I Feel Good

I Feel Good

Feel free to begin singing the song if you must,
but I was thinking about
the things I do,
which make me feel good,
like cooking for others.
It is not so much what I cook,
but the joy it brings them
and the stress it takes off of them.
It is the opportunity to feed and serve others.
Like my neighbor who thanked me
for giving her a night off and
the joy her son, who has multiple disabilities,
had in eating my 7 cheese mac and cheese.
Or the look on another person’s face
when I gave him 2 loaves of bread fresh out of the oven.
or the day I felt inspired to make a pot of soup for a family
only to find out they were all sick
and had been craving something warm and healing.
When I cook for others,
all I can hear is feed my sheep.
I love watching people eat things
loaded with memories
like Bruce crying over lemon drop cookies,
or a friend of mine who become emotional over
spaghetti, meatball and gravy.
I love cooking to heal others
like feeding the sick during Covid.
Cooking is not the only thing which makes me feel good,
but feeding and serving others
makes me feel good.
You don’t need to thank me
when I do,
just know you made my day
and made me feel good. 

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Feel It All

Feel It All

There are those feelings
I look forward to feeling
and those I prefer not to feel.
The reality is I have to
feel it all.
I can’t suppress one feeling
without suppressing others.
If I want to feel my joy,
really feel my joy,
I also have to allow myself to grieve
and cry
and feel the pain.
If I want to experience the wonder and
mysteries of life,
I have to also allow myself to
fear that which I do not want to feel.
I have to embrace all the feelings.
the ones that make me
jump with joy
and curl up in tears.
I have to find the courage
and the openness in my soul
to feel it all.

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If I Laugh

If I Laugh

I woke up thinking about you
and how much I miss you
and even though you’ve been gone decades now
I still miss you with all my heart.
I have come to realize that
if I laugh,
even if it just a little bit,
it relieves the pain
that I feel when I want to talk to you.
If I laugh,
I can remember
the joyous memories I have of you
instead of the hole left
when you returned to the eternal home.
If I laugh,
just a little bit,
I can forgive myself
for the plans that didn’t work
that would have given me one more memory of you.
If I laugh,
just a little bit,
I can remember
how you taught me to laugh,
to be kind,
to have patience
and to the parts of you
which live within me.
If I laugh,
just a little bit,
I can find that place of peace
I have in my memories of you.
Sometimes when I laugh,
it is because it helps me through the grief
and leads me back to the joy.
so give me my space to heal
if you see me laugh,
even just a little bit.

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Living with Grace

Living with Grace

Every moment
is an opportunity to make a difference,
to help someone in need.
We are constantly invited into situations
which enable us to show grace.
They are woven into the tapestry
of every day life.
In them, we find chances to be
creative,
helpful,
healing,
and graceful.
We have a chance to make a difference,
lighten someone’s load,
or just do some good in the world.
Today, I will walk with discernment
and be open to those moments
provided for me to be of service. 

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This Is Me

This Is Me

There is always going to be someone who does not like me, |
but that is about them, not me.
I love me, just as I am.
I was created by I am
in the image of I am
to be just as I am.
This is me.
What you do not like in me
is about what you do not like in yourself.
What I do not like about me
is about me
and the lies which I am cleansing myself of.
I need to begin with the truth of my beauty,
through which and
in which I was created.
This is me.
There is not,
never has been,
never will be
anyone exactly like me.

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Don’t Take Things Personally

Don’t Take Things Personally

Don’t take things personally.
That’s what I learned.
What others say about me
is only true
if and when I believe it to be true.
When I allow others words to define me,
my sense of self becomes unpredictable.
Whether I like myself or not
becomes dependent on the words of others,
not on my own sense of self.
The words of criticism and rejection
can only hurt or define me
if I allow them to
and I refuse to let you
thrust me down.
Nor do I allow you to rise me up,
because I am still then allowing you
to control and define me.
I am who I am and
was created by the great I am.
The one who created me
is the same one who maintains me,
sustains me
and keeps me from riding the waves
of others opinions.
I am who I am
and while you can say what you want,
I don’t take it personally.
I just tell myself
Love yourself just as you are.

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Rituals

Rituals

It seems like most people I know have them,
especially around the holidays.
I really don’t, well not anymore.
My most important rituals are the ones I do every morning.
They help me hold on to feelings and memories.
They have helped me find meaning in my life.
They keep me functioning.
There are days they lift me up,
and days they see me through.
Sometimes they help stay connected
to myself and to others.
It is not so much what the ritual is.
It is what it does for me
and for you
and for us.
Whether I share them with you or not,
the rituals in my life are sacred to me
and that is all that matters.

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I remember

I remember

Cubbins
I love cuddling with you
and holding you in my arms.
There are nights I do not need you,
but being able to know you are here
is enough and
brings back all the memories.
I remember the first time I saw you.
I remember how coworkers paid off my layaway,
so I could bring you home.
I remember all our conversations.
I remember how you traveled with Andy
when he had his top surgery
and how you were with my mom
until the day she died.
I remember how you comforted
those who were grieving
and all those who needed you.
I remember so much more
about you and the miracles you have performed
then anyone will ever know.
All they will see is a stuffed bear on my bed.
I see you and
all I remember about where you have been
and the love you have shared.
I remember you.

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Siting With My Demons

Sitting With My Demons

I have always been taught to avoid demons,
but my journey to grow
keeps bringing me back to them.
I have come to realize they are there to help me,
to challenge me,
to help me move through that which is limiting me.
They are there to bless me,
but only if I use them to grow and evolve.
The longer I try to avoid them,
the more they
seem to haunt me.
Rather than run from them,
I now sit with them,
and seek the wisdom of the Ultimate
in how to use them to help me evolve.

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Inspiration

Inspiration

What inspires you?
That is what she asked me
and honestly, I know and I don’t.
Sometimes I feel as if the poem was just given to me
and other times it feels like I have gone through
a long and difficult labor.
There are times that the inspiration just comes to me
from a photo, an image, a quote, or a question.
Sometimes it seems to come from within,  
from a memory that lived deep inside,
until now
and then like in the delivery room
I get into this spiritual position
and there is pushing and breathing
and ultimately it is born.
Other times,
it floats through my imagination,
begging for me to grab hold and
do something with it.
if not,
it is gone
and I back to waiting
for another source of
inspiration.

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Fasting

Fasting

People fast for so many reasons
and in so many ways,
but normally it has to do with food.
What if we fasted from complaining?
What if we fasted from complaining
to those who cannot fix the problem
and bought it to those with whom we have the issue?
What if we focused our conversations
on what we have to be grateful for and
what is going well in our lives?
What if instead of talking about how rough work was
we focused on how grateful we are to have a job?
What would your life be like
if just for a week you did not complain?
What would you talk about?
Perhaps more importantly what would you not?
What if you fasted for a month?
a year?
the rest of your life?
I am beginning my fast.
Do you want to join me?

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Spoonful of Sugar

Spoonful of Sugar

A spoonful of sugar, helps the medicine go down
in the most delightful way.
I always think of this line from Mary Poppins.
It reminds me to think about the little things
that make a difference,
like filling one’s tank with gas,
so one can keep driving.
Recharging my wheelchair batteries
for the same reason.
Taking a nap or a break from work
so I can stay awake and focused.
There are so many little things we do
that might seem inconsequential,
but they are like that spoonful of sugar,
they make the medicine go down
and help give us a new perspective on life.

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No Hogging

No Hogging

Why does she always feel the need to be in the spotlight?
I remember being asked that once
about a colleague who liked to make it
all about her.
We all like recognition for what we do,
but sometimes that comes from putting others first.
Sometimes it comes from
putting others in the spotlight.
Sometimes it comes from
being there to support others
and let others see them shine.
The Ultimate knows what I do
and who I am.
I don’t need to hog the attention,
I just need to be me,
and help others succeed and grow.
There is a different kind of recognition
that comes when we lift others up
and help them to soar.
We don’t have to be in a race
to the spotlight.
Sometimes we need to give people space
so they do not need to step on our toes
in the journey.

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Caring for Others

Caring for Others

I am ever reminded of the teaching,
in so many spiritual writings,
about caring for each other
and loving one’s neighbor.
Sometimes that can seem harder then it is.
What if we simply asked
How are you
and then actively listened to what they said.
They may not say anything
because they are used to not being heard.
What if instead we asked
what are you going through right now
and then listened
as if we honestly cared about them.
How is your family?
During this season of tensions,
globally and locally,
what if we strove to show concern
for those we know
and those we need to know better.
What I honestly want to know is
what are you going through right now?

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Silence

Silence

Silence.
It is one of the nouns
I used to describe myself
to my students.
But why they always ask?
Why silence?
Are you a quiet person
or do you just like silence?
It is not so much about the silence of others,
but the silencing of my own brain and
of my heart.
When I silence myself,
I am able to hear the symphony
of the Ultimate which is everywhere
and playing every instrument.
I hear it in the opening and closing of doors.
I feel it when people reach out for help.
I hear it in the songs of the birds and
other animals in our environment.
I see it in the grass moving
even when I cannot see the breeze.
The Ultimate is in every moment
and always has a message for me.
It is only in my own silence
that I can hear it.

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Heart Condition

Heart Condition

My doctor recently said,
your heart sounds good.
I have had stress tests,
ekgs
and so this was not new news.
But how my heart sounds or looks
on some cardiovascular test
is not the same as the condition of my heart.
What is most important for me
is whether my heart is
hard, soft, closed, shut, proud, broken, or tender.
Over the last year my heart has been broken
and at times quite tender, but
it has never been closed or hard or shut.
It has stayed soft and open.
There have been moments
where I have had to open it up
and massage away the hardness
like I massage kale for a salad.
There are always moments that seek to harden us.
However, we can keep our heart soft.
I keep my heart soft and open
and allow it to heal when it needs it.
What is the condition of yours?

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More Than a Letter

More Than a Letter

I get emails all day long and every day,
but rarely do I get a letter.
There is something special
and at times sacred about a letter,
especially when they are handwritten.
It is like you can feel the presence of the person
as you read their words.
I once had three pieces of paper left for me one morning.
One said I,
one said love
and the last said you.
Nothing fancy about three post it notes,
but the power of them
and the meaning behind them,
humble me
and take me back in time.
I have letters the person has scented
and decades later I can still smell them.
I wish I had kept more of them
as I was growing up,
but I have them now
to read,
to inhale, and
to experience
as I remember they are
more then just letters.

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The Beginnner's Mind

The Beginner’s Mind

Shunryo Suzuki once said,
“In the beginner's mind there are many possibilities,
but in the expert's there are few.”
Perhaps that is because the beginner’s mind is free.
It has not yet been told what it can
and cannot do.
It is free from fear,
free from expectations,
free from worry,
free from teachings,
and all that binds it
in one way or the other.
What if we give ourselves the gift of freedom?
what if we forget all that binds us
and set ourselves free?
What might we achieve
because we have forgotten we can’t.
What if we forget our own limitations
and free ourselves to fly?
What if we adopted a beginner’s mind
so the possibilities are endless
and the journey takes on a new meaning
of amazing.

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Let go

Let Go

What are you holding on to?
That was the question I had to ask myself
when I found myself not wanting
to talk to someone.
With one person I wanted to talk to them
and was glad they called,
but I was still healing from words they had spoke
out of anger.
Another person
I find myself cringing every time they contact me
because I have not forgiven them for months of bullying.
I need to forgive them both,
not for them, but for me.
I need to let go, let God,
and give myself the gift of letting go
and not holding on to the pain of the past.
It is time to just let go.

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My Transformation

My Transformation

I know this may sound crass,
but if I do not ask for your help,
do not help me.
Encourage me,
believe in me,
be present,
but let me blossom and transform
on my own.
I am like a butterfly
in a cocoon at some stages of my journey.
If you try to help a butterfly out
before it is strong enough to break free
on its own,
you can kill it.
What I am going through
may seem challenging and hard
and it probably is,
but I have to go through it
to become strong enough
that I can spread my wings and fly.
We have to let each other
go through and transform
no matter how hard it is to watch.

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