So I am not sure why I ever doubt whether or not I will know what to write you about when I sit down to journal with you. Seriously, like I would ever run out of things to talk with you about. I guess that is why my faith in you is so strong. I know I can have a conversation with you about absolutely everything in my life. I probably censor what I need to say less with you then with anyone. Maybe that is because I know you hear all my thoughts anyway, so why try to come to you and pretend I am someone that I am not. You observe my thoughts, my words, my actions, and have already searched my heart. So there is no need for me to pretend with you.
While I would like to say I have always been this close to you, I know that is not the case.
Read moreSo I was sitting here this morning about all I have been through in my life and I know that I have made it here because of my personal relationship with you. It is through you and my relationship with you that I have come to experience an intimacy that I have not been able to experience with a human person, not even Zoe, and I know you sent her into my life.
I think about all the times I came close to dying and you would whisper in my ears, all is well my daughter and then you brought me through. I think about all the times I wondered how I was going to make it through the summer financially and you always provided for me one way or the other. I think about all the times I doubted if I was doing what you wanted and needed me to do in my life and you would send someone to say thank you. I think about the times I had those moments of doubt as to whether I could do something or not and you would say, come Sarah Bella, let’s do this.
Read moreToday I just want to thank you for helping me starve myself to health. For so long in my life, I have held onto fears which have contributed to health problems and eating issues. While I know you have been waiting for me to be ready to do the healing work, it was not until about a year ago that I was ready to tackle the hardest of the issues and fears.
That is when I had to be like a jaguar and stalk out the single biggest fear underlying my relationship with food. Once I pulled it out, root and all, I was able to starve those fears to depth. As I did so, it gave me new understanding of the Cherokee story about the two wolves. In most aspects of my life, the wolf of love and faith had prevailed.
Read moreThis month, as I have been thinking about the practice of faith, I have come to realize the importance of reflecting on the beliefs on which my faith is built and which govern the way I live my life and practice my faith. What I believe has been influenced by what I learned while attending Hebrew School, growing up in a Jewish home, my study of scripture, and my readings. Probably most influential in my life has been the writings of don Miguel Ruiz, Pema Chodron, Osho, Rev Dr. Martin Luther King Jr. and Ghandi.
I believe that we are born in the image of the Ultimate Consciousness, who is love and that we are called, as stated in Micah 6:8, to do justice, and to love kindness, and to walk humbly with God. I believe that we are all called to speak the truth in love and to do justice with a spirit of non-violence. I believe the Ultimate Consciousness is greater than any single denomination or school of thought. I believe the Ultimate Consciousness has spoken to people through a diversity of sacred texts and is present in a diversity of worship communities.
Read moreI have been reading a book by Joan Chittister called A Passion for Life: Fragments of the Face of God. It is a book about more than two dozen saints and prophets--from Hildegard of Bingen to Martin Luther King, Jr., --who speak to the urgent spiritual questions of our time. Reading this book has gotten me thinking about who the “living saints” are in my life. Who are the people for me who have inspired me spiritually? Who are the people whose enthusiasm for the Divine has been contagious and helped me grow and evolve in my own life?
I came across a picture of Mother Teresa on a cover of Time magazine which called her a living saint. It got me thinking what do I even mean by saint?
Read moreSo I have been thinking this month about devotion and what I am devoted to and how I express my devotion. Recently, someone asked me how I can express my devotion without being a part of a formal worship community. I smiled as I realized that for me, I am part of a formal worship community. I gather each day with my readers around the world in our own way and in our own time and we meditate on a thought you have led me to each day. Then I give thinks for at least five things that have happened or I have become aware of in the last 24 hours. Sometimes I feel like there are more than five, but I always feel as if I am supposed to stop at five for some reason. Maybe that is because the number 5 is about your grace and goodness. I remember reading once that the Ten Commandments are really two sets of five commandments. The first five have to do with our treatment and relationship with you and the last five have to do with our relationship with others.
Read moreDear Ultimate Consciousness,
The past few days I have been thinking about all the ways devotion takes form in my life. Today’s thought for the day seems to capture the essence of what I have been feeling. I have been thinking about how I practice devotion to the Ultimate in my life and how I practice devotion to my own personal self-development and to my relationship with those I love.
I guess it really hit me last night when I was talking about my relationship with you at the spiritual journaling workshop. I have been using the phrase I picked up from Doreen Virtue’s book Assertiveness Training for Earth Angels and telling people I am employed by God Inc. I love the understanding that comes from knowing you hired me to do specific things here on earth and it is in the process of doing so that I am able to practice and experience devotion in my life.
Read moreI remember when I was pastoring how once a month we would pour libations. When I water the plants, which I should do more often, I think about my parents and many of their relatives who went before them. I also think about my foster parents and my birth parents, who I have no memories of and honor them.
Initially, I thought this was an African spiritual tradition. Then I became aware of how it was also a Native American tradition. Recently, I became aware this is also a part of Shin Buddhism and is known as the Pure Land Tradition. According to Taitetsu Unno this tradition emphasizes awakening to "the Name-that-calls" and recognizing the boundless compassion that sustains and connects all of life. Some of this message is conveyed in the following poem by Mitsu Aida.
Read moreLast week I wrote a letter to my Mom thanking her for being one of my spiritual and moral mentors. She and my Bubby are the first two, which came to my mind. As I have thought about all the spiritual and moral mentors in my life I have come to realize that while some of them were people I knew, others were people I have never met. Some of my teachers have been people who served as examples of how I did not want to be because I saw the harm they inflicted on others. Yet I need to give thanks to them as well, although I will not mention them by name as the lessons they taught me were decades ago and I would not want them to be judged, by this one incident.
This reminds me that Sister Helen Prejean, one of those women I have never met, taught me a valuable lesson.
Read moreLast night I was watching a video Zoe had found about gratitude and happiness. In the video, people wrote letters to someone they were grateful for in their lives. Then they were asked to call that person and read them the letter if they could. This morning I woke up thinking about my mom. I am so grateful for all she taught me during her time here on earth. One of the things she taught me about was how to be compassionate towards others. Mom, I hope that you can read these words as I put them out into the Universe, that place where we are of one (uni) verse. That place where we are one with each other. I love you. If you were here and I had to read this to you, I would probably go through about three boxes of tissues.
Read moreDear God,
I have been sitting here the last few days thinking about a question somebody asked me about what my spiritual rituals are like. What do I do to stay connected, focused, and balanced? As I have been thinking about this, I realized there were multiple ways for me to answer this question. On the one hand, you are one of the first things I think about every morning. I get up, go to the bathroom, and come to the computer, think about our theme for the month and post a thought to give others and myself something to think about. Then I open my gratitude journal and write down five things I am grateful for in my life. Most days I also try to write down why I also appreciate that which I just gave thanks for in my life. Then I write one thing that is inspiring me each day. Finally, I think about what I want to manifest in my life that day. That is one way for me to talk about what I do to stay connected with you.
However, that is more about what I do, and while it is a part of what keeps me feeling like I am in your presence, there is so much more to it than that.
Read moreSo today I just want to thank you for the reminder to not run, not that I can physically run anyway (LOL). I was looking for quotes about being present I could use for the thoughts for the day this month, when I stumbled upon this powerful reminder from Geri Larkin in The Still Point Dhammapada. “
Being upright means staying smack dab in the middle of what's going on. No running away. No pretending that the situation is any different than it is. It means breathing in and out and listening to our heart. And asking only one question: What can I do right this minute? Sometimes I think of it as "mountain and river" practice. Detroit is all too often a mountain of heartbreaks and a river of sorrows. All I can do is look for cracks where some help can be offered. Sometimes I can only witness. Some days I can only pick up garbage or make the first call to a shelter or delete the email and chant for the person who wrote it.
Read moreI seriously want to thank you for your sense of humor and for listening to my prayers. If I ever needed to know that you were present, you let me know today. This morning I was thinking carefully about what I wanted my intention to be as this is grading frenzy weekend for midterms. However, I said that I was going to make the time to perform a random act of kindness. So thank you for providing me with the time and the opportunity to extend kindness to someone who was in need.
Read moreWhat a blessing to have woken up to a note from MARVELLINE MARVELS, who stumbled upon my blog this morning and nominated me for the Versatile Blogger Award. It is such a blessing to be recognized and honored by one’s peers. I learn so much from other bloggers and I pray that the meditations of my heart inspire others as well. Amen. Ashe. And so it is.
Read moreI just wanted to take a moment to think you for being the beauty that walks before me, behind me, above me, and below me. I want to thank you for being the trail of beauty I have wandered on now for the past 58 years. This prayer is so powerful for me, in part because walking is not an act I take for granted; it is something I have to be intentional about doing and practicing. It is a process where I am ever mindful of every step I take. I am always thinking about the trail I am on and what is on it with me. For example, the other day I had to have blood drawn and there was no clear space near the curb cuts for Zoe to push me. So I held on to the back of the wheelchair like a walker and one step at a time I walked carefully and prayerfully across the parking lot and through the snow. With each step, I could see the beauty of you who was moving my legs and guiding my feet, especially the right one where there is no feeling. It is in those moments that I am especially mindful that your beauty surrounded me and always has.
Read moreI am in one of those spaces where I have to really listen to myself and the wisdom you have shared with me over the years. I have to laugh at how my body keeps doing things that are supposed to be a rarity. First, it was the dually obstructed kidneys. Now, it is having hydrops for the second time, especially given that only 3% of those with keratoconus have it once. While I am not excited about having to experience either, I am grateful that in the midst of it all I am holding on to my faith and am surrounded by people who love and support me unconditionally. Zoe always tells me how special I am, I guess I must be that you keep using my body to defy the odds.
Read moreA few years ago, I asked you to work with me and help me continue to grow and evolve spiritually. Ever since then you have provided me with opportunities to do just that. Most recently, you have reminded me to let go of self-judgment and blame. As Don Miguel Ruiz reminded me, in his writing about the first agreement, it is important to take responsibility for my actions but I should not judge or blame myself for anything. I thought I had been doing well at this until the last few weeks when I have found myself getting angry with myself for being incontinent at times. I would feel myself, especially when tired, getting upset with myself for not being able to make it to the bathroom. Thinking about this in terms of being impeccable has helped. I have had to work at being able to say what happened, but not feel shame or blame myself for something that is out of my control at this point in time. I am so grateful for my wife who has been so supportive and understanding, especially on those days when I am tired and begin to shame myself. She gently reminds me that I am the only one who is shaming me, nobody else in our household is. It has also reminded me how important it is to be the sacred observer and question what I believe about myself to say shameful and blaming things to myself.
Read moreToday, I just want to thank you for the reminder that if I want to stay in a space of peace, I just need to do one thing at a time. I do not need to be thinking about the list of things I have created for myself, many of which I have come to realize I really do not need to do. If I am spending time thinking about everything, then I am not able to accomplish anything. As I remember realizing years ago, I cannot be in a state of peace if I am trying to multitask. The lesson came to me about three years ago when I came across a quote that said, “When walking, walk. When eating, eat.” I remember laughing at the time because I was trying to drink my morning water, eat breakfast, check my email and FB all at the same time.
Read moreRecently I was reminded of a quote from the book A Course in Miracles that said, “Giving of yourself to the point of sacrifice makes the other person a thief” while reading a section of Iyanla Vanzant’s book Until Today! I like quotes like this because they help me to re-visualize a behavior in a way that makes sense. It reminded me of two of my older blogs, No More Whips and No More Poison. I would never volunteer to whip myself but every time I say or think something negative about myself, I am whipping myself. Every time I internalize something negative from others or myself, I am ingesting toxic beliefs that poison my system. So it makes perfect sense to me that every time I give up something that is important to me, I am allowing someone to come in and steal an integral part of who I am.
Read moreSo today is November 7th. It is hard for me to believe that in some respects I turned 7 days old today. It is hard to believe that on November 1, I almost died because both my kidneys became obstructed at the same time and I could not pee. When I think back to last Saturday, it seems so surreal. I still remember the emergency room doctor coming in and telling me I was in acute renal failure and my creatinine levels were 10.77, far above what those who need to be on dialysis have. I remember thinking how did this happen? How did I go from having no kidney problems, to being in acute failure over night? The reality is that I will never know what caused both my kidneys to become obstructed at once, preventing me from being able to pee. What I do know is this. You ensured that all my needs were met. You sent me to the emergency room when I needed to and surrounded me with people who were able to save my life and restore my ability to pee. Two days later, my creatinine level was back down to normal and in some respects it was easy for me to think this was all a dream, but I know it was not.
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