This weekend is father’s day and Monday will be my birthday. So it is a bittersweet weekend in my life. I am grateful because I am here to celebrate one more year. At the same time, I miss you more then there are words to express. It is hard to believe that you have been gone for 9 years now. I remember how many times my birthday fell on Father’s day and you would tell me that I was your Father’s Day present. So today, I just want to take time to tell you how much I love you and how grateful I am that you fathered me for so many years. I am grateful that you and Mom birthed me into your hearts and raised me as if I was your own.
There is not a day that goes by that I do not think of you. Every day I think about how you were supposed to be here living with Zoe and I I think about how much Zoe and I were looking forward to spending time with you, caring for you, and getting on your last nerve.
Read moreThe other day, during our angel card reading practice night, a friend told me that I needed to stop and smell the flowers. I know I have been working very hard lately and trying to work my way through the pile of things before me. It has felt like there was one deadline after another and I was sitting here thinking I need to just stop and play for a while today. My friend Kerry asked me when I crocheted last and to be honest, I could not remember. How sad. I have books I could read, but by the time I stop, I am too tired to read. So I knew that I needed to claim the time this weekend to play. I had told myself I just wanted to do two more things for sure today: take time to journal (which I am doing now) and finish my piece on forgiveness for the newsletter, as it is the last thing I have to give Zoe for the newsletter which she will be finishing tomorrow.
Read moreLast night, during our living the five agreements group we began talking about Bryon Katie’s book “Loving What Is: Four Questions that will change your life.” For me, her “The Work” is similar to what Toltecs call stalking. As I was sharing one of the stories about relationship from her book, I came to realize that I have to accept that my son is growing up. As much as he will always, in some respects, be my little boy. He, in reality, is now a 32 year old man who is developing his own way in the world and no longer needs to talk to me as often as he once did. I realized I have had to let go and let him grow. He will call when he needs to talk to me and I will call when I need to talk to him.
Nick came into my life when he was 10 and until recently he would call at least weekly. Now, he has entered this new phase in his life and calls about once a month or every other month
Read moreThis morning I was reading a devotional by Iyanla Vanzant about the holes in our life. She asked us to consider how or if we filled the holes. It got me thinking about all the holes I have experienced in my life and how you have helped me to climb out of them and then fill them with love and positive energy. It also got me thinking about all the lessons I have learned about myself in the process of climbing out of them.
One of the holes that I have been dealing with most recently was the hole that was created when I was five years old and had a traumatic experience while having blood drawn. I cannot remember how many times they tried to draw blood, but what I do remember was that with each failed attempt I became increasingly terrified, which made it even harder for them to draw the blood.
Read moreDear Ultimate Consciousness,
Just wanted you to know I got the message. How many days in a row can I shuffle my angel cards for daily guidance and have the same card jump out at me. Literally, this card keeps jumping out of the deck – Notice the Signs. I thought I was pulling it for a friend the other day, but maybe it was really for me. I pulled it again yesterday and then again today. So I think I get the message I need to stop and notice the signs. Thank you for the reminder that I am surrounded by your loving guidance and that you have sent a circle of angels to guide, protect and love me.
Read moreThis morning I awoke to a picture and a story a friend has posted on Facebook of a humpback whale. This is what it said:
A female humpback whale had become entangled in a spider web of crab traps and lines. She was weighted down by hundreds of pounds of traps that caused her to struggle to stay afloat. She also had hundreds of yards of line rope wrapped around her body, her tail, her torso, a line tugging in her mouth.
This is her story of giving gratitude.
Read moreI just wanted to take a moment to thank you for all you have taught me about hearing how I speak and the intention others hear when I speak to them. One of the things I have come to realize is that I have not always spoken to myself as lovingly as I do know. I used to think it was a good thing that I could speak to people in such a kind way that they did not realize they were bleeding until after I had left. I used to think that was a good thing, but then I realized that the intent behind the kindness was not coming from a space of pure love and compassion.
How could I be loving and compassionate with others, when I was not even being loving and compassionate with myself. So thank you for modeling for me how to be more loving and compassionate with myself.
Read moreMy brain has been all over the place this past week, well probably this whole month as I have been intentional about acknowledging different aspects of my life, my choices, the people in my life, those who have left, etc. This past week has been interesting because I have had to acknowledge the ways I still pastor and minister to people and how I have needed to define those terms for myself and acknowledge that they mean to me. I had to acknowledge those places where for me they were still artificially attached to my being attached to a formal congregation, which met in a formal building, and had formal worship services. It was reminders from my wife and friends who helped me in the process of detaching from the meanings others had and still do ascribe to those words and to redefine them for myself.
I have had to acknowledge how when people hear I am a reverend that they fill their minds with assumptions about who I am, what I believe, and my life in general. While I have no control over how others perceive me, I do have control over how I perceive myself and the image and story I create for myself and for others to observe.
Read more I came from a history of addiction. My father was an alcoholic. My mother was a sewaholic, sewing was her drug of choice. My brother was addiction to prescription medications for a while. I have battled an addiction to food most of my life. But I have also realized lately that I have some other addictions that I need to terminate and for which there is no 12 step group. I am still a “I am not good enough” addict. My addiction to not being good enough goes back decades, more than half a century in reality and stems from the day I was born and was given up for adoption. That was the first message that I was not good enough. Then I was not good enough to stay in the foster home. Then the rest of the not good enough messages began to filter into my life and resulted in my becoming a full blown “I am not good enough addict”.
When I was in seminary, I began facing that addiction and wrote a poem I have shared before called I am enough.
Read moreThis morning something challenged me to acknowledge a different aspect of negativity in my life. I have been intentional about working on keeping the 1st agreement and being impeccable with my thoughts and words. I have been intentional about avoiding gossip, criticism, thinking negative things about others or myself. I have been intentional about sending love, light, and positive energy to those who do not appear to be vibrating at the same level that I am, or who appears to be in need of healing.
Then it hit me, who am I to determine they are in need of healing or not vibrating at the same level then I am. How do I know that? How do I know what someone can or cannot do? If they think they cannot do something, then that is about them. If I think they cannot do something, or I cannot do something, then that is about me. Why would I contribute to the belief that something is not possible? Why am I judging others and their abilities?
Read moreI don’t know who said, "A picture is worth a thousand words." So this image is not so much a picture, but it really spoke to my spirit this morning. It reminded me of a few other lessons I try to incorporate in my life. One being HALT (hungry, angry, lonely, or tired). If I am any of these, I need to halt before speaking or doing anything. When I am hungry, physically not emotionally, I need to eat something. When I am angry, I need to calm down. When I am lonely, I need to find a way to socialize with someone. When I am tired, I need to take a nap. I need to do all of these things BEFORE I say or do anything, which I may later regret.
Then there is the Sufi teaching, which reminds me that BEFORE I speak, I must answer three questions: is it truthful; is it necessary; and is it kind. If they are not, then I do not need to speak those thoughts into being. I need to remember to think BEFORE speaking or doing.
Read moreSo as you know I have a routine spiritual practice each day, but periodically, I feel led to draw a card from one of my decks for inspiration and meditation. This morning, I drew the Queen of Fire from the Osho Zen Tarot deck. This card came bearing the message that I have so much more to share with the world than I realize!
Sometimes it is easy for me to forget that my small, positive actions, words, and deeds have a huge impact on the “big picture.” I am not always conscious of the ways what I do and create has a radiating effect on the world. Yesterday, one of my students shared with me how they believe the legacy I am creating will continue to influencing the planet long after I have forgotten about it or no longer exist on this plane. This card reminded me that my contribution doesn’t need to be some big flashy deal to have a transformative impact.
Read moreSo here, it is on March 14 and while I would like to say, I have nothing to talk to you about, that would be a lie. I always have something to talk to you about. I keep coming back to this idea of my inner constellation and being part of a greater constellation. A constellation is a group of stars, which form a recognizable pattern. In some ways, I am A star in a larger group of stars, part of a larger constellation. I am a part of other people’s constellations and others are a part of mine.
I also have my own inner constellation. Evolutionary cosmologist Brian Swimme once wrote, “Everything gives off light at all times.” For me, that means that I give off light at all times and it is my light in conjunction with every one else’s light that creates those larger constellations one sees in the universe. At the same time, everything within me gives off light too. When I take the time focus on my inner constellation, I can begin to see my inner soulscape, the image of the warrior artist you created me to be.
Read moreI just wanted to take a moment to give thanks for the awesome time I had with all the people who came to have their spirit drawings done by J:D Arrichi at our space. It was a blessing to have met new people and enabled them to experience the peace and healing, which we offer in our space. Sometimes a place can sound good on paper, but until you experience the space, you do not know if it is a space, you need to return to in your journey.
There were so many amazingly powerful memories yesterday, which served as clear reminders of the subtle way that Spirit works. For example, I thought it was funny how one of the women was looking for a new dentist did not know that the co-pastor at her church was a dentist. After helping her to connect the dots, she realized she knew who she needed to go see. Prayer answered. Thank you for using me one more time.
Read moreA few weeks ago, a friend of mine posted the following on his Facebook page. “I've come into a higher CONSCIOUSNESS that to RELINQUISH and to SURRENDER are entirely two different things and I no longer want to GIVE UP.... I want to ACCEPT that I AM NOT IN CONTROL OF EVERYTHING and ACCEPT that my control is LIMITED. Periodically, over the last few weeks I have been thinking about what he said and realized that he, like many people associate the word “surrender” with negative energy and meanings. He was, like so many other people I know, viewing it as a weakness or deficiency. He saw surrendering as giving up. Another friend of mine told me those who surrender are losers.
I have been thinking about what the word surrender for me. However, I have not been able to agree with what he said about surrender. See in my Dream, the word “surrender” is a positive.
Read moreEvery morning one of the first things I do is to take time to thank you for at least five things I have been blessed with in my life. Sometimes they are not things in my life, but the absence of things in my life. When I hear of people who are struggling with and dying from addictions to drugs, or in abusive relationships, or homeless, and the list goes on, I am reminded to give thanks for all that I have not or am not experiencing in my life at this time.
One of the things I am eternally grateful for is that you love me unconditionally. You know my heart, and all the thoughts that float through my mind and you still love me unconditionally. You have loved me even when I have not always loved myself.
Read moreGood morning and welcome to a new day! Happy Valentine’s Day. Have I told you yet how much I love you? Hmm. it feels good to be able to say that, smile, and feel the love radiating through my body. Oh, how far I have come. I can remember a time when I did not love myself, at least not completely, and definitely not unconditionally. I can remember a time when my sense of self was depending on others telling me I was ok. I can remember when I felt as if I needed to be with someone to feel lovable. I learned, however, that feeling lovable is not the same as being loved and that nobody can make me feel loved. I am the only one who can make me feel the way I am feeling about me at this time in my life. Happy Valentine’s Day to me.
Read moreI have been thinking about how, as I wrote about last week, the changes, which are occurring in my life, are happening for me, not to me. While I am clearly experiencing some physical changes in my life, most of these changes as well as the others I have been experiencing are about changes that are happening internally. They are changes, which are happening in my belief system.
What I believe is what I have chosen to believe. My beliefs live within me and have power in my life because I have given them that power. Understanding they can only continue to exist if I continue to feed them is powerful. It means I also have the power to evict them from my heart and edit them out of my belief system.
Read moreOver the last few weeks, Zoe and I have experienced a few changes in our lives. Changes in the way our office is structured and organized, loss of a family member, change in eating choices, and other changes which have affected us, to varying degrees, emotionally, mentally, physically, and spiritually. Some of the changes we knew were coming, others seemed to occur with little notice and others seemed to manifest out of thin air. Whether we believe the change is for the better or the worse, we cannot avoid change. It is part of our existence as human beings.
As I think back over all the changes, which have occurred over my life, I have come to realize that there were some changes I was more aware of then others. I am not aware every time a cell in my body is changing. I am not aware every time blood is flowing through my veins. I am not aware of all the things my body seems to do for me until there is a change in how it is or has been doing it, then I become aware.
Read more
