’t keep doing it.
Resolving issues in our life
is not just about knowing how to address it,
it is about doing it.
It is about actively working
to change it
and once we have done it,
to keep on doing it
How much better would our lives be
if we did it and then
kept on doing it.

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My Home

My Home

When people hear how long I have had
to shelter in place,
they express their sorrow for me.
The reasons I could not leave are another story,
but not being able to leave
changed my way of living and loving.
I had to face this pivotal moment
where this would be a jail cell
where I served time for a crime I did not commit
or it would be a space so peaceful and loving
and filled with Spirit,
that I would have no desire to leave.
So don’t feel sorry for me that I live
in a space filled with the Ultimate’s presence.
I spend my life giving thanks for this blessing
and expressing my gratitude for this gift.
Home is not just where my heart is.
Home is where I get to be
in the presence of the one
who birthed me,
developed me,
transforms me,
and loves me unconditionally.
Home is the place
I truly prefer to be.

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Balance

Balance

I have my time on the seesaw to thank
for teaching me the importance of balance.
I learned how much I hated being held hostage in the air
and not being able to take turns going up and down.
Being able to take turns going up and down
or working with my friend to see if we could keep
it all in one place and us balanced
was when I had the most fun.
It was this joy
that taught me how important balance is
in my life.
Balance is not always physical,
sometimes it is about balancing my vices with my virtues
and teaching them to work together.
It is about seeing how the light and the dark
work together to strengthen and inform us.
It is about learning to balance the times I feel called to conform
and the times I need to express my freedom and self expression.
It is about knowing when I need to discipline myself and
when I need to let my imagination soar.
it is about finding that balance between questioning and accepting.
Balance is about allowing our opposites
and the opposites in the world to attract
and to bring out the best in each other.
Balance is not about either or.
It is about both and
In the midst of it all,
we experience balance.

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Pleasure

Pleasure

Pleasure,
it is something I am worth experiencing.
Pleasure,
is something I once felt unworthy of,
but I am.
Pleasure
is like a Sabbath moment.
It is time to be quiet,
to still my soul,
and enter into quiet time with the Ultimate.
Pleasure
is what prepares me for what is not.
It prepares me for the challenging times with the world.
Pleasure,
is a time to reflect and relax.
Pleasure
is something I need to practice,
and give myself that time to experience it all,
including pleasure.

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Creating

Creating

I can’t count the number of times
I have said,
I am not creative,
but I am.
Those creative powers live within
the artiest within me.
Creativity is not limited to those who others identify as artists,
it is a gift and talent that lives within each of us.
Anytime we learn how to relate to another human being,
we are expressing our creativity.
In the building of those relationships,
we create meaning
as we learn how our lives and our personalities fit together.
We learn how to create something more
then either of us is on our own.
Every day,
conscious or not,
I create.
Anytime I fit the puzzle pieces of life together
I am creating.
Today, I created meals and menus,
ways to play with a friend
opportunities to build my business,
ways to weave words and ideas together.
Creativity existed in the ribs I cooked
and the lecture I recorded,
and the life I am building.
May we remember to hold on to our inner artist
and create each day
and create within that creation.

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My Sanctuary

My Sanctuary

Growing up I would hear people talk
about where they went to worship or pray.
What my life has taught me is
where I am is my sanctuary.
Where I am is where I can sit
and lift up my prayers
and sing my praises.
Where I am is holy ground,
not because others proclaim it so,
but because the Divine is with me
wherever I go.
So whether I am in my home,
or in the middle of my prayer garden
or a formal worship space,
I am with the Ultimate
and I can pray and praise.
My sanctuary is not a separate space,
it is the space I create and carry with me.

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Stand and Wait

Stand and Wait
Often when I hear people complain
its about how long they had to stand and wait in line
or wait in traffic
or wait for X to happen.
I also know people who would love to stand on their own again
or like to drive and wait in traffic.
We tend to think about this time as
annoyance time because
we could be doing something more than
standing and waiting.
We can.
We can take that time
to count our blessings and give thanks
or silence our brain and meditate.
or think about something we can do
to help us on our spiritual journey.
What if we practiced thinking about this
time as a gift and
asked for more chances to
stand and wait in our lives.

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"Wow! What a Ride!”

"Wow! What a Ride!”

"Wow! What a Ride!”
those were the words of a desperate southern gentleman
about his life.
Every time I read his words
Hunter Thompson reminds me how I want to live my life.
His words remind me that I want to feel as if I just slid in
to home plate going wahoo.
I am reminded that life is like a roller coaster.
There are those times I am going higher then I am comfortable
and the times I am sliding, sometimes plummeting down
traveling solely in faith.
Faith knowing that one that bought me to the highest of highs
is the one that will bring me through the lowest of lows.
I cannot appreciate the highs without the lows.
It is this constant journey which guarantees me
as Hunter explained,
I will not be “arriving safely in a pretty and well preserved body.”
Rather, I will be skidding in “broadside in a cloud of smoke,
thoroughly used up, totally worn out,
and loudly proclaiming
"Wow! What a Ride!”

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Teachers

Teachers

After as many years as I have spent taking classes
I have met my share of teachers.
However, those who have taught me the most
in my life
are not amongst them.
There were a few like Dr Diane Samdahl and Dr Gail Ricciuti
who will always have a place in my heart
because that is where they taught from.
My life has been filled with people ,
like my wife, who has taught me what it is like
to truly be loved unconditionally.
Events,
like when I felt the feeling leave my right side and leg,
which taught me how to walk in faith and grace in all situations.
Places,
like our prayer garden,
which have taught me how the universe works and if I blink
I will miss the miracles happening before my eyes.
Things,
like my wax melts
which remind me to stop and breathe
and learn from the memories which still live in me
The teachers in my life,
are more then the people;
they are the place, things, moments, and experiences
which teach me
when I open myself to learning
what they strive to teach.

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Why I Cry

Why I Cry

Why do you cry?
They wanted to know.
They said you seem to cry when you are sad,
when you are angry,
when you are happy,
whenever you are feeling
anything in depth, you seem to cry.
I have long been told
crying is an act of weakness.
However, for me crying is like
the emotions flowing out and through me.
Tears are like a gift.
they are like the water
which allows the rainbow to shine.
My tears create a path,
like a river,
for the gifts of the Infinite to shine,
and speak to others
in ways no other expression can.
My tears can purify
and cleanse the pollution from my life.
My tears can rejuvenate
and enable me to shine.
There is nothing wrong with my tears.
Sometimes they are just
how God speaks to and through me.
So when I need to,
I cry. 

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